Changing Perspectives
by waddiwasiwitch
Summary: Spike gets to discover what it means to be human again, whereas Buffy feels guilty that she is pleased about it. And that is only the beginning of a journey that will make them re-evaluate their lives. There are many challenges ahead
1. Prologue

_Disclaimer: I don't own; I just enjoy playing with this universe._

_I had originally posted this story earlier today but a major error resulted in spoilers, so I had to delete and repost. Anyone who read the original prologue, please read the correct chapter instead. _

_A special thanks to the amazing Ginar369, for her beta and help._

**Prologue**

It had taken a while, but eventually Buffy realised she didn't want normal, she wanted Spike. He was grumpy and snide and rude. Yet, he was kind and he loved more than any human she knew.

Buffy had been hurt when Andrew had told her Spike was back but didn't want her to know. Angry at his behaviour, she decided not to go after him. Maybe he didn't love her anymore or hated her for leaving him to burn in Sunnydale? When he had finally turned up, there hadn't been time to have a much needed conversation, because the world was ending again. Nevertheless, even after the apocalypse they both continued to avoid the topic. Happy with the status quo and Spike's friendship, Buffy didn't dare pick at the scab, convincing herself they were just friends and nothing more. She was human and he wasn't; It would never work out. Likewise, Spike stayed quiet until she asked him directly what he felt for her. It seemed everyone else was sure that Spike still loved her except Buffy herself. When a mutual acquaintance had pointed out the obvious, Buffy couldn't help but blurt out the question. The revelation shouldn't have been shocking. After all, Spike had never been one to fall out of love easily. His century long romance with Drusilla was a testament to that.

Things changed when the elephant in the room was no longer ignored. Buffy knew how he felt, but couldn't tell him the same. How could she tell him how she felt when she didn't know herself? She knew she was hurting him and that was the last thing she wanted to do. It wasn't long before a resigned Spike told her was leaving. This newly independent Spike was a stranger to her. He told her he couldn't be her dark place anymore. He didn't want crumbs, he wanted her love. And Buffy let him go.

Buffy had thought that this separation would be the best for them both. However as soon as he was gone, she found herself missing him, wondering where he was and if he was happy. She certainly wasn't. She was muddling through, flitting through jobs and life. About six months after he left, she received a letter in the mail. She excitedly tore open the envelope recognising Spike's scrawl on the outside. She was disappointed to see there was only a small note inside. Once she read the contents she smiled. It had an email address and underneath it there was a simple message: "If you need anything, Spike."

She started to correspond with him. Checking her emails was the first thing she did in the morning, the first thing she did after work, the last thing she did before patrol and again once more when she came back. She was a lot happier and it must have showed, because one evening Dawn took her aside and asked her spill. "Who's the new man?"

"There's no new man," Buffy scoffed.

"You can't fool me, Buffy." Dawn wagged a finger. "You keep zoning out with a dopy grin on your face every five minutes."

"I don't," Buffy began, before putting her hand to her mouth.

The realisation hit her like a tonne of bricks; She loved Spike.

That night Buffy sent him an email. "I need to see you in person," she wrote.

There was no reply after a couple of hours, and Buffy began to fear he was ignoring her. Eventually, she got a response. "Ok. See you this Friday. About 8pm."

Her relief quickly turned to panic.

Friday came and the butterflies in Buffy's belly didn't abate. Spike was unpredictable as usual. He came an hour earlier than expected. She hadn't even been the one to answer the door as she was in the shower when he arrived. Her room mates had left the house by the time she arrived in the living room, where he was sitting watching the T.V. He stood up quickly as she walked into the room. Buffy heart skipped a beat at the sight of him and she rushed over to hug him. When they pulled apart she knew it was time to bare her soul, like he did so many times before.

She took a deep breath before uttering, "Spike, I love you."

He goggled at her. "Buffy, I-"

Fearing another rebuttal she interrupted him. "Don't you dare repeat what you said to me in the Hellmouth. I may not have truly known what I felt back then, but I do now."

"You do?" His blue eyes shone with wonder.

"I love you," she repeated. "Before you left you told me you still loved me. Do you-"

This time it was his turn to interrupt. "As if I could stop, you daft bint."

He took her face into his hands and kissed her deeply. She wrapped herself around him. Buffy was glad she had the foresight to tell her roommates she needed the place to herself.


	2. Chapter one

**PLEASE NOTE: I accidently posted the epilogue instead of prologue. I fixed it straight away but not before it was read. Sorry. Please check out the proper prologue.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own this wonderful world, just my own plot and the original characters.**

**Warning: This story is very depressing and is full of angst. There will be character death, comic spoilers and lots of pain. If you're looking for nice and fluffy, then this isn't for you despite the prologue.**

**This was written for the letsgetitdone community on livejournal. Please check out my journal to get link to the beautiful fanmix and banner created to go along with this story by the fabulous ladyofthelog.**

**Part I: Being Human Is Not All It's Cracked up To Be **

**_Chapter One_**

In the years since the closure of the Hellmouth at Sunnydale, Buffy Summers had learned to appreciate what she had. She was in a long-term relationship with Spike, and these days she had the time and the inclination to go out and enjoy herself every once in a while. Still, there was something in her blood that stirred at the thought of doing what she did best: slaying. Buffy and Spike had just returned to San Francisco from a month long vacation, but she was feeling antsy after a few weeks of doing nothing at all. She knew Spike felt the same, as he had spent the day pacing around the living room. When they got a call saying that there had been a large number of vampire attacks in the neighbourhood over recent weeks, they jumped on the excuse to patrol. There had to be a nest in the area and, going by the reports, they were regular vampires. Since the success of Harmony Kendall's reality TV show, a lot of vampires were supposedly living by the "Harmony Code," only feeding on willing humans and not killing or turning them. However, this was clearly not the case with the group of bloodsuckers they were after.

Spike was rubbing his hands together in anticipation for the fight. "Ready to go, love?"

Buffy couldn't help the snarky comment coming out of her mouth, "It seems your ex can't win them all over."

She went over to the weapons chest, which was hidden in the corner of the room, then pulled out her favourite, shiny knife and pocketed Mr. Pointy the Third.

"Don't remind me that I used to shag that vacuous bint, love." He came up behind her and kissed her cheek. "Besides, I never told you before, but every time I was fucking her I was thinking of you. We used to play a role game where she was the Slayer."

She pushed him away, "Eugh."

Shaking her head, she waved the knife at him, "Did you have to tell me that?"

"Yeah I did." He chuckled at her indignant look. "I wouldn't miss that expression on your face for the world."

She rolled her eyes, "You're such a pervert." She bent down and put the knife in her boot. When she looked up again he was grinning at her. She wondered if she had something on her face.

"What?"

He flicked his tongue along his lips. "You love it, really."

She laughed as she pulled him to the door. "Come on. Let's go slay some vamps, Blondie Bear."

"Don't call me that!"

They were lucky they didn't have far to go tonight as the area in which the attacks were occurring was within walking distance. Spike wrapped his arm around her waist and the two of them headed out into the night.

Buffy tilted her head so she could see Spike. "Where do think the vampires would be?"

"I reckon we should start with Chinatown," Spike answered. "All those young people out for a good time are bound to attract some vamps."

Buffy and Spike walked in companionable silence, as they listened out for any sign of the vampires' location. A loud scream reverberated from one of the alleys nearby and the two took off immediately.

They came across a male and female vampire attacking a blonde haired woman, whom they had backed into the wall of a building. If Buffy had to hazard a guess she would say these two had been turned in the eighties, with their bad perms and brightly coloured clothing. The captured woman's eyes were as round as saucers when she noticed their arrival, and the two vamps turned around to see what she was looking at.

"Help me," the terrified woman managed to rasp, before the female vampire silenced her with a slap across the face.

Enraged the vamps turned to face the couple. Buffy and Spike walked towards the trio and stopped about a meter away. Buffy pulled out her stake and the corner of her lips upturned into a smug smile when she saw their rage turn to fear. _Oh yes- Slaying was such fun._

"Hey, Spike," she said and turned to her peroxided companion. "When you were evil did you ever smell this bad?"

He winked at her, "I always smell good, love."

"Slayer," the male vamp said, baring his fangs.

"Uh huh," Buffy said. "Also known as Slayer Numero Uno and soon to be known as the Slayer Who Kicked Your Ass."

The male vampire snarled, released the woman and stepped forward, intent on showing Buffy how wrong she was. She squared against the vamp, as the woman started running away, while Spike took on the female vampire. This allowed the woman to run to safety. Buffy's opponent was clearly an old vampire, but it was nothing she hadn't handled before. Buffy kicked and punched her opponent, but he hardly seemed to feel her blows. When she punched him, it felt like smashing concrete. She gritted her teeth and aimed a fierce punch at his face. He managed to deflect it and she was thrown slightly off balance.

The vampire was smirking at her as she regained her equilibrium. "Getting tired, Slayer?" he growled.

She answered, "Just tired of waiting for you to go poof!"

She heard Spike's chuckle behind her. The vamp was right, though she hated to admit it. She was still a little jet-lagged after her vacation. Still, there was no way she was going to let him get the better of her. She walked towards the vampire with a dangerous glint in her eyes. He thought he was going to win. _Idiot._

"Playtime is over, little girl," he sneered.

"Oh yeah it is," she quipped, brandishing her stake. "Meet Mr. Pointy!"

The vampire brought a meaty fist to meet her face, which she managed to deflect with her left arm. With her free arm she landed a punch to his left cheek. The vampire shoved her hard and she landed hard on the rubbish strewn concrete. She got to her feet immediately, and as she did so she pulled a candy wrapper from where it was stuck on her ass. Buffy advanced on the vampire once more, aiming a roundhouse kick at his head. She smiled at the satisfying crunch. His nose was broken and she could see the blood running down his face.

"That was for ruining my pants," she told him. He grunted something unintelligible and he made to hit her with a right hook. She was too quick for him and nimbly avoided his fist. Her blood was singing; she was made for this. She wondered how Spike was doing in his fight and caught a glimpse of him thoroughly enjoying himself in what looked like a one sided boxing match. She turned her attention back to her own fight. The vampire glared at her, his mouth set in a hard line. She rushed him but was surprised when he ducked. He was faster than he looked. She landed on her ass once more, and he picked her up and flung her headfirst across the alley into the hard metal of the dumpster. She could taste the blood in her mouth and felt a little dizzy. She slid down to the ground and Mr. Pointy slipped from her grasp.

The vampire grinned and picked up the stake. "I'm going to kill you, bitch, and then I'm going to dust your undead boyfriend if my friend doesn't kill him first."

She heard the tell-tale sound of Spike's vampire dusting and she smirked, "Looks like my undead boyfriend made your girlfriend deader."

"Buffy!" She could hear Spike's voice as she pulled herself up. She shook off the dizziness.

"I'm fine," she said, keeping close eye on the vampire at the other side of the alleyway. She wondered why the vampire wasn't running or attacking them. Spike seemed to be more concerned with her than anything else. He was beside her in a moment and he surveyed her for injury. Buffy pulled away, as she saw the vampire finally approach them.

"Sorry to interrupt the love-fest," the heavyset vampire said. He turned to Spike. "I hear you work for the white hats now. You're an abomination."

Spike scoffed, "I don't just work for the white hats now. I am a white hat, you nit!"

While Spike took a swing, Buffy took the opportunity to break a branch from a rather decrepit looking Christmas tree thrown in the dumpster. The branch broke off sharply, and she hefted it. This would do. Spike had pinned the vampire down and they were struggling on the ground. She was about to join in the fun when she felt a tell-tale prickling on the back of her neck. She turned around to see two other vampires leering at her from the entrance to the alley. The vampire had been playing for time and now the back-up had come. Spike would just have to kick his ass on his own, while she took on the newcomers. One vampire was small and round; the other was tall and lean.

She approached them with a bright grin. "Hi, I'm Buffy, and I will be your Slayer for tonight."

The idiots just looked at one another. She figured they were fledges, because they had no idea what a Slayer could do. They waited for her to come to them before they pounced. She ducked into a forward roll as they reached her and they collided with one another instead. She picked the lid off a nearby garbage can and aimed it for the neck of Short and Round. She smirked as it hit perfectly, decapitating him, and turned to Mr. Lanky. He seemed to have more brains then his friends and he took off running out of the alley. She started back towards Spike and his fight over at the other end of the alley way. Spike was the one that was penned down now beneath the vampire, who had her stake in his hand. Buffy gasped and started to run, but it felt as if she was running in slow motion. Her world fell away and she could only watch helplessly as the stake entered Spike's chest, and went toward his heart. The inevitable poof never happened, and Spike started to glow. Buffy had just reached them when the shocked vampire jumped off Spike and backed away. The Slayer took the opportunity to shove her crude stake into Spike's would-be murderer's chest and he exploded into dust. She rushed to Spike and saw he wasn't glowing any more. _What the hell? _She approached his body cautiously. "Spike," she called. He was unresponsive and she reached for him to try and get him to wake up. When she touched him, he felt warm and her mouth dropped opened. His chest was rising and falling and she laid her head down where his heart would be. She gasped as she heard his heart beating. Her own heartbeat was erratic as she tried to come to terms with the fact she had almost watch Spike dust only for him to come over all human. How was this even possible? She took several deep breaths to calm herself. Shock and relief quickly turned to panic as she realized that she could still lose him. He might be alive but he certainly wasn't in good shape. She picked him up and threw him over her shoulder. She began to run. _Oh god. Oh god. Don't you dare die on me Spike! _Fear and terror ran through her as she sped out of the alley. Her breath was coming out in short gasps. They only lived about twenty minutes from here and at a run she knew they would make it in half that time. She tried to stick to the more deserted streets but she wasn't able to avoid the odd person considering it was a Saturday night. A few people stopped short at the sight of a small blonde woman running with a man thrown over her shoulders, although she was so quick they probably thought it wasn't real.

When she finally arrived at her door, she rummaged around in her pockets for her house keys and pulled the key out before she turned it in the lock. She breathed a sigh of relief once they were across the threshold, and she slammed the door shut. The front door led straight into their living room and she laid Spike down on the sofa. She spared him one glance before she grabbed the phone to ring Willow. She sat on the floor beside him and began to ruffle his hair while she waited for it to be picked up. The phone rang three times before Willow answered.

"Hello, Buffy!" she said.

Buffy took a deep breath before speaking. "Willow – I need you here right now." She paused for a moment. Her mouth was dry and her voice was coming out in a rasp. "Spike's been hurt and something magical happened to him," she continued. "I can't explain over the phone. You need to see it for yourself."

Willow gasped. "Oh my goddess. I'll be there right away."

"Thank you," Buffy said. The phone was shaking in her hands.

"I'll be there in five minutes, tops," her friend reassured her before hanging up.

Buffy was surprised at how together she had sounded on the phone when she was completely panicking inside. She had so many questions. What the hell had happened? Why was Spike breathing? Was he really human now? Was it a temporary arrangement or had he joined the living club for good?

She kissed his forehead. He felt a little fevered and a moan slipped out his lips. _Please wake up, Spike, _she thought.

Willow was true to her promise, and not even five minutes passed before she heard the screeching tyres of her friend's car outside. Buffy got up from her position on the floor.

"I'll be back in the minute," she said, not knowing if Spike could hear what she was saying or not. She ran to the door and she pulled it open. Willow was biting her lip nervously. Buffy threw her arms around her. "I'm so glad to see you," she said.

Willow patted her on back. "I rang Dawnie after I got off the phone with you."

She looked up from Willow's shoulder.

Dawn stood on the doorstep wringing her hands. "What's wrong?" she asked. "How's Spike?"

Buffy bit her lip. She was eager to get back to him and she knew they needed to see his condition to believe it. "Come on and I'll show you both."

The three women entered the room.

Dawn gasped at the sight of Spike. "He looks awful."

Willow frowned. "He's sweating, which is strange," she added.

"That's not the only thing that's strange," Buffy pointed out. "Don't you see his chest rising and falling? I totally wigged when I put my head on his chest and heard his heart beating."

The two were agog at her words.

When Willow finally processed what she heard, she found her voice. "Human? How?"

Buffy sighed, "That's exactly what I would like to know. But first I want to make sure he's alright, cos since it happened he hasn't regained consciousness. I don't know if I should take him to a hospital or not."

Willow patted her arm reassuringly. "You did the right thing," she said. "We need to know exactly what we're dealing with first. Taking him to a hospital is all well and good, but there would be a lot of questions."

The witch went over to examine him, while Dawn came over to Buffy and pulled her close.

"We'll work this out," Dawn promised.

Willow looked up from her examination. "Maybe you two should go outside for a bit while I'm doing this?"

Buffy hesitated.

Willow's patted her arm. "I don't mean leave the house. Go into the kitchen and have a coffee or some...you know, whatever."

"Please, Buffy." Dawn looked at her. "Let Willow go about her business. We would only get in the way and if he wakes up she'll call us immediately." She turned and looked at the witch, "Won't you, Will?"

Willow nodded, "Of course."

Now that her sister and friend were here, Buffy felt like she could wig now if she had to. For the first time since it happened, Buffy felt tears pricking at the backs of her eyes. She let her sister guide her out. Once in the kitchen, Dawn sat her down at the table and started to bustle about the kitchen.

"Tea or coffee?" she asked.

Buffy slumped in her chair. "I don't care, Dawn."

"I'll make you tea with a bit of brandy."

Buffy wanted to return to Spike. She settled for tapping her fingers on the table instead. She would be no good to him like this. Dawn made the tea and set a mug down beside Buffy and sat next to her.

She looked at Buffy with shining eyes. Spike was the big brother Dawn never had and they were close. She knew Dawn must be hurting too and Buffy reached across the table to squeeze her hand.

Dawn spoke quietly, "I know you probably don't want to talk about what happened, but it might do you some good."

Buffy took a steadying breath and she explained what happened. When she was finished she broke down into tears and buried her face in her arms. Dawn moved her chair beside her in a moment and took her into her arms. "Oh Buffy - he's still here, isn't he? He will be fine. Heaven or Hell wouldn't take him; he's far too annoying."

Buffy laughed despite herself and dried her eyes with her hand. "I'll kick his ass once he recovers for scaring me so much."

Dawn smiled reassuringly. "That's the spirit. He needs you now. Willow will know what to do."

Buffy and Dawn had just finished their tea when a sombre looking Willow came into the kitchen. "As far as I can see he's one hundred percent human and no percent vampire. I tried a few spells and I don't know why he's not waking up."

"What do we do now?" Buffy asked.

Willow shrugged, I'm thinking of asking one of the witches from the Council to come over. She's a qualified doctor too."

Buffy nodded her approval. "Please - if you could ask her to come? Thanks, Will."

The witch took out her cell. "I'll give her a call right now."

Buffy smiled gratefully and excused herself from the table to see Spike. He was lying in the same position she had left him. She had been hoping that there would be some change. What if he never came out of this comatose state? Whatever good or evil power that was behind this had to have planned for him to wake up. It didn't make sense to restore his humanity only to have him killed.

His hair was starting to curl with the sweat that was rolling off him. She put her fingers through his hair. "Can you hear me? Please wake up."

There was still no response and she blinked away tears. This was a time for action not tears, so she did the only thing she could think of. She prayed to whatever powers there were to bring Spike back to her.

An hour had passed since Willow's phone call and there had been no change in Spike's condition. Buffy spent the time by his side mopping his brow. She wanted to be there when he woke, because he was going to wig big time when he figured out he was human. He didn't seem to be in any immediate danger for the moment, and she wanted to let this witch look him over before it got to the point of having to take him to hospital. Willow and Dawn were sitting on the other sofa, their heads bent in conversation. Willow jumped up immediately when the door-bell rang. A woman walked in, giving Willow a warm smile. She looked like the kind of woman who you didn't cross; yet at the same time she had motherly way about her.

"This is Clara," Willow said.

She indicated the other two women. "Clara, this is Buffy and Dawn."

Buffy got up and walked over to the woman offering her hand, which Clara shook firmly. She glanced at Spike, then turned to Buffy. "This is your young man?"

"Well I would hardly call him young," Buffy mumbled.

Clara nodded briskly. "I work best without an audience. I would suggest you leave the room for a while. I will come get you as soon as I'm finished."

The Slayer may have been exhausted, but she stood her ground. She had had her breakdown, and there would be no more tearful-Buffy, just strong-Buffy.

"No – I'll stay," she insisted.

Clara was about to speak when Willow interrupted, "Buffy's determined to stay and you don't want to mess with a Slayer."

Buffy smiled at her friend in gratitude.

"Fine," Clara relented. "I have to warn you. You can't interfere even if he's in pain. Some of these spells may be painful, but it has to be done. They're necessary if we're going to find out what's happened to him."

Buffy walked over the arm chair and sat down, while Dawn sat on the arm rest beside her. Willow helped Clara with the examination. Clara began to write at speed on a notebook, while a little ball of light floated over Spike. Clara put her hand on his head and Buffy watched as he started to shudder violently.

"Is he meant to do that?" she whispered to Dawn, who had gone the colour of sour milk.

Buffy had not been prepared for the reality of the situation. It was a struggle to sit back and watch as the magic caused him pain. Buffy sighed in relief when she saw Clara take her hands from his head. The relief didn't last long, as Clara placed her hands on his chest instead. It was worse this time, and Spike appeared to be having a seizure. Buffy alternated between hugging herself and sitting on her hands as she listened to his whispers and moans.

"It's good that he is reacting to pain, right?" Dawn asked.

Buffy nodded in an attempt to reassure her sister as much as herself. Dawn had her hand on Buffy's shoulder, and when Spike made a noise her grip would get tighter. Clara pulled away from Spike and gestured to Willow to pass her the doctor's bag she carried. She took out her stethoscope and thermometer, then took his vitals. She then pulled out a needle and took some blood, which she squeezed into a bottle. She looked satisfied, which did nothing to reassure Buffy. The woman had spent a half an hour testing Spike, but he still was no closer to rousing.

When Clara was finished, she addressed Buffy. "There doesn't seem to be anything mystical wrong with him," she said. "I can't sense any spell or curse. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be any way of knowing what made him human. In regards to his physical condition, I think his body is just exhausted and trying to recover from the sudden return to life. He needs to rest for now, but he should wake up once his body has had time to recover. I tested his heartbeat and his breathing. All seems normal, but I did take some bloods to be on the safe side."

Buffy let out a breath she didn't realise she had been holding. "We don't need to take him to the hospital?"

Clara smiled. "No, he should be fine. He's just unconscious. It would be safer to keep him here considering it's going to be quite the adjustment for him."

Buffy was in completely in agreement. She knew hospital staff wouldn't want so many visitors and would insist on sending her home. There was also the chance they might think he needed to be institutionalized if they heard him talking about vampires or demons.

"You're sure?" Buffy asked.

"Yes. I can come back in the morning to check on him."

Buffy went to hug her. "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, dear. Any friend of Willow is a friend of mine. Besides, the both of you have made quite the name for yourselves and I would only be honoured to aid the original Slayer and the vampire that dusted to save the world. It's time for me to leave. I'm exhausted and I think we could all do with a good sleep."

Willow walked Clara to the door and waved goodbye.

"You two should leave too," Buffy suggested, once the door shut behind Clara. "You could get a couple of hours sleep and come back in the morning. I can manage here with Spike."

"Are you sure?" Willow asked.

"Yeah," Buffy replied as her friend tried to stifle a yawn. "You're tired."

"I'm not going anywhere," Dawn announced. "I want to be here. You or Spike might need me."

"We'll be fine," Buffy insisted.

Dawn shook her head. She had inherited the infamous stubborn Summers' gene and Buffy knew a lost cause when she saw one.

"Fine," she agreed. "You can sleep in the spare room."

"Great," said Willow. "Now that is sorted, I can go to my beddy-bye."

The three women embraced. Buffy had never been good at words, so she tried to communicate her gratitude to both Willow and Dawn in the hug. The three pulled apart and Willow smiled at them as she headed for the door.

Once the door shut, Buffy critically eyed Spike's body and decided to move him to their bedroom.

"Let me help," her sister insisted.

Buffy laughed. "Geez, Dawn. I'm the one with the super power here. I ran all the way home with him over my shoulder. I think I can manage the stairs."

"I need to do something," she protested. "Besides, you must be beat."

Buffy shrugged, not having the energy to argue, and she grabbed his middle as her sister took his feet. The Slayer was careful to shoulder the majority of the weight as they stumbled up the stairs and into the bedroom. Buffy pulled back the sheets and they laid him down on the bed.

Dawn patted Buffy on the hand. "I'm going to go to bed now. Wake me if you need me."

"Thanks, Dawn," Buffy whispered.

Dawn smiled. "That's what sisters are for."

With that she turned and walked out the door, leaving Buffy alone with Spike.

To be continued...


	3. Chapter two

Disclaimer: I don't own, I just love to play.

Thanks so much to Ginar369 for the beta. Any mistakes are my own. I can't help fiddling around with it afterwards.

**Chapter Two**

Spike stood in a stable, listening to the clip clop of horses' hooves from the street, a sound he had not heard in years. He was dreaming of the night he was turned again. He looked down and was unsurprised to see he was wearing the light grey suit with the buttercup yellow cravat. He felt his face for the glasses, throwing them to the ground and stood on them. _Fuckin' ponce. _ Spike often found himself dreaming of his bloody past, especially since he had fought and won his soul. His soul liked to remind him of his mistakes and the people he had murdered when he was painting the world red with Drusilla. There was a snapping sound from behind a stack of hay and he whirled around.

"Who's there?" he called out, searching the darkness even though he knew who it would be.

A voice answered him from the shadows. "I'm here to find my prince again. He's been out in the sunshine getting all burnt up."

"Drusilla," he said. He got to his feet and attempted to go into game face. When this didn't work he tried once more only for it to fail again.

Drusilla walked closer to him. "My poor prince is without his weapons. You needn't fear, my William. Let your princess set you to rights."

She held out her hand to beckon him to her, however, he shook his head and remained where he was standing. She tutted, "Naughty boys are supposed to do what they are told."

Unlike the last time he had been here, this time his instincts told him to run. Dream or no, he was not about to let Dru turn him.

He narrowly avoided her out stretched arms and ducked before making it out the door into the street. "I've never been good at that, pet," he called over his shoulder as he ran.

Sure enough, there were horses and carriages on the streets and the people were dressed in old fashioned attire. He ignored the dirty looks he was getting and continued to run. For one brief moment, Spike thought Dru hadn't followed him, but he soon heard her voice.

"Oh it's a game," she cooed from behind. "I do love hide and seek. I'm so very good at unwrapping presents."

As he ran through the narrow street, scattering passers-by and startling horses, Dru was like a shadow behind him. He was trapped in a game of cat and mouse. He knew how this went as he had watched her play this game many times over during their century together. She would let the mouse get so far, then close the distance and pounce. This dream was so vivid he could hear the pounding of his heart and he could feel the sweat dripping off him. His hair was longer than he was accustomed to and he shoved it from his face. Spike came to a crossroads and with Dru in pursuit he had only a moment to choose which of the paths to take. He took the right one but only to curse immediately when he turned the corner. He could see the street led to dead end and there was no way out except the way he came in. He turned around and saw Drusilla standing at the entrance to the street with a twisted smile. "Run and catch," she sang. "run and catch, the **lamb** is caught in the blackberry patch."

She was at his neck in a moment before he even had time to react. She nibbled at his neck but didn't break the skin.

"I've been called many things, but I never thought of myself as a lamb," Spike said.

"You still don't know," she said, with a shake of head. One arm was clamped tight around him preventing him from moving and she had a hand to his throat. She applied pressure to his windpipe and he struggled against her until everything went black.

It was dark when Spike came to. He wondered where he was and more importantly where his sire was. He tried to get up only for his head to meet a hard surface and used his hands to feel around. He could feel wood on all sides of him; the mad bint had put him in a coffin. He heard Drusilla's melodic voice once again. "Calm yourself, William. You must be born again, my love."

The lid was lifted from over him and Drusilla's grinning face loomed over him. She reached out to shake him and he closed his eyes. When he opened them, he realized he was sitting upright on his bed breathing heavily and Buffy was looking at him, her eyes wide.

"Sleeping beauty awakes," she joked. He sat up on the bed, then leaned back on the pillow and left out a loud groan.

"Bad dream?" she asked. "You were thrashing about."

Her small hand rested on his shoulder.

"It's just a dream, Spike. You're home now," she said.

He began to smile at her, but froze when he recognized the feeling of his heart beating. His breaths were coming out harshly and he put his hand up to his face, which was warm and sticky. He tried to get his vampire features to show, but like in the dream he wasn't a vampire anymore.

"I'm still dreaming," he mumbled. He had to be as the reality was unimaginable.

"You're not dreaming, Spike," Buffy reassured him.

He turned his eyes away from her penetrating gaze.

"No," he insisted. "This isn't real at all."

He closed his eyes, hoping when he opened them things would be different. It worked earlier after all. He felt a sharp pain across his cheekbone and opened his eyes in shock only to see Buffy glaring at him.

"Was that real enough for you?" she asked.

He opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't find any words. His stinging cheek was proof enough this was no dream. He felt nauseous as the reality of the situation started to sink in. Buffy was looking at him with soft eyes and a contrite smile.

"I'm sorry," she told him. "I just needed to make sure you knew you weren't dreaming. I'm worried about you."

"How long have I been sleeping?" he asked.

Buffy looked at her watch. "It's noon now. I brought you back here after it happened."

He shook his head and looked her in the eye. "I was dusting. Did you do something?"

He knew he was wrong the moment the words escaped his lips. He could see the anger and hurt in her eyes at the implication.

"I didn't do anything," she retorted. She paused a moment, before she continued, "I know what it's like to be dead and done only to get resurrected. I wouldn't do that to you."

He took a deep breath. "I didn't mean to accuse you of anything. I'm in new territory here, love. Bloody hell, I wake up one morning and I'm a real boy!"

Buffy nodded and she took his hand in hers and squeezed it. He was so grateful to have his girl here; her presence still providing an anchor in his shifting world.

He was still amazed by the sensations he had taken for granted over a century ago. Breathing was never a habit he had truly broken, but feeling his heart beat was alien to him. Buffy released her hold on his hand and embraced him tightly, causing him to wince in pain. She weakened her hold immediately and sat at the edge of the bed. "Whoops," she said. "I'm just so relieved you're okay."

There was his first reminder of how things were going to change; he was very human and fragile. "Can I have something to drink?" he asked, licking his dry, cracked lips.

Buffy walked out of the room and returned a moment later with a jug of water and a glass. He took the glass and swallowed the contents gratefully. When he was finished, she filled it once more and she put a glass down on the bedside table. Spike swung his legs out of the bed onto the floor but didn't stand up. He could sense Buffy watching him, waiting for him to do or say something, and he was grateful she was giving him the time to get his head together. They sat there in silence until Spike could bear it no longer. "What happened to me, Buffy? I remember that wanker driving a stake right toward my heart."

Buffy sighed. "I don't know exactly. One minute you're getting a stake in the heart and the next you're sparkling and all human."

He choked at that. "I sparkled? Like that poof Edward Cullen?"

She laughed and he felt his heart speed up at the sound. "I'm kidding. It was more glowy than sparkly."

"Glowy?" he asked.

"I was all colour-me-surprised too," she replied.

"Am I a real boy for good now?" he wondered aloud. His voice was barely more than a whisper.

Buffy shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe, but I don't really know anything for sure," she admitted. "If I had to hazard a guess then I think it's got to be that Shoo Shan Prophecy."

"You mean the Shanshu," he corrected her. "I don't get it, love. I always thought this was Angel's gig. He's the one that wanted to be human so badly."

"I know it's a shock," Buffy said. "We'll deal, like we deal with everything that comes our way. That's what we do."

_If only it was that simple?_ He ran his fingers through his hair. As far as he was concerned the whole thing didn't make a lick of sense.

"Why the fuck would the Powers that Be give me the prophecy?" he asked.

"You're a champion too," she insisted. "Why wouldn't you deserve it?"

He had a lot of answers to that, but he didn't want to hurt her. _Who says this is a reward? I'm weak and I can't have your back anymore. _

Instead, he settled for saying, "The soddin' Powers don't do things for a reward unless they're getting something out of it."

She bit her lip and he wondered if she drew blood. He would have known if he was still a vampire. "You're right," she confessed. "I just want to be optimistic for once. Is that so wrong?"

He snorted. "That doesn't sound like you, love. You've seen the best and the worst of the world. You know what sort of wankers the Powers are."

"Shut up!" He looked up at her. Her eyes were blazing with anger and her hands were on her hips. "You asshole! I have been worried sick about you. A few hours ago, I thought I was watching you dust before me and then I spent all night worried I was going to lose you anyway. I think I have earned the chance to be happy my boyfriend isn't a big pile of dust."

He felt a pang of guilt, realizing that if he had been through the ringer, then Buffy must be an emotional mess, worrying her pretty little head about him. He looked at the wooden floor not knowing what to say. He could feel her sidle closer to him on the bed.

"Look at me," she commanded. He turned his gaze from the floor to her face.

"I get that you're wigged." She raised her hand to his chin and looked into his eyes. "I do. Still we're together. I love you, and that's what is important. I fell in love with the man and the monster. With or without the monster you're still you."

He wished he could feel as confident as she did. Still, he felt all warm inside at her declaration of love and he vowed he would learn to cope with this for her.

He kissed her forehead. "I love you too, Buffy."

"I know," she said, smiling. "We'll get through this. We've fought skanky hell gods and the First Evil. This is nothing compared to that."

She leaned her head on his shoulder and he put his arm around her. Even the darkest times holding Buffy could anchor him in a way no other woman ever could. Not that there were many women he had been in love with. Only Dru really, and she was too bonkers to be much comfort. Buffy was his home and knowing that she loved him gave him strength to take on the world. Maybe they could come through this unscathed after all? The grumbling of his stomach interrupted their tender moment.

Buffy got up from the bed. "I'll get you some soup and toast."

She left the room before he could say a word. He got to his feet about to follow her when he heard the Nibblet's loud laugh. He didn't think he could deal with anybody else right now, even if it was the Bit. He could barely cope with this bombshell himself never mind face the Spanish Inquisition. He looked down at his hands and noticed they were trembling. He had been a poor excuse for a man the first time. Now, he had a second chance to be a man and he wondered if he would make the same mistakes.

Buffy walked back into the room, the delicious aroma of vegetable soup wafting in with her. Spike's mouth watered in anticipation as she sat a tray on his lap. He picked up his spoon and started to eat the mixture like a starving man. He could feel Buffy's eyes on him and he looked up.

"Thanks," he said, between mouthfuls.

"You're welcome," she replied. "I have to head out for a while. I need to go grocery shopping. Will you be okay?"

He managed to refrain from rolling his eyes. "I'm a big boy. I don't need babysitting. Just go do your shopping and you can fuss over me when you get back. I'm sure I can think of plenty of things you can do."

She smiled, the smile not meeting her eyes. "Sure. I'll be back in an hour or two."

He watched as she left the room and the let the tension leave his body. He was trying to pretend he was coping with the bombshell, but the truth was he was a mess. He didn't know who he was anymore for starters. He wondered if he could get to terms with it by doing things he hadn't been able to do since he picked up his sun allergy. Everything looked the same, even though the whole world had turned on its axis. He walked towards the window and pulled the curtain open a smidge. He could feel his heart thudding against his rib cage, as he put his hand into the path of the light. He half expected his hand to start to smoulder but it didn't of course. He pulled back the curtains fully and looked outside at their backyard. He opened the window and he stuck his head out breathing in the fresh air. Despite his demon, he had always missed the sun on his skin and he had dreamed many times of seeing Buffy in the sun once again, though he believed it would be impossible. _Was this really the Shanshu or something more sinister? _he wondered. His heart dropped as he realised that he would have to contact his grandsire and try to get whatever information he had on the prophecy. That was going to be a fun conversation. _What could he say? Hey Peaches! You haven't managed to lose that pesky soul again have you, because it looks like I'm the Powers new favourite pet_. There was one thing the Powers had not bargained on though; Spike had never been one to follow blindly and do as he was told. He smirked as he thought about how he would show those soddin' Powers that he wasn't going to be their bitch. He moved away from the window and he walked into the bathroom. He looked at his face in the large mirror over the sink and he looked in wonder at his reflection as it mimicked his movements. He noted with disgust that his eyes were blood shot and he examined the stubble on his chin. His face was going to change and he was going to age like a dried up prune. His sense of smell was not as pronounced, his hearing was not as strong and he felt like some part of him was missing. The truth was that part of him was: his demon. He sighed, but he resolved not to let himself brood. He may not have wanted this, but he was damned if he was going to turn into Angel. Besides, he knew Buffy would kick his ass if he didn't stop behaving like such a prat.

Spike was in the kitchen, sitting at the table with a mug of tea in his hands, when Buffy returned from her grocery shopping. His lips quirked, seeing her laden down with lots of bags.

He tilted his head. "Bought the shop out, did you, love?"

She walked over to the table and dropped the bags in front of him. "We needed more food especially now as blood is off the menu for you."

She started to load the groceries away and he got up to help. He grabbed the milk and butter.

"I was thinking," he said, opening the fridge. He turned to look at Buffy, whose head peaked around the cupboard she was stacking away the food in.

"Did it hurt?" she asked, with a mischievous grin.

He narrowed his eyes. "You cheeky bint!"

She was unrepentant. "It's a good job I prefer brawn to brain."

He feigned hurt putting his hand on his heart. "Talk about kicking a man when he is down."

She put her hand to her mouth to stifle a giggle.

"So, what were you really thinking about?" she asked.

He paused for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully.

"You don't think Angel's off the wagon do you?" he asked.

Buffy froze at his words and went pale.

"No," she protested. "We would know."

He raised a brow. "Would we?"

"Faith would have called looking for back up," Buffy pointed out.

"Would they have told you when you have been busy playing Florence Nightingale?" Spike asked.

She opened her mouth to protest, before quickly closing it.

"I'm going to phone Faith," she announced.

Spike sat down on the edge of table as Buffy picked up the phone. At her look of disapproval he reluctantly sat on a chair instead. He put his hands behind his head and stretched, leaning back on the chair. His mouth quirked into a smile as he watched Buffy tapping her fingers on the phone. She was just as impatient as he was. She straightened up with a sudden jerk and he could just about make out the sound of a voice coming from the phone, but he couldn't hear what was being said. He felt a pang of loss at another reminder of newly human situation, before shaking off the feeling and turning back to the conversation.

Buffy sighed. "That's what I was wondering, Faith. I'm just calling to make sure Angel's not come around all soul free."

He watched her smile at Faith's response. "Are you sure? Have you seen him in last couple of days?"

"Good," she said, replacing the receiver. She plopped down on the chair next to him and beamed at him.

Spike raised a brow. "I take it that's good news."

"Peachy," she replied. "Faith says he's not been acting all homicidal. Besides, Angel's been too busy watching ballet to do anything evil."

Spike chuckled. "And you think Angelus didn't enjoy the ballet? You're wrong about that, love. Darla and Angelus loved to think they were refined, mixing with the toffs."

Buffy scrunched her forehead in confusion. "Toffees? Mix what with toffee?"

He chuckled. "Toffs. Posh, stuck up people."

She scrunched her nose. "Can't you just speak English?"

"You colonials are the ones who butchered my mother tongue," he argued. "Anyway, the point I was making is ballet can be evil."

"Yeah?" She asked. "Been on the wrong side of a ballet shoe before?"

Spike shook his head at her quip. He was glad there wasn't an emergency in Los Angeles, but he was back to square one. He still didn't believe it made sense for the Powers to make him human. He wasn't looking for redemption. He was a formerly bad man trying to make a difference and not some soddin' hero type. What if this humanity was someone's way of pulling his strings? The last time someone had him playing the hero it was some big ploy to get at Angel and wasn't there a certain evil law firm that would get a kick out of messing with his own head.

"Wolfram and Hart," he blurted out.

Buffy frowned in confusion. "Huh?"

"I was just thinking out loud," he explained. "The evil law firm Angel used to run could have done this to me. When we were sent to the Hell dimension they made Captain Forehead human."

"It's not possible," Buffy said. "A friend of Willow did all kinds of magic tests on you to check if there was a spell or any sort of hex, but she found nothing. It has to be the Shoe thing."

"Oh," he said. "I guess that answers my question then."

Buffy shook her head. "Is it so bad, Spike? Is it so bad that you're human again?"

"No," he lied.

"Don't lie to me," she snapped. "I know you, William. I'm trying so hard here to be the supportive girlfriend."

"You don't understand, love. It's not your fault, but you could never understand and I don't want ever to have to."

"Am I not enough for you?" she asked softly. "Is spending the rest of your life with me such a bad thing? Sure, you're not going to live forever and you'll age, but you have me."

His heart ached at her words and he cursed his thoughtlessness. He tried to put his arms around her but she turned her back to him.

"I'm fine" she said. "I didn't mean that."

The hitch in her voice betrayed her. Spike put his hand on her shoulder and turned her around. He bent down slightly so she was looking directly at him. He could see tears in her eyes.

"Listen to me carefully, you silly bint," he told her. "This is about you, yeah, but not in the way you think. Being immortal doesn't mean anything to me and I couldn't give a toss about ageing. In fact I reckon I'll look very distinguished with some silver in my hair." He saw her smile at that and his heart lifted. "Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked. The thing is I've always had your back, been strong enough to fight at your side, and now I've woken up after a long nap to find things have changed. I'm useless, some cannon fodder some Big Bad going to try and use against you."

She smacked his chest hard. "You big jerk! You're not useless and you're very important to me. Don't you see how much? I've ruined my make up over you and I probably look like a racoon."

"A beautiful racoon," he said with a smirk.

She grabbed him and she pressed her lips to his.

Buffy and Spike spent the rest of the day alone and Spike enjoyed the privacy as he knew it wasn't going to last long. He knew the time would come when he would have to face the hurricane that was the Scooby Gang. They sat on their sofa, their limbs entwined.

"Thanks for sparing me the ministrations of the Scoobies," he said.

She smiled at him. "I figured you needed that space. Although, I think we have to bring in the big guns tomorrow, Spike. We've never been good for the whole researchy thing, and I promised I would get you all checked out when you got over the shock. "

"You've got to be kidding me," he moaned. "I don't fancy getting prodded and pricked."

"I'll make it worth your while," she replied with a wink.

He smiled. "You know how to manipulate me, you saucy bint."

"You like me bossy," she retorted.

"Maybe," he conceded. "Does this mean I've got to call Gramps?"

"I don't know if that's such a good idea," Buffy admitted. "Would it be better if I did the ringing? I know you Spike, and you'll probably try and wind him up."

Spike shook his head. "I think it would be better coming from me. That way he can accuse me of all sorts without you having to listen."

She looked far from convinced. "I get that it's your story to tell. Try not to be too much of a jerk about it."

"You might have noticed I'm not exactly singing and dancing, love. I'm not about to pretend that I am for Peaches' benefit either."

"Fine," she allowed. "Point taken and hammered home. I'll just go and make the other arrangements on my cell. You can use the house phone."

He could see the pain in her expression as she got up and walked out of the room. He sighed knowing that things were probably going to get harder before they would get better. He knew Angel was going to be upset that Spike had ruined his plans once more, but even Angel would have to admit that his time he fucked things up completely by accident. He actually felt sorry for the blighter and that was saying something coming from him. There was no point in procrastinating any further, so he decided to bite the bullet and dialled the Ponce's telephone number.

"Hello," came Angel's voice on the other end.

Spike decided he might as well start out all confrontational. There was nothing like a conversation with Peaches to get the juices flowing. "About time. I don't have all day to wait around."

"Spike," Angel acknowledged. The poofter didn't sound too happy to hear from him.

He decided there was no point dancing around the issue and got straight to the nub of the matter. "I'm looking for some information on that Shanshu prophecy Percy discovered years ago."

Spike fancied he could hear the cogs turn in Angel's brain.

"And why would you be looking for that?" Angel asked.

Spike took a deep breath and told Angel an abbreviated version of what happened. There was silence on the other end of the phone. Spike could picture the look of confusion on Angel's face as he tried to process what he just heard.

"Is this some sort of joke?" Angel finally asked.

"No, it's not," Spike said. "Given recent events I reckon that prophecy was about me."

"I guess having Buffy wasn't enough for you," Angel sneered.

"Feeling bitter, are we?" Spike asked. "I was soddin' well happy being a vampire. If I had my way I still would be, and you would have your bloody Shanshu."

"Oh this is priceless," Angel spat. "You have everything I wanted and still you're not happy. You're all poor me, instead of being happy you've got a chance at giving Buffy a normal life. Well do you know what? Fuck you Spike!"

"No thanks. Buffy might get jealous."

"I hated you from the moment Dru saw fit to make you a vampire," Angel sneered. "I thought she was subconsciously trying to repay me for siring her. However, I came to the conclusion when I was a souled that you were my punishment for all my evil deeds."

"Get over it," Spike snapped. "It could be that this is something else. That is why I need all you have or know about the Shanshu."

"I don't know much, but I will send you what I have. By the way, I'm not doing this for you."

"I know you're doing this for Buffy," Spike said.

"Don't be an ass, Spike," Angel warned him. "Buffy is the best thing that ever happened you. Don't fuck it up."

Spike was speechless at Angel's words of advice. Angel slammed down the phone and Spike ran his fingers through his hair. _I guess that could have gone worse, _he thought.

To be continued


	4. Chapter three

**Disclaimer: This is for non profit making fun. Kudos to the real owners of BTVS.**

**Chapter Three**

Buffy had enjoyed the time she and Spike had spent together but when the following day arrived it was time to face reality. She could tell that he was trying hard to be okay with this seismic change in his life. He was a lot quieter than he usually was and this was disconcerting. Any time she tried to bring up the subject of this change, he veered the conversation to another subject. Patience was something she had to work very hard at and as a result she had several cuts on her lip from biting down on it. She wondered, if he thought if he ignored the change, it would go away. Fat chance of that. She was hurting for him, while at the same time, if she was honest, she was delighted he was human, because it meant they could do normal things. This made her feel guilty and she Spike knew how she felt, even if he said nothing and resented the fact that something that making him miserable was something she was happy about. It helped her keep her temper in check. She managed to get him out of the house and down to the local coffee house for some coffee and donuts. They were sitting at a booth in the back of the shop and he had barely said a word since they arrived other than to order what he wanted. They had been through a lot of shit together and they had done a lot of terrible things to one another. Yet, she had rarely been uncomfortable in his presence or struggled to talk to him even when it was disgust or anger. Words of comfort didn't come easy to her, so she decided to show him instead. She slipped her socked foot from her boot and ran her foot up and down his leg. He jumped and his blue eyes widened as she continued her journey up his thigh. She was disappointed, when he caught her foot in his hand. Still, she had caught his attention.

He shook his head. "I thought you'd gotten over your exhibitionist phase, love."

"I'm a naughty girl. What you going to do about it?" She tried to extricate her foot from his grasp.

"Not so fast," he said and he started to rub circles into her feet, which incidentally were quite sore from her fashionable yet uncomfortable boots. Despite herself, she let out a loud moan and everyone in the coffee shop turned to look at her. She turned bright red at the knowing stares. She hurriedly pulled her foot from his hand and put it back into her boot.

"Let' get out of here," she hissed at him, determinedly ignoring all the giggles.

Spike's satisfied smirk never left his face as they left. The man had no shame.

"What did you do that for?"

"You started it, love."

"Point taken," she admitted with a sigh. "Oh, we can never show our faces in there again."

Spike started to laugh and she followed suit. The chuckling pair headed off on their way home.

A couple of hours later, the doorbell rang. Buffy was not surprised to see her sister and her two best friends standing on the door step. She had put them off the previous day to allow Spike some time to adjust but she knew they were anxious to see him.

"Hi, guys," Buffy said letting them inside.

Xander had his arm around Dawn and Buffy had to admit back in Sunnydale she had never seen that development coming. Initially, she had been a little uneasy given the age gap and that Xander used to babysit her, however Dawn had pointed out she could hardly complain about age difference given her relationships. They were still together and going strong; Buffy could see they were meant for each other.

"Where's the newly human dude?" Xander asked.

"Right here," Spike said, walking into the living room. "Did I enter on your bad side? It must be a bitch having only one eye. You miss all sorts."

"Ah," Xander replied. "I see you haven't loss your forked tongue."

"It's the only evil I have left," Spike joked. There was a bitter note to the words and Buffy doubted she was the only one who noticed it.

"Well it's good to see you up and walking and insulting," Xander said.

Spike nodded his thanks. Xander and Spike were always bickering. Despite all the male posturing, she suspected they rather liked each other or at least liked having some male solidarity in a group of strong, opinionated women.

"Ditto," added Willow and stepped forward and embraced him.

Unable to restrain herself any longer, Dawn rushed right at Spike and squeezed him tightly. "You scared me. Don't you do that to Buffy again!"

"I didn't plan it, pet." Spike rolled his eyes, but Buffy could see the little smile that showed he was gratified by her concern.

Dawn continued, "I stayed that night you know, but no sooner had you woken then Buffy decided she wanted you all to herself."

"It was as well," Spike admitted. "I wasn't really in the mood to deal with people."

Xander had been quiet all the time but he couldn't resist. "I never thought there was a time when you ever were a people person."

Spike glared at him. "Oh ha ha! You're one to bleedin' talk considering you've always been the social butterfly."

Dawn in an attempt to prevent war decided to change the subject. "What are you going to do now you're human?"

Spike looked taken aback at the question and Dawn put her hand to her mouth, seeming to realise she had asked the wrong question. Xander either didn't care or didn't realise this was a topic to be avoided.

Xander smirked. "You'll have to get a normal job now like the rest of us humans. You don't have the excuse of being unemployable anymore."

"I have a job already, Harris," Spike said.

Buffy exchanged a concerned glance with Dawn. She had not got around discussing any options about his future with Spike yet. There were certain aspects that just weren't doable for a human, even if he was Spike.

"You can't help train the slayers anymore," Xander pointed out. "You're just as breakable as me these days, and do you really think your demon buddies would listen to a human even if he used to be a vampire."

Buffy watched Spike carefully for a reaction. For once she found him difficult to read. She really would have to talk to Xander about his big mouth someday.

After a moment of silence, Spike replied, "What can I say? I'm too pretty to need to work. Buffy loves bringing home the bacon."

Even Xander couldn't miss the tension in the room now. He sent an apologetic glance to Buffy.

He clapped Spike on the back. "There's one job I'm sure you could still do. Fancy hustling some people out of their hard earned cash with a spot of pool?"

Spike's eyes lit up at that. "You play the way you normally do and I'll throw a game or two. They won't know what's hit em."

She felt a rush of warmth for her friend for knowing what to say in the end.

"Go," she urged. "The girls and I are overdue a chat over ice cream. You boys go do boy things."

Spike came over to her and kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear, "I'll be fine, love. Don't worry about me. It's going to take time." He could see right through her and she wished she could say the same. His emotion was always an open book; his mind wasn't as easy to read. She watched as the two men headed off jostling each other as they went. The door slammed behind them and Buffy turned to meet two concerned faces. The two women guided her to the kitchen, where they sat down.

"How are you doing?" Dawn asked.

"It's not me you need to be concerned about."

"Oh, Buffy," Willow shook her head. "Spike's been through a lot, but he's got you to worry about him. Who's going to look after you?"

Buffy sniffled a little at that. "It's been like walking on egg shells, not knowing the right thing to say or do. Tomorrow, I'm going to take him to the slayer headquarters to get him checked out. He managed to talk me out of it today."

Dawn patted her hand across the table. "Spike knows you love him and he's going to get through this. If he starts brooding too much, then I'll just have to kick his ass for you."

Buffy smiled. She knew Dawn meant it.

"You might want to be strong for Spike but you don't have to be for us," Wilow said.

Xander must have realised she needed this chat and Spike too she imagined judging at the look on his face before he left. She decided to speak before she lost the courage, "Spike's always been strong and I'm not usually one for holding back when I'm angry at him. I feel like I've been changed in some way too and then I wonder if I'm making it worse by treating him differently."

Having Willow and Dawn there, not judging just listening, gave her strength to continue on and voice her fears. Both she and Spike were getting what they needed tonight but it wasn't with each other.

The next couple of days passed in a whirlwind of interviews and medical exams. Buffy really felt for Spike knowing how uncomfortable this must be making him. The Slayers were treating him like an exhibition and any time she and Spike entered the local Slayer office, they were accompanied by whispers and stares. Spike had the usual medical checks, as well as some tests on his strength and muscle. Buffy suspected he was starting to fully comprehend the physical changes in himself and the fact he could no longer have such an active role in patrolling. He had been very grumpy and touchy in the aftermath. It had taken five days for the tests to be completed and Spike was at the slayer office to get the results. Spike and Buffy were sitting in the visitor's room in the west wing whiling away the time.

"I reckon those wankers just did half of those tests for kicks," Spike moaned. "Those nerds can't resist the mystery of the vampire ending up with a pulse."

Buffy didn't say anything not wanting to encourage his rant, although she did think he had a point.

"I don't care what they say," Spike continued, putting his arms across his chest. "I'm not doing any more tests." He looked the picture of a sulking child and she giggled earning her a glower from his direction. She was saved from explaining herself by the sound of the nurse calling Spike's name.

The two got to their feet. "Do you still want me to come in with you?" Buffy asked.

"Might be safer, love. I'm feeling a mite violent."

Spike and Buffy walked into the now familiar looking medical office. The room was very sterile looking with all white walls and ceilings. Buffy shuddered as it reminded her of a hospital and she had seen enough of those to last a lifetime. They took a seat in front of a mahogany desk, while they waited for the doctor. Spike was anxiously jiggling his leg to her left and Buffy took his hand in hers. Dr. Collins entered the room and beamed at them. He was red haired, amiable man with a propensity to put his foot in his mouth. Despite his foibles, he had a heart of gold and his record spoke for itself.

"How are you both, today?" the doctor asked.

"Impatient," Spike said bitingly.

The doctor flushed and Buffy sent a glare at Spike for his rudeness before turning back to the doctor.

"We're very well, thank you," she said. "Sorry about Spike. He's being an insufferable grump today."

"Hey, I'm right here," Spike hissed.

Dr. Higgins coughed looking uncomfortable to be in the middle of a domestic spat.

He turned to Spike and said, "It's good news. You're perfectly healthy. Your physical condition is very good and you have maintained your physique."

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief.

Spike wore an equally relieved expression and got to his feet pulling her with him. "Let's get out of here!"

Before they could make a move to the door, Dr. Higgins coughed to get their attention. They turned their attention back to him.

Turning to Spike he said, "You'll find as a human, it's a lot harder to keep fit. I have made out a fitness regimen for you." He handed a laminated piece of paper to Spike. He continued, "I was hoping you would allow me interview you on a regular basis and include the results in a paper I'm working on for the council." He gestured to a piece of paper and pen he had on his desk. "You just need to sign this release."

"Fuck off!" Spike shook his head and handed the regimen back to him. "I appreciate your help, doctor, but I'm done with this shit."

Dr. Collins's mouth flew open and Spike stomped towards the door.

"Are you coming, love?" Spike called over his shoulder as he walked out.

Buffy smiled apologetically at the doctor. "He's grateful, just not eager to put the experience on rinse and repeat. He's not a very good patient."

"I gathered that," Dr. Collins muttered drily.

"Thank you, Doctor," Buffy said. She went to follow Spike and found him waiting for her in the foyer.

Spike still had an angry tic in his cheek and Buffy could see he was in a right temper.

"I'm not doing this again, love," he said. "Enough is enough. I'm not some project. I've been a guinea pig for medical types before."

"Nobody is making you do anything," she reassured him.

He was still glowering and she rolled her eyes. Patience wasn't exactly one of her virtues but somehow she was managing to allow him have his sulk, although she didn't think she could take much more of it. She needed some way to bring him out of his funk. There was only one thing she could think of and it could either be just what he needed or an utter disaster.

She looped her arm in his and they started to head in the direction of the exit. "Let's go out tonight," she suggested.

"I don't know," he began. "I'm not really in the mood."

Buffy smiled coyly. "I'll wear your favourite dress and we can go get some dinner. We can have a bottle of wine and some Chinese. Then we can go patrolling after."

He stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her. "Patrolling? Not afraid I'm going to be in the way?"

She nodded and she could see a small smile tug at his lips. His eyes lit up at the prospect.

"Spike, you might not be as strong as you used to be," Buffy said, with an earnest expression in her eyes. "Still, you're one of the best fighters I've known. We need to know what you're capable of. More importantly you need to believe in yourself again."

"I don't-" Spike protested only to be cut off.

She shushed him. "You don't have to be okay for me. You can be as miserable as you feel and you can tell me anything. You gave me that a couple of years when I came back from the dead. Let me help you."

Spike looked at her with one of those penetrating looks that made her feel naked under his gaze.

"One hell of a woman," he muttered. "You never cease to amaze me."

He always made her feel simultaneously embarrassed and loved at the same time when he looked at her like that.

"We better get going," Spike said. "No point standing around."

They started walking once more. They navigated the busy corridors, briefly greeting those they knew. The exit was within sight at last when Buffy's cell phone beeped in her pocket and she pulled it out to see she had a text from Willow.

It read, "Buff, I know you and Spike are around today. Can you call over to my office before you go?"

Buffy let out a sigh. "That was Will. She wants us to call over."

"What for?" Spike groused. "No offence to Red or anything, but I'm done with being the performing chimpanzee."

Spike's satisfied grin didn't quite lend itself to the grousing.

"Come on, grumpy," Buffy teased. "The sooner we see Will, the sooner we can get out of here."

They went back the way they came and were at Willow's office within moments. Buffy rapped on the door.

"Come in," Willow called out.

Spike and Buffy walked into the office. Buffy thought the place really suited Willow. It was bright, airy and full of colour.

"Thanks for coming by," Willow said. "I have a present for you, Spike."

Spike turned to look at Buffy. "Did you know something about this?"

She shook her head, just as surprised as he was.

Willow handed Spike a thick envelope. "It's not really a present, but something I figured you might need now."

Spike's frown deepened at that and he rummaged inside the envelope. Buffy's curiosity was peaked and she leaned in to look closer. He pulled out some papers and placed them on the table. Buffy could see what looked like a birth certificate and a driver's license on the pile. Spike looked like he didn't know what to make of all this.

Willow was smirking, proud of her achievement. "Not only are you human now, Spike, you're a real documented person with a green card and passport and all."

"Thank you, Red," Spike said quietly. "I guess I can't bite a copper if he pulls me over a speeding ticket anymore, and there's no need for me to travel in baggage hold on a plane neither."

Later that night, Buffy was feeling extremely content. She had been in her favourite restaurant, stomach full with delicious food and shared a dessert with Spike. Throughout the meal they played footsie under the table. After they had finished, Spike helped Buffy into her jacket. They bid the waiter goodbye and headed out into the street. The wine was making her feel a little lightheaded and she wondered if perhaps she should give the patrolling a miss. Looking at Spike's grin she decided that she couldn't break her promise. Buffy nearly took a tumble after getting her heel caught in a drain but her slayer reflexes meant she righted herself quickly. Spike wasn't taking any chances and had grabbed her by waist. His hand slid down to cup her ass and she reflected how his gentlemanly behaviour didn't very long, not that she minded. Buffy smiled at him and leaned in for a kiss.

"You really shouldn't drink, love," Spike said. "What would you have done if I wasn't there to catch you?"

She shook her head. "I stopped myself from falling before you even caught me. Besides, all you were doing was grabbing my ass."

He shrugged, "I couldn't miss the opportunity, but you should probably get a coffee."

"I better get changed as well," she added.

Spike's appreciative leer made her heart thud. "Pity," he said.

The laughing pair made their way home.

Spike and Buffy went to the cemetery closest to their house and there did not seem to be vampires out. Buffy knew Spike was itching to prove himself but she was glad there was little action.

"Maybe it's time to all it a day, Spike?" she asked.

He bristled at the suggestion. "Are you changing your mind?"

"No, I'm not," she lied. "I just think if there was any action to be had that it would be here already."

Buffy could see the vein in his forehead about to pop. "Come on, Buffy. We've only been out a half an hour. Give it time."

"Fine," she relented. "A half hour."

He mock saluted her. "Yes ma'am."

Spike was right and it wasn't long before trouble found them. Buffy heard the sound of earth shifting and sure enough when she scanned the graves nearby a hand was coming up from the ground. Spike took off eagerly in the direction of the grave and Buffy rushed after him. By the time they got there the vampire was half way out of the grave and was looking at Spike like he was his dinner. The Slayer jumped in front of Spike and dusted the vampire. _Only I get to eye my boyfriend like that._ She whirled around to face Spike and one look at him told her she was annoyed that he interfered. His mouth was in a thin line and his eyes narrowed. She was at the end of her tether, walking on egg shells, so she just let it rip. To hell with his bruised ego.

"You're human, you used to eat people like you," she barked.

"I could have taken her out if you had given me half a chance," he retorted.

They were interrupted by a scream from the other side of the cemetery.

"We'll have this conversation later," Buffy said waspishly.

Buffy wanted to tell him to stay behind and let her take care of this. She knew he wouldn't though, so she kept her mouth shut as the two of them headed in the direction of the disturbance. Another newly risen vampire had attacked an old lady, who was doing her best to beat it off with a handbag.

"Hey, Bitey, how about you pick on someone with a pointy weapon." She brandished her stake.

You would think that the fact she had a stake would have put off the vampire, but as she was well aware these fledges could be pretty dumb when in the throes of their first blood lust. The vampire turned away from the old lady and turned his attention to Buffy instead.

"Spike, help grandma," she ordered.

Spike obeyed her and went over the woman leaving Buffy satisfied that the vampire was concentrated solely on her. She hoped this fledge would give her a good battle considering she was in dire need of an ass kicking. The vampire went for her and she just side stepped him.

"You'll have to do better, Bitey," she said and grabbed him thrusting the stake into his chest.

The poor woman was unhurt but shaken nonetheless.

"What was that?" she asked.

"Vampire, pet," Spike answered. "You should never venture into graveyards at night, you silly bint."

"Excuse me," she said.

"Sssh," Spike said. "Do you hear that?"

There was the sound of shifting earth again. Suddenly, Buffy felt a hand on her foot. Another vampire was rising. This was ridiculous and no doubt it was all because of her thought that nothing evil was lurking. Buffy grabbed the hand and pulled the vampire from the grave. The vamp managed to wriggle from her grasp and her blood froze as he went straight for Spike. She needn't have worried though as Spike had his stake and dusted the vampire easily.

"That was piss easy," Spike declared. "Don't know what you were worried about, Slayer."

Buffy left the barb slide; she was much too relieved.

The old lady was looking at Spike like he was the most amazing person in the world. Buffy rolled her eyes skyward. _I did the same thing earlier, but no fawn over the beautiful man why don't you._ Spike was preening under the attention.

"Let's get you home," Buffy put in.

Spike held her arm out for the old lady to take. Buffy was surprised she was accepting his gallant gesture, when he had been so rude to her only moments before. He extended the other for Buffy to take much to her surprise.

"Later," he whispered. "Truce for now."

She knew they were going to have one hell of a fight later.

After Buffy and Spike dropped the old lady home, they spent the journey home in silence. There was so much tension bubbling under the surface these past few days. She spent the time running over the night's events in her head. She had thought she was ready to go out there with him and patrol. She wasn't stupid. She knew he was in need of some violence as much as she was. It was part of him, but knowing he was human made her instinctively want to protect him. That's what she did, who she was. Spike didn't want to be protected. He still wanted to be a champion, fight at her side and be her equal. He was deluded and he was in for a rude awakening when it finally hit him. Once they stepped across the threshold and the door was closed, the dam broke.

Spike got right in her face. "You're a hypocritical bitch," he raged. "You told me earlier you believed in me and you were giving me a chance to trust in myself and test what I can do. Was that all lies? Was it some crumb you were throwing my way?"

"You're an asshole," Buffy shouted. "I meant what I said. It didn't include you trying to get yourself killed."

"Bullshit," he argued. "I wasn't trying to get myself killed. You didn't give me a chance to prove myself. 'Sides when I did I was able to do the business."

Buffy softened her tone hoping to get through to him. "Maybe, Spike, but you can't be deliberately putting yourself in harm's way. Fine, help me patrol. You've got remember I'm a Slayer. As much as you don't want to believe it, you're not a vampire anymore."

He didn't answer and just sat down on the couch instead.

Buffy sighed. "I love you. I really do. I know I don't say it enough."

He looked up. "I know, and I you. It's just hard is all."

She took off her coat and popped it on the coat rack. She was exhausted both mentally and physically.

"I'm going to bed," she said. "You coming?"

Spike shook his head. She went upstairs and threw off her clothes before jumping into the shower to rinse off the grime and dirt that was sticking to her skin. When she was young and naïve before Angel broke her heart, she had believed if you loved someone then anything was possible. She knew better now. You needed a lot more than love and you needed to work hard to keep the flame burning. She felt like they were drifting apart slowly and she wasn't sure what she could do to stop it. She let herself cry as the water cleansed her body but not her mind. Once she was finished she wrapped herself in a soft, fluffy towel and went back into the bedroom. She threw on her pyjamas and got into her bed. There was a cough from the doorway and she looked up to see Spike standing there. Her heart lifted at the sight.

"Thank god," she said. "I hate going to sleep angry."

He tossed off his clothes with a grin and slipped under the sheets. She snuggled into him and felt like things would be alright, even if all they did lately was hold each other.  
To be continued...


	5. Chapter four

**Disclaimer: I don't own this universe, just my own take on it.**

**Special thank as always to Ginar369 for the beta.**

**Chapter Four **

It had been well over a month now since Spike had come over all human. In all that time, he still had no answer as to why it happened. Angel's prophecy books and scrolls were a wash out and they had the very best minds in the country if not the world examining them. He wasn't looking to go back to the way things were. He had accepted it as being inescapable and there were some perks of course. Buffy in the sunlight was a sight to behold and his cock stirred as he remembered that delicious day they had spent on the beach with his girl in a skimpy bikini and with attention only for him. He was starting to believe that maybe everything could work out right until he got the next reminder of his inadequacies. No matter what Buffy liked to tell him, he knew he was a distraction she could ill afford on patrol. He had been quite cocky after the first night he had spent patrolling. Buffy had been protective and he was pissed, although he understood it was because she cared. He dusted one vamp and he was sure he was going to able to continue doing that. Instead it had become a lesson in humiliation. Buffy was ever watchful of him, pushing him out the way of danger several times and he found those manoeuvres that had come so easily to him as a superhuman vampire were not suitable for his human body. He might be athletic and muscular, but he was nowhere near as strong or agile. His second patrol ended in him spraining an ankle after being tossed in the air by some demon or other. Buffy came to his rescue and broke its neck. Even that wasn't enough for him and it wasn't until his third attempt that he finally realised the futility of the exercise. That was when he broke his arm. It seemed to be healing well, but it was a constant reminder of his new status as a newly human former vampire with a soul. There was an upside of having Buffy doting on him and he still had enough evil left in him to play on her sympathy. He had the sneaking suspicion, she knew he was playing her even though she never said. He really had struck gold when he had gotten Buffy. He wondered for the umpteenth time what she saw in him. She kept him busy doing some urgent translation on demon texts. This was to be his new job with the same pay and benefits. It was as mind numbing and boring as hell though. He was busy trying not to fall asleep when he heard the doorbell. Glad for a distraction he got up and answered the door.

"Hi, Dawn," he said with a grin. "Good to see you. Buffy isn't in if you came to see her."

"I came to see you doofus," she said. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"Thank god," he said, stepping back to allow her inside. "You've come to rescue me from the evil books."

"Evil books?" She arched a brow.

"Dusty, boring and evil," he said. "How do you do this all the time? The monotony is driving me mad."

"Poor Spikey," she mocked.

"Quit making fun of me," he said sulking. "If I was still a vamp, the hand would have healed by now and I'd be fighting at Buffy's side."

Dawn sighed. "If you were a vamp, you wouldn't be around. You would have just dusted that night. I love you, but I have to tell you you're going to turn into Angel, if you're not careful."

"Oi, Bit!" Spike outraged at the insinuation. "I'm nothing Like Peaches. Take that back."

"No, I won't." She crossed her arms across her chest.

"You try having your world turned upside down overnight."

"I did," she pointed out. "When I found out I wasn't real."

"And you acted like a right brat, if I remember correctly."

"Are you admitting you're being a brat?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Ha, bloody ha! You're dancing a thin line, pet."

"Someone has to say it to you," she said gently. "We're all worried about you."

"I know," Spike admitted. "I'm trying."

"If you really want a change from the books I could ask Xander, if you can go work on his construction project. We were talking about it last night actually and well we thought you might prefer more physical work once your arm is healed up of course."

"No way!" he protested.

Dawn rolled her eyes, "You're unhappy with the books. What else is there?"

"I'll think about it," Spike said.

When Buffy had heard about the offer, she had urged him to do it as he kept complaining about the translation jobs.

"It would be better for you than sitting down all day," Buffy said. "It would be good at keeping you fit and strong."

He wondered why Buffy was talking about keeping him fit. Was he getting pauchy? He went to the mirror and pulled up his shirt examining his stomach. He wasn't as well defined as he used and he might have put on a few pounds, but he hardly could be faulted. His arm was broken for fuck's sake. Was this Buffy's way of telling him to keep fit? He sighed and he vowed he would try out working on the construction site with Xander. Surely, it couldn't be worse than this drivel.

After three more weeks of boredom, Spike began working at the construction site. Xander was his boss, which took some getting used to. In fact he couldn't get used to it. He didn't last a week before he had the urge to hit Harris over the head with a shovel. He didn't hit him, but decided he better resign before he killed one of his girlfriend's best friends. When he went home that night with a sheepish expression, he told Buffy what he had done. To his surprise she laughed.

"I'm shocked you lasted this long," she admitted. "We had a book going at work."

"You're devious," he said. "What do I do now?"

"I don't know," she said. "We still need a translator. Otherwise, you need to hit the classifieds."

"I'm not qualified for much," he said, looking glum.

"Have you read through all the papers Willow gave you?" she asked. "There are resumes in there and everything with references as well."

"Oh, that's helpful then." He cheered at the revelation. "Are you going patrolling tonight?"

"Yep," Buffy replied.

"Fancy some company?" he asked, prepared for a rebuke.

She froze for a moment before answering. "Yeah, of course. Just don't do what you did last time."

He smiled. "Don't worry. I learned my lesson."

He really needed to kill something tonight if possible. He just hoped he wouldn't get in the way.

It turned out that the patrol went well. In fact it went so well that he figured if he worked on his fighting skills, he could probably help out once in a while. The difference was he wasn't throwing himself into situations where he was at risk. It also helped that he had been taking some karate lessons from a friend of his cop buddy, Dowling. He picked them up pretty easily and his instructor was delighted with his progress. Spike didn't tell Buffy about them until after the patrol and he could sense her relief.

"I needed to remember how to fight like a human," he explained to her. "I was fighting like a vampire, like I had a strength I no longer had. Once in a while, I need the rush and the adrenaline of a good fight. Karate's pretty good for blowing off steam, but you don't get to turn them to dust at the end of it."

Buffy certainly seemed happier knowing he had got some lessons. Even so, Spike couldn't help but feel she worried about him being there. He tried not to resent her when she shoved him out of the way or knocked him to ground to keep him safe. It sometimes felt like he was a masochist inflicting this on himself. Their relationship was suffering as the tensions and resentments went unaddressed. Spike didn't go too often, only when the need for violence outweighed his sense of reason.

Spike was having little or no luck finding a job that suited him. He was feeling pretty listless and he decided the time had come to go on another patrol. It wasn't long before he regretted it as Buffy had a younger slayer named Sarah along with her. The arrogant, little chit spent the whole time with her nose in the air and Spike even heard her make disparaging remarks about him to Buffy.

"Why is he even here?" she asked. "He's got no supernatural abilities. Sure he can fight and I can see why you'd want to have him in your bed, but he shouldn't be here."

"Spike is here because he is a good fighter, and I want him here," Buffy had replied in a no nonsense tone.

"Sure, placate his ego," Sarah muttered.

Spike had played the conversation in his head since he arrived back home. He had grabbed a bottle of whisky and had drunk a few glasses finding himself getting more and more sorry for himself for each one. Was he really kidding himself? Was he any use at all? Maybe Buffy would have been better off hooking up with Peaches instead of a human? At least Peaches could help her fight when all he could do was dust a few dumb fledges.

Buffy frowned. "What is wrong with you? Why won't you talk to me?"

"Nothing's wrong," he replied.

"I wasn't born yesterday," she snapped. "It's like you're here but you're not here. I can't get through to you. We don't make love as much, since you became human."

He rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry, Buffy. It's takes a bit of adjusting to get used to the fact I'm human now. Maybe if you ever went through it you could lecture me."

She flinched at his harsh words.

"Who are you?" she asked. "It's like you're a different person."

"I am different, Buffy" he barked. "I tire more easily and I'm much more breakable. The days of marathon sex sessions are over, love."

He knew he was being unreasonable throwing their past into this. Buffy banged her fists hard on the table. Spike just ignored her and took another gulp of whiskey.

"This isn't about sex, Spike," she hissed. "Sure, I'm worried about us, but to be frank I'm more freaked over your behaviour than anything else. You're all Jekyll and Hyde."

He didn't respond.

"I'm going to sleep in the spare room," she announced.

"Buffy, don't," he protested.

She ignored him and walked out the door, slamming it behind her. He heard the tap running in the bathroom and he guessed she was crying. He knew the right thing to do would be to go to her, but he didn't know if it was necessarily the wisest option. Spike couldn't bring himself to even go to bed that night. He continued to drink the bottle of whisky down and woke up an empty bottle in hand on the couch. He also had a blinding headache and he felt like a number one prat, when he remembered how unkind he had been to Buffy the previous night. She didn't appear to be up yet, so he decided to make her breakfast to apologise. By breakfast he meant coffee and some toast. Once he had made the coffee, he took a deep sip from his own mug. He walked up the stairs but stopped short at the door when he heard Buffy was on the phone. Not wanting to interrupt, he put the coffee and the plate of toast to the floor. He was about to shove his head around to tell her breakfast was made when he heard his name being mentioned.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with Spike," Buffy was saying. "He's so different, Will. Maybe I should call Angel?"

Spike felt he had his heart ripped open and pulled apart. Buffy wanted Angel. That old insecurity had always been there, but he was so sure she was over the wanker. He walked down the stairs in a daze and left the house needing some air.

Spike spent an hour wandering the street before he returned home. Shock had given way to anger and he wanted to tell Buffy how he felt. She was sitting in the living room when he arrived back.

She smiled when he entered. "Thanks for breakfast this morning, although you could have warned me. I could have scalded my feet."

He was disarmed for a moment, before he remembered how angry he was with her and why.

"I overheard your conversation with Willow," he said.

Her mouth opened to form an o. "What did you hear exactly?" she asked finally.

He glared at her. "I know exactly what you think of me, love. I'm a liability cos you have to worry all about poor defenceless Spike now. "

Buffy closed her eyes. "No, Spike! You're being stupid."

"Why don't you quit with the charity and go off and find Peaches," he roared. "I'm sure you'll be very happy together being bleedin' miserable. Then, you'll have a bit of monster in your man once again."

Buffy slapped him across the face. "You've got this so wrong. I wanted to call Angel to see if he can help you."

She looked furious but exasperated and he could see the truth in her eyes. He felt like a right wanker.

Buffy continued, "Spike, quit the pity party and take a good look around you. I don't want Angel; I love you. Sometimes, like now I'm not sure why but I do. You better get on top of this or you will lose me."

Spike felt like kicking himself. He really was a fool.

"I'm sorry, love," he said. "I said terrible things I didn't mean because I was hurting. How can I make it up to you?"

"I just want you to talk to me," she said in a small voice.

He had no idea where to start.

"I feel like I've lost my sense of self" Spike began. "I don't know who I am anymore. I didn't want to be human and I don't know how to be."

"You were more human as a vampire than a lot of people." Buffy's voice was soft. "You've always been resilient and bounced back. You got chipped and you adapted. You got your soul back and despite a little brain melt you were able to deal. I believe in you."

"You don't understand, love," he said. "You never will. This is the first time I've not had to fight the monster inside me for control. I didn't change overnight and the chip or even the soul didn't stop the bloodlust from time to time. Just like now I may be human, but I don't feel it. The fight and need to put down some Big Bad isn't just going to go away."

"Maybe it hasn't, but that doesn't change the fact that your super powers are gone," she told him.

"What's left then?" he asked.

"The man I fell in love with," she answered.

He leaned in to kiss her, but she held her hand against his chest. "You have a lot of making up to do before you can kiss me again."

After the long overdue talk, things were going much better between Spike and Buffy. Spike was surprised pleasantly when he got a call from Detective Robert Dowling to meet him for a drink. He always got on well with Dowling and he appreciated the offer of some male company that wasn't Harris or Andrew. Spike walked into the bar, which was close to the police station. It was a dingier looking place than he would have pictured the detective associating in. Dowling was sitting at the counter nursing a beer and Spike sidled up towards him.

"Hullo Bob!" Spike plopped down on the stool next to him.

"I wish you wouldn't call me that," Dowling said with a sigh.

Spike sought the attention of the bar man. "I'll have a Jack Daniels."

Once Spike had his drink in front of him Dowling spoke again. "I've got a preposition for you, Spike."

"Sorry, don't swing that way, Detective."

Dowling rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I'm being serious here. I need your help."

Spike couldn't help the bitter retort. "Maybe it's Buffy you better ask. I'm all out of super strength these days."

"Buffy has always tried keeping her distance from us except when necessary, especially given her colourful record," Dowling pointed out.

Dowling had his attention now.

Spike tilted his head questioningly. "Get on with it."

"Remember a few years ago when you took me out hunting?"

Spike grinned at that. "Good times."

"You taught me a thing or two, and now I need you to help me teach others."

Spike nearly fell off the bar stool at that, but righted himself quickly. "Is this some joke?"

"No - I mean think about it, Spike. It makes sense. Who better to teach the SFPD about vampires than a former vampire?"

"You've gone sack of hammers. I'm no teacher. That was the Slayer's gig."

"From what I heard you were helping out too."

He scoffed. "Just giving Buffy a hand. I was her show and tell. Besides, I haven't got the patience to give lessons."

"We're not talking about impressionable little girls, Spike. These are cops – the finest SFPD has to offer. There are a lot more vampire related attacks then there has been in a while. We're expanding the division and they need good training."

Spike didn't say anything. He took a slug of his whiskey instead. Dowling wasn't giving up though. "Look, Spike. You're my friend and I'm going to be plain here. You are depressed because you feel useless. You don't have to be. You want to do good and contribute to the fight against good and evil. You can."

Spike could appreciate the man had guts and he could read people well. He knew he was talking some sense. "Look, Bob, you're alright for a copper. That doesn't change the fact that I've never was too fond of the old brass."

"Suck it up, Bleachboy." The detective waved a depreciating hand. "The old brass might not like you very much, but it doesn't matter. I'm not talking about becoming one of us. I'm talking about working for us as a trainer and taking a few classes. There is a substantial payment involved and if you don't like it you can walk out any time."

Spike couldn't believe he was even considering it. "I'll think about it. I'm not making any promises, mind. Tell me a bit more about what you're looking for and I'll sleep on it."

He put down his glass on the counter and gestured outside. The two men went right out back beside the dumpster. "A bit more private here."

He fished around in his pockets for his cigarettes and pulled one out offering one to the detective.

"No thanks. Should you really be smoking those cancer sticks now you're human?"

"Probably not," Spike conceded. "What Buffy doesn't know won't hurt her."

He looked nervously at Dowling. "You won't tell her will you?"

The detective smiled grimly. "I won't need to. The smell of a cigarette is kind of distinctive. I'm sure she'll work it out by herself."

"You think?" Spike asked and stubbed out the cigarette.

Dowling clapped him on the back. "You're so whipped, man."

"It's a pretty thumb to be under," Spike joked. "Now tell me more about this job of yours."

When Spike went home, Buffy was curled up in bed asleep and he tried not to wake her as he went in beside her. She stirred and opened her eyes.

"Oh you're home," she said.

"So I am. I didn't mean to wake you."

Spike's mind was reeling with the offer Dowling had made and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Was it pity or did he really think that he could be of some use to a bunch of coppers? Spike figured he should talk it out with Buffy and see what she thought.

"I met Bob tonight in the pub," Spike said. "He made me an interesting offer."

"Oh no!" Buffy's eyes were twinkling. "You're going to dump me and run off with him."

"Maybe I am and it would serve you right," he jested. He made a quick move to tickle her under her arm causing her to erupt into giggles.

"Stop," she protested.

"Did you learn your lesson?" he asked.

"Yes," she said amid giggles.

He ceased his tickling.

"What was his offer?" she asked.

"He wants me to help out with teaching the coppers at the precinct. He seems to think I can teach them a thing or two."

Buffy broke into a huge grin. "That's a great idea. It will be a good way of keeping fit and you still get to be involved in the good fight.."

Her eyes glazed right over.

"Buffy, love, what's wrong?"

"Do you think you'll get to wear a uniform?" she asked.

Spike laughed, "No. I'm not gonna be a copper, love."

"Couldn't you, you know, borrow one?" He arched a brow and chuckled. "My girl's got a yen for a uniform."

Buffy smiled coyly. "Every girl's got a yen for a uniform, Spike."

"Is that so?" Spike queried. "It happens that men like that sort of thing too."

The following morning, Spike gave Dowling a call and agreed to the job on a trial basis. He had not been offered anything better after all and it would be churlish to refuse the man's offer. Later that day, Spike felt a little nervous walking into the police station and he wondered for the umpteenth time whether he had gone bonkers agreeing to something as insane as this. He met Dowling at the front desk. There is a training class on at the moment if you would like to check it out and introduce yourself.

"I take it we won't be telling them I used to be a blooding sucking fiend," Spike said.

Dowling nodded. "For now at least."

They walked down the corridor and into a gymnasium, where there was a bunch of young men and women being instructed by some old fogey in a tracksuit.

"Hi everyone," Dowling called out. "Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted to introduce you to William Pratt, who's going to be helping out with training. William is somewhat of an expert in vampires."

Spike could see the looks being exchanged by the cadets, and he didn't have to be a mind reader to know that the old fogey was looking at him suspiciously. Spike knew the type of people he was dealing with and he would have to earn their respect. He wasn't sure if Dowling would mind but he was going to start right now.

"Anyone care to take me on?" Spike challenged. "I'll show you how a vampire fights."

A big burly man put his hand up. "I'll take you on."

"Alright then," Spike said. "Come right up."

"I hope you know what you're doing," Dowling whispered in his ear. "Don't make a fool out of me."

The cadet walked over smirking. He thought he was going to find it easy to beat him.

"You know how a vampire can be killed, right?" Spike asked.

"Stake to the heart, decapitation or fire or sunlight."

"Attack me. I'm a vampire. Show me you can kill me."

The cadet went for his chest, but Spike spun around taking the cadet to the floor and leaned in towards the neck.

"Pity," he said. "You're dead. The most important thing you've got to know when fighting a vampire is that the vampire doesn't need a weapon. He already has his. Make sure you always have yours."

Looking around at all the faces, he felt like he was still able to achieve something.

To be continued...


	6. Chapter five

**Disclaimer: I don't own just bask in the amazingness that is the genius that did.**

**Big thank you to Ginar369 for the beta.**

**Chapter Five**

Buffy was finding it very difficult to cope with all the changes that the human transformation had wrought in Spike. Her boyfriend had always been complicated, prickly and over-sensitive. Nevertheless, she usually could get around him one way or another. The first time she met him and for a long time after, she thought he was the cockiest and most arrogant person she had ever met. When she got to know him, she realised his Big Bad persona was just that. Underneath all his brashness and swagger he was very insecure. Since they had ironed out their differences following the terrible fight they had, things were a lot better. For one Spike was now happily working for the San Francisco Police Department and she could tell he had taken to his role of instructor rather well. Buffy was proud of his achievements, even if it did mean she saw less of him than she liked. They were good, which was the most important thing. They had decided to try something new called talking when they had a problem instead of letting the resentments fester. It was a good plan in theory but neither she nor Spike was very good at the talking part of a relationship and sometimes in their eagerness to get something off their chest they managed to insult one another. That meant a lot of fights of course but also a lot of making up sex. Their sex life was back on track at last. While it was different to what it used to be, it was still quite kinky. This was why Buffy was currently dressed in a brand new negligee. That morning she and Spike had another one of their rows. She couldn't remember what it was about now, but she wanted to make it up to him. She still wasn't very good at saying sorry. She heard the front door open and she left out a giggle. She could hear his voice call her name and she got into position. He was going to love the red negligee. She popped on the handcuffs and tied a scarf around her eyes. She heard the sound of the door opening and she put on her best seductive voice, "I've been waiting all day for you, Big Bad!"

There was a very feminine yelp of surprise and Buffy peeked from under the scarf only to see a mortified Dawn and a drooling Spike. Buffy's hand flew to her mouth and she felt the blood rush to her face. She grabbed the dressing gown she had dumped on the floor to preserve some sort of dignity. Dawn's initial embarrassment had turned into giggles and the glazed over expression on Spike's face was all Buffy needed to know that her man was still very into her.

"Get out, Bit," Spike ordered.

"Well thanks very much," Dawn said. "I'm really glad I didn't bring Xander along to the Buffy exhibition."

Spike scowled at the thought and practically pushed Dawn out to the door.

He turned to Buffy with a lustful gleam in his eye. "I mean to ravish you, Ms Summers. Now pop the scarf back on, love. Spike's gonna make you scream."

Buffy giggled, as he landed on the bed beside her, and did what she was told.

Later that evening there was a surprise visitor: Robert Dowling. Buffy and Spike were about to order in and invited Dowling to stay for dinner. He agreed but confessed it wasn't a social call and he needed some help with a case.

Buffy took the file from the detective, but quickly scrunched her nose. "What language is this?"

"We figured it was some demon language," Dowling said. "We had our own lingual experts look into it and none of them could recognise it."

Buffy handed Spike the file. "Spike's the demon language expert not me."

"Really?" asked Dowling with interest. "I wouldn't have put you down as a scholar."

"Not a scholar," Spike replied. "Just been around a long time."

Buffy laughed. "Spike just likes pretend there's nothing up there, but as a human he was in university and everything."

Spike glared at her before turned back to the file. He was straining his eyes to look at it. He needed glasses, yet he refused to admit it. She was going to convince him soon, before he damaged them beyond repair squinting. Perhaps she could bribe him with sexual favours?

"That's Fyarl," Spike said at last. "Most of it is completely useless to you. It reads like a shopping list."

Dowling sighed. "Please tell me you're kidding me."

"What's this case about anyway?" Buffy asked. "Fyarl demons usually don't get involved in anything unless they are being paid by another demon."

Spike nodded. "They serve as minions to more powerful demons normally. Not much for plans are the Fyarl. I can read through this more, but I need to know more about the case so I know what I am looking for."

"Come by tomorrow after your training session and I'll fill you in," Dowling said.

Buffy didn't miss the wistful smile on Spike's face at the thought of getting involved in some case. She knew he missed being part of the whole Slayer deal. He was still involved to a degree and helped out from time to time. Still, it wasn't the same.

The following day, Buffy went to work early. There was a lot more paper work involved these days in being a Slayer. She missed the old days when she could just pummel a Big Bad and leave all the grown up stuff to Giles. Being Slayer Numero Uno meant that she had responsibilities and many of the younger Slayers looked up to her. She was required to take part in negotiations and Council Meetings. The good thing about it was that she could wear heels from time to time and fashionable, uncomfortable clothing. She was feeling a little off this morning and had an egg taste in her mouth. Her stomach roiled a little and she wondered if the curry she ate last night didn't agree with her. She was only a little nauseous, so she figured she would ok for this meeting anyway. It was important after all. She had a quick stop in the rest room to fix her make up. She hoped it would hide her unnatural pallor. She took a deep breath and left the rest room for Willow's office.

"Morning, Buffy," Willow said when she walked into her office.

"Hi, Will. Ready for the meeting?"

Willow was the reason why the Slayer Council functioned. Buffy was the head, but she left the day to day running to her friend, knowing that she could manage all aspects of it much better than she.

"Yep – the computer's all set up. I checked in with Andrew in Rome and Vi in Edinburgh and Kennedy in Capetown. We should be good to go in ten minutes."

"What would I do without you?" Buffy asked, and Willow blushed under her praise.

"Well you know me. I'm still a computer geek at heart."

"Well, you're my computer geek," Buffy said.

Willow grinned. "So we just about have enough time for a quick gossip. Tell me? How are things with Mr. Peroxide these days?"

It was Buffy's turn to smile "Great. Things are good. I still can't believe he got talked into helping out the cops."

Willow shook her head. "Me either, but it makes a kind of sense."

"How's you love life, Will?" Buffy asked.

"Nothing doing," Willow replied. "I'm a single gal, enjoying the company of beautiful women."

"It must be hard knowing Kennedy's getting married," Buffy said.

Willow shrugged. "Kennedy and I were never meant to last. I came to terms with that years ago."

"If you need to talk, let me know."

Willow smiled at her. "Thanks, Buffy. I'm alright though. Now, we had better get ready for the meeting."

The witch offered Buffy a plate of donuts. "Sugary goodness?" she asked.

Buffy felt her stomach protest. "No thanks."

"Your loss," Willow replied and took a jelly donut.

Buffy turned away and hoped she would last the meeting without puking her guts up.

Somehow, Buffy got through the meeting without succumbing to getting sick. She wasn't getting any better, so she made her excuses knowing she couldn't hold off the urge much longer. She ran to the bathroom and spent a couple of minutes with her head over the toilet bowl. As Buffy rested his head against the porcelain of the toilet, there was a knock on the cubicle door.

"Are you okay?" a concerned voice asked.

"Yeah," Buffy said.

"Would you like some water?" the voice asked.

"Please," Buffy replied. She stood on shaky legs and opened the cubicle door.

It was one of the cleaning ladies, who recognised her immediately. "Ms Summers?"

"Just call me Buffy," she insisted. "Don't tell anyone about this, please."

"Of course not."

Buffy took the proffered bottle of water and gulped it down. "Thanks.."

"Maud," the woman said. "My name's Maud."

Buffy looked at herself in the mirror and she looked sickly pale.

"I must just have a stomach bug," Buffy said.

"Either that or you're pregnant," joked Maud.

The realisation hit Buffy like a speeding train. She tried to remember when she had her last period. It had been nearly six weeks. Her mouth dropped open. But she and Spike were always careful since he had come back human. Although, there was that one time. _Oh God!_

Maud patted her arm. "You poor dear. Just buy a test in a pharmacy and then you'll know."

"Thanks," Buffy muttered, before tearing out of the rest room. Her journey home was a blur, but somehow she managed to pick up a pregnancy test and made it home safely. She sat in the driver's seat staring at the test for five minutes before she got up and went in. She hoped Spike was in, because she really didn't want to do this test alone and if she had to wait for him to come home it would be torture. Spike was sitting on the couch when she walked in. He had a whole load of papers laid out on the coffee table before him. He was surprised to see her. His keen eyes picked up on her sickly appearance.

He got to feet and rushed over to her. "Buffy, love, are you all right?"

"I think I might be pregnant," she confessed.

His eyes widened. "You're up the duff?"

"I hope not. I have to do the test."

She showed him the kit. He really wasn't helping with the deer in headlights expression.

He composed himself quickly. "So you have to piss on the stick or something, yeah?"

She nodded. She could feel what little contents were left in her stomach threatening to come up again.

"I could be a dad?" he asked suddenly.

"I know scary, huh? I guess I better do this."

She walked into the bathroom and peed on the stick. She never let him follow her into the bathroom. A girl's gotta keep some mystery. She let him in once she righted herself and the two of them waited for the stick of destiny to tell them whether they were doomed or not. When Buffy saw the negative sign, she sighed in relief.

"Oh phew, we're not pregnant," she said gleefully.

She turned to look at Spike prepared to see the same relief mirrored in his expression and was surprised to see he looked disappointed.

Her mouth dropped open. "Oh my god, you're disappointed. Are you insane?"

"Would it be such a bad thing?"

"We can't even look after ourselves never mind a child. But yeah it's no so terrible as long as it is long way into the future. Someday, I'd like to have kids with you."

Spike's smile was wide at her words.

Spike put his arm around her and she snuggled into his embrace. "Buffy, I know I've been a bit of a nightmare to live with these past few weeks," he began. "My head's not been screwed on right."

She turned to look at him. "It's okay. I understand that it's hard to deal with. I mean if I lost my Slayer powers, I'm sure I would find it hard to adjust."

"The thing is I don't think I really understood what being human meant. There are things I never thought would be possible that are now."

"Like having kids," she guessed.

"Yeah," he replied. "I must sound like a right ponce, but my mum always wanted to have a whole bunch of grandkids to dote on and to coddle. She never got to have them, because her son was a social pariah and no women were interested in him."

Buffy's heart ached for him. He didn't like to talk too much about his human life and she knew he had a lot of unresolved issues.

She put his hand on his shoulder and squeezed it. "I'm sure she would be really proud of you now if she could see you. Besides, from what you told me, she really loved you."

He looked at her through half lidded eyes. "I don't deserve you."

"Damn right and don't you forget it."

She kissed him lightly on the lips, but he deepened the kiss and he put his hands in her hair. She pulled him closer to her and moaned in pleasure. They pulled apart to breathe when the need became too much.

"The whole not having to breathe thing is something I do miss about being a vampire," he confessed. "Although, the racing heart more than compensates for it."

"What about the sweaty palms and the butterflies in your belly?"

"You always gave me butterflies, love. The sweaty palms are new or should I say old. "

Buffy yawned and stretched.

"Knackered, love?" he asked.

"I'm exhausted. The last few weeks have been crazy."

"Let's head away this weekend," he proposed. "We'll do a road trip and do something disgustingly romantic like watch the sun set and have a candlelit dinner. I want to treat you proper."

"And we could go for a moonlit stroll on the beach," she added.

He raised a brow. "You in that tiny bikini."

"I thought you'd prefer to go skinny dipping."

"Oh god, yes," he muttered.

She giggled at his hopeful expression. "I used to be a good girl once upon a time until you came along."

"Then I ruined you for any other man," he added.

"Lucky I love you so much, then," she said.

Buffy smiled and curled up happily beside him. Things were looking up at after all .

To be continued..

This is the end of part I.


	7. Chapter six

_Disclaimer: I don't own. This universe is borrowed. Special thank you to Ginar369 for the beta, ladyofthelog for the amazing banner and to on Getitdone comm on livejournal._

_Part II: Everything he never knew he wanted_

**Chapter Six**

...Two Years later...

Now that Spike was human, people were always asking him when he was going to make an honest woman out of Buffy. He found himself thinking quite seriously about popping the question. The Slayer's Council had even provided him with a new identity and he could now legally marry her. In the many years he had spent as a creature of the night, marriage had not been something that entered his head at all. It had been two years since he had become human and he had never been happier. Buffy and he still fought frequently and passionately but always made up with equal fervour. It had taken him a while to come to terms with his new life and he had made Buffy's life miserable for those first couple of weeks.

He still wasn't sure how he managed to keep her and he knew he was the luckiest man alive to wake up every morning with her next to him. Despite the fact that he loved her, he was unsure if marriage was something that she wanted. Whenever they were asked about marriage, she just winked at him and laughed saying they were as good as married anyway and what did they need a piece of paper for. The one time he had worked up the courage to approach the question it had been an unquestionable disaster.

"Buffy?" he had asked, trying to sound casual. "Do you ever think we'll ever get married?"

"Marriage?" She had laughed. "I thought you looked down on old marrieds."

She seemed to realise just then that he was serious. "Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like it sounded."

He had been stung by her response. "Don't worry I'm not proposin' or anything. Forget what I said."

"Oh Spike," Buffy had said. "You should know by now that I have Buffy mouth."

"It's fine," he lied. "Honest."

"You are such a pathetic liar," she said softly. "Someday, I would love to marry you, but I'm not ready yet."

His heart lightened to hear her say that. He could wait for her to be ready. Truth be told he was such a pathetic wanker, he would wait forever.

It turned out Spike didn't have to wait that long. A few weeks later, he walked into the house and he heard voices from the kitchen. He smiled, as he realised that Dawn had come to visit. He was about to swing the door open and reveal his presence when he caught the word marriage. He stayed where he was and opened the door a crack just so he could see and hear what was going on. The sisters were sitting at the table, glasses of wine in their hands. No doubt they were gossiping about him. It was one of those sisterly bonding exercises, which they frequently partook in.

"What's it like?" Buffy asked. "Being married?"

Dawn gave a small smile. "Xander is a great husband, but I must admit I was terrified he would ditch me at the altar."

Buffy shook her head emphatically. "Not a chance. He loves you too much."

"He loved Anya," Dawn pointed out. "I think it was the thought of Spike kicking his ass that did him."

The two women laughed. Spike figure d he really shouldn't be listening in on this conversation. Maybe he could catch up Harris and they could try another bar, where they could slaughter some gullible fools into parting with their cash over a game of pool.

However, Dawn's next words caught his attention: "Why're you so interested? Something you're not telling me?

Buffy bit her lip. "No. Nothing to tell, but he might have said something about getting married and I've been thinking about it."

Spike's heart leapt at her words.

"He asked you to marry him?" Dawn asked, incredulous. "And you said no? Are you insane?"

"He didn't ask exactly, but he did broach the topic," Buffy explained. "Then, I thought he was joking and said something about thinking he looked down on old marrieds."

"Buffy!" was Dawn's reply. "Poor Spike. You completely mortified him, you idiot!"

"I know," Buffy said wearing a sheepish grin, "but then I told him someday I would like to, but now wasn't the right moment."

Spike could see Dawn's growing smirk and raised brow through the crack in the door.

"And now you've changed your mind."

Buffy was wringing her hands. "I guess I did."

Dawn started to giggle. "Oh, Buffy. Tell him or better yet get down on one knee."

Buffy shook her head. "I can't do that, Dawn. I mean, I just turned him down. What if he says no just to spite me?"

"You're an idiot," Dawn declared.

Spike had to agree with the Bit. As if he would turn down Buffy.

"I'm sure he'll ask again," Buffy said. "He's always been persistent. And I'll give hints- big neon signs of hints that I'm ready now."

"You two are hopeless," Dawn said, with an eye roll.

Spike grinned from ear to ear. He even fought the urge to whistle a happy tune. Nevertheless, he was going to let Buffy stew a little and see what sort of neon signs she was going to leave for him.

Spike went out to a jewellery store the following day, determined to pick the ideal ring for Buffy. He had been putting money aside for months saving to get her a decent ring. It also helped that since he helped Dowling out with a case involving Fyarl demons, he had also been offered a position as a supernatural consultant, which involved a significant pay rise. The only downside to this role was the hours were unpredictable and he could be called to play ghost buster at any time. The cases that were too dangerous for the police force to solve were passed to the Slayers and so Spike was able to keep involved on both sides of the divide. He picked up a beautiful ring with a single small diamond on it. He knew his girl wasn't into too much bling and he thought a classy lady like her deserved a classy ring. He put the ring box in the inside pocket of his duster, where Buffy wouldn't accidently stumble across it. When he arrived home, Buffy was cleaning the house, singing that Bette Midler song she had wanted for their wedding when they had been under Red's will be done spell. Spike wasn't sure if this was one of Buffy's neon signs or just her subconscious.

Spike had never been good at waiting for things to happen; he preferred to make them happen himself. He only managed to hold out a week before the proposal escaped his lips. Ever the romantic fool, he had been planning to wait for the right moment and the perfect grand gesture. His plans never seemed to work out; this lack of patience saw to that. One evening they were both sitting on the couch with a glass of wine and a Chinese. Buffy had managed to convince him that they just had to watch the latest Hollywood blockbuster about some romantic love affair. Spike spent the time making disparaging remarks about the plot, while Buffy shushed him. At the end of the movie, Buffy was mopping her eyes with her sleeve.

He tightened his arm around her. "You foolish bint. What are ya crying about? It was a happy ending, wasn't it?"

"I'm not crying," she protested. "I have something in my eye."

He chuckled. "I love you, Miss Buffy Summers."

She turned to smile at him. "And I love you William, the Bloody Idiot."

He could see the love in her expression and he couldn't keep waiting any longer. He wasn't a nancy boy poet even though he was human again. Their love was always complicated, messy and real. This moment was more perfect that anything he could contrive.

"How would you fancy being Mrs Bloody Idiot?" he asked.

"What?" Buffy gasped.

He got down on his right knee and took the box from his duster pocket. "Buffy Summers, will you marry me?"

She said nothing. Her mouth opened and closed without any word escaping them. He knew he heard her say that she wanted to marry him, but what if she was lying or she changed her mind? He tried to read her expression, trying to hide the panic that was rising inside.

"Oh my god, Spike!" She threw herself at him, almost knocking him to the ground. "Of course, I will."

Her lips met his passionately.

"You had me worried there, love," he admitted, when he pulled away.

She waved her finger in his face. "Go on then, put that ring on my finger."

He put the ring on her finger and she looked at it properly for the first time. He watched her carefully for ant signs that she didn't like it.

"If you don't like it, we can always change it," Spike offered with a nervous smile.

Buffy shook her head. "I love it. It's beautiful, simple and elegant."

He exhaled in relief. "I'm glad."

Spike grabbed her by the waist. Buffy threw her arms around him and she pulled him down to her for another passionate kiss.

A few months later, Buffy and Spike were invited to Los Vegas along with Willow, Dawn and Xander for a working holiday. Lorne had called Spike when he found out Angel was not available for an emergency call out.

"Come on Spike, help this demon out," Lorne had begged. "Make a holiday of it. I can get you a good deal with my contacts. Every vice is catered for in Los Vegas. You'll have a great time."

The demon was true to his word and he had gotten them a great deal on a couple of rooms. The slay-age passed by very quickly and the rest of the trip to Los Vegas was a whirlwind of drinking, gambling and dancing. Passing the Little White Chapel for the umpteenth time on the holiday, Buffy tugged on Spike's arm.

When he turned his blue eyed gaze on her she pointed at her ring. "Spike! I don't want to wait. I want to get married here in Vegas."

"Really?" His face lit up.

She nodded with enthusiasm. "Yes!"

He tried to prevent himself getting too excited at thought and pointed out, "But Buffy don't you want to have the big day with the frilly dress and the presents?"

Buffy shook her head. "No, I don't need that. I dreamed of it once when I was a young girl. I have you, Dawn, Willow and Xander. I just want my close friends here."

"Are you sure you won't regret having the big white wedding, love?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I don't want to have some boring ceremony. We've never been boring, so why should we do what's expected?"

The excitement was soaring through him. Spike squeezed her hand, beaming all the while.

"How does Friday sound?" Spike asked her.

"Perfect," she replied.

"Bollocks," Spike muttered, remembering his best man back in San Fran.

"What's wrong?" Buffy asked.

"I just realised we forgot all about Bob," Spike said. "I hope he can make it at such short notice

Buffy waved a hand. "I wouldn't worry. We can always ask Willow to magick him here if all comes to all."

Spike didn't think his friend would be too pleased with that.

Buffy grinned from face to face. "Let's ring Robert and tell him to get here! Is there anyone else you would like to come? We can do the stupid party when we get back home."

Spike shrugged. That sounds perfect, love. As long as we have the best man and maids of honour, I reckon we're good to go."

"And Xander," added Buffy.

Spike didn't take the bait. "Well, he's part of the package when it comes to the Bit and you'd like him there."

Buffy rolled her eyes.

"I would invite Clem, but he's on the other side of the world," he continued.

Buffy sighed. "That's a pity."

"Let's go in and make sure we can get an appointment before we get ahead of ourselves," Spike suggested. "No point making plans if we can't get a spot."

Buffy took his hand and they walked into the White Chapel.

Buffy and Spike were grinning from ear to ear as they exited the chapel a few minutes later, their appointment secured for Friday.

Spike exhaled nosily. "We're actually going to get married next Friday." He couldn't believe it.

"Yeah," Buffy said, and he could hear the joy in her voice. "Let's go tell the others."

Spike and Buffy found Dawn and Xander in the hotel bar.

Buffy whispered as they approached the couple, "Can I tell them?"

"Go right ahead, love."

Buffy and Spike walked over to where Xander and Dawn were standing at a table.

Taking Spike by the hand, she announced, "We're going to get married here on Friday."

Dawn whooped and threw herself at them. "Oh you guys."

When the Bit pulled away, Xander hugged Buffy, and then clapped Spike on the back.

"I hope you realise just how lucky you are," he said.

"I'm well aware of that fact, Harris. I could say the same for you."

Xander shook his head. "How did we end up with such hotties?"

"It's a mystery, mate," Spike said.

Xander frowned. "Hey you just called me mate."

"Did not," Spike protested.

"You did too. But for sake of our manhood, we'll pretend it never happened. It was the euphoria talking."

Spike was saved from the awkward conversation, when Willow and Lorne walked in and Spike just smirked at them.

"Spike and Buffy are getting married on Friday here in Vegas," Dawn announced.

Spike could see Buffy was a little put out at Dawn beating her to the punch. He felt nothing could bring him down. He excused himself and went out to phone Dowling to see if he could make it.

He dialled Dowling's number and waited for a response.

"Hi, Spike," Dowling said. "Having a nice vacation?"

"Yeah- the bloody best," Spike said. "Listen uh - Buffy and I decided we don't want to leave Vegas without tying the knot."

"I can't say I'm surprised." Dowling said.

Spike frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You and Buffy aren't exactly conventional," Dowling replied.

Spike smiled. "I know it's short notice, but I want my best man there. I'll pay for the flights or we can get you here through magical means, but we would understand if you're too busy."

"Chill, Spike," Dowling laughed. "I'll do my best and give you a call later on and let you know."

The prospective bridegroom went back to bar, where he found Lorne had ordered several bottles of champagne and told the whole bar about the upcoming nuptials. Spike found himself waylaid by well-wishers before he finally got back to Buffy.

"Bob will do his best," he whispered in Buffy's ear. "He'll let us know later."

"Great." She kissed his cheek. "I'm glad."

"Say we skip this party," Spike suggested, his eyes gleaming. "Want to go and have our own celebration?"

"Let's go," she giggled.

The two of them walked through the bar as surreptitiously as they could and once out of the room ran hand in hand to their hotel room.


	8. Chapter seven

**Disclaimer: I don't own, I just like to play in this universe.**

**Beta by Ginar369. Blame me for any mistakes.**

**Chapter Seven**

Buffy had been a Slayer, since she was called at fifteen, and she didn't know how to do anything else. She had gotten married, got out a mortgage. Having a child was the next logical step. It took her a while to warm up to the idea of having children. She always figured she would someday. It was when she started walking over the local playground to look at the children playing, she finally faced up to the fact she was broody. Spike had always been good with kids unlike her and she knew he would be delighted. He never pressed the issue, but every once in a while brought up the subject. Spike had changed a lot in recent years. He had mellowed a lot and she wasn't sure whether it was the fact he was human or that he was truly content. She figured it was probably the latter, as she had softened over the years too. With that in mind, she resolved to head home and break the good news to him. She called his name as she walked in the door but there was no response. For a moment she thought he had gone out until she spotted his leather jacket tossed on the sofa. She really wished he wasn't such a slob. Becoming human hadn't taught him to put towels in the laundry basket or put his clothes away nice and tidy. She rolled her eyes and picked up his coat and hung it on the coat rack where it belonged. She wondered where he was hiding out. She went out back and found him in the garage, puffing a sneaky cigarette. He instinctively made to hide it.

"Hi, love," he said, the cigarette behind his back.

"For goodness sake," Buffy said, exasperated. "I know you've been smoking again. The smell's giving you away."

Spike relaxed with a sheepish grin. "A bloke's gotta have a vice."

She sighed, leaning against the wall. "I wish you had a vice that didn't end in premature death."

His lips quirked into a grin. "I've always lived dangerously, baby."

She punched him hard in the chest. Spike's big mouth was another thing that hadn't changed. Sometimes, she thought it would be better if he couldn't talk, but she had to admit she would miss his innuendo and the things that man could do with his tongue.

"I've got some great news," Spike said.

Buffy raised a brow. "Me too and I'm betting mine is going to better than yours."

Spike motioned for her to follow him into the back.

"Is this some blatant attempt to seduce me?" she asked. "Cos I got to say it's not working. I think I prefer our bed to getting splinters in private places and besides no kissy face till you brush your teeth, ashtray breath."

With a sigh, she followed him into the jumbled mess that was the shed.

"Must be losing my touch, eh? Maybe this will help." Spike revealed a decrepit looking motorcycle.

She gave the piece of junk a disparaging glance. "A motorcycle, really?"

He didn't seem to notice her lack of enthusiasm. "Yeah – she's beautiful, isn't she?" He ran his hand up and down the machine. He continued, "I going to fix her up good, add a lick of paint and she'll be as good as new."

Buffy shook her head. "Is this a mid-life crisis?"

Spike started at the remark. "Oi! I'm not middle aged."

"Explain to me then why you think you can fix that pile of crap."

"'Cos I'm good with my hands," Spike retorted. "And you should know."

He grabbed her by ass and pulled her towards him, before leaning in for a kiss. Despite her earlier vow not to kiss him, she reciprocated.

"Now, what were you saying?" he asked in a husky whisper as he pulled away.

"I was saying you're insane and there's no way you can fix that up," she answered with a smirk.

"I'll prove you wrong, love," he said. "Now, tell me your big news?"

Buffy smiled, "How would you feel about trying for a baby?"

Spike did a perfect imitation of a fish. "You want to have a little nipper running around?"

"I think it would be kinda nice to have a little mini us."

Spike was looking at her in a mixture of awe and love. "Wow," he managed to say.

Buffy put her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest. "What were you like as a kid?"

Spike sniggered. "A Mama's boy, trailed after her all day. How about you? A right handful, I bet."

"You got that right." Buffy laughed. "And I bet any kid with our blood running through its veins would be the exact same."

"Imagine us looking after a little person," Spike said.

"It seems right somehow."

Spike may not be perfect and neither was she. Still, she knew he was one she wanted to have children with. They would probably make a lot of mistakes, but there was no one else she would rather have at her side in this new adventure.

Her eyes twinkled mischievously. "So, did my surprise beat yours?"

"Hands down, love."

It was a lot harder to get pregnant than Buffy and Spike imagined it would be. There were months of failed attempts and very unromantic sex. Buffy was wary when she realised her period was late. She didn't want to get their hopes up but at the same time she had a feeling that this time it had worked. She broke the news to Spike and they went out and bought a pregnancy test. They were sitting in the living room trying to work the courage up to do the test. She picked up the pregnancy test and took a deep breath.

"Go on, love," Spike encouraged her. "Do what you have to. I'll be right here."

She went into the bathroom and peed on the stick. She put down the test in the sink and walked out of the room to wait the couple of minutes for the answer. Spike was pacing the room outside and she looked at him nervously.

"So are we having a rugrat?" he asked when she walked in.

"I don't know, yet," she replied. "It takes a couple of minutes to show."

When Buffy couldn't bear it any longer and took him by the hand as they walked into the bathroom. She peered into the sink and at the test.

She gasped when she saw the positive sign.

"There's a plus sign on that. Does that mean we're going to be parents?"

"Yes," Buffy said.

Buffy was both excited and terrified at the thought of the pregnancy. The both of them had been given something they never thought they would ever get to have and they were determined to be the best parents they could be. They read all the books they could find but none of it could have really prepared them for the reality. The labour pains came on her quite unexpectedly when she was doing some light housework. She gritted her teeth against the pain and called for her husband, who came running.

"The baby's coming," she said. "Make sure we have everything ready to go. We have plenty of time before we have to be at the hospital."

Buffy surprised herself at being so calm. It was just as well considering Spike was running around like a headless chicken.

"Are you okay?" he asked her.

"No – Spike I'm getting reading to push a baby out of my vagina," she responded sarcastically. Maybe she wasn't so calm after all? Oh God! The baby was coming.

Buffy looked at Spike, who was looking a little green. He had no right to be squeamish about this when he had been blood sucking fiend for a century. You would think childbirth wouldn't faze him.

Several hours later, their baby came into the world. Despite his initial fear Spike had proven himself equal to task of birthing partner in the end. Buffy suspected he had partaken of some Dutch courage possibly from Dawn's magic handbag that had also provided Buffy with some much needed chocolate. She had been afraid she might break Spike's hand at one point, but he put his hand on hers and squeezed it instead. Buffy lay on the table exhausted but relieved to hear the hearty cry as the nurses bustled around the baby.

"Is it a boy or girl?" she whispered at Spike, who was craning his neck.

The nurse pressed the baby into his arms. "Congratulations you have a son."

Spike was trembling slightly as he took his first look at his little son.

Tears of joy ran down his face and looked at awe at his wife. "Look what we made. He's beautiful. You're amazing, love."

A sleeping Buffy awoke to hear Spike and Dawn talking at her bedside in hushed tones. "I'd do anything Buffy asked me to do right now," Spike said.

Dawn was the first to notice her open eyes. "Buffy, you know if you asked Spike for that threesome with Angel, I reckon he would say yes."

Buffy grinned and Spike snorted.

"You better not ask me that?" he sneered.

Buffy let out a laugh. "How's the baby?"

"Sleeping like – well- a baby," Dawn replied.

Spike shook his head in amusement. "I'm surrounded by idiotic bints." He peered inside the crib and gazed fondly down at his son. "Welcome to the mad house, lad."

Buffy sat up in the bed and gazed over at her little family.

Dawn coughed suddenly. "I'm going to get back to Xander. We'll pop by tomorrow during visiting hours."

Buffy knew Dawn was trying to give them some privacy and she appreciated the gesture. Her sister kissed all three of them on the cheek and left them alone.

"So Mommy," Spike said playfully. "How about a name for our little tyke?"

Buffy smiled. "We settled on Thomas for a boy. You still ok with that?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I like that. Our Tommy."

"Thomas, not Tommy," she corrected him.

"You'll be calling him Tommy too, mark my words."

She bit her lip. "I was thinking Thomas Alexander Pratt."

He looked at her incredulously. "Alexander after Harris?"

"He's been a good friend to me," she said defensively.

To her shock he just shrugged. "Alright. Little Tommy Alexander Pratt."

Dawn had been right about him agreeing to anything right now. The Big Bad was the Big Softie. She didn't say anything, glad not having to fight her corner to get her way. Thomas left out a little cry from the crib and Spike picked him quickly and put him into her arms. Buffy looked down at his tiny face and marvelled at his existence. Never in a million years would she ever have imagined their life would come to this. They created this little person and brought him into the world. She knew their life was going to alter significantly once more. This tiny baby needed them.

"Let's make a promise," Buffy said. "This baby needs to come first before anyone else and no matter what. If one of us is out on a dangerous mission then the other has to stay at home."

Spike nodded his head. She budged up on the small bed and made room for him sit next to her. She leaned against him and he brought his arm around her.

To be continued...


	9. Chapter eight

**I don't own and more's the pity. **

**Thank you to ginar369 for the beta.**

**Chapter Eight**

Spike and Buffy settled into their new roles as parents over the next couple of months. It was quite the adjustment to make for them both. Buffy coped better with the lack of sleep, which she put down to being the Slayer. It wasn't just the night feeds that contributed to the new father's exhaustion. Since Tommy was born, Spike had been working non-stop trying to provide for his new family. Buffy didn't get much money for her slaying, and he still held the old fashioned notion a man should be able to provide for his family. Spike arrived home exhausted from a long day at work.

"You look like death walking, which is ironic since you're not a vampire anymore," Buffy said, from the sofa.

"Nice to see you too, love," he grumbled.

"I wish you were home more, not working yourself to the bone."

He ignored all the possible innuendo in her sentence; he was too tired. Spike looked around for Tommy.

"He's gone to bed," she said. "If you were home more, then you'd see him more."

Spike sighed. "Please don't start this again. You know why I'm doing this."

He wanted his son to have the very best of everything. If that meant he had to work his socks off then so be it.

"You should slow down and enjoy the baby. Tommy needs his Daddy."

This was a bone of contention between them, especially when Buffy was feeling particularly knackered after a hard day with Tommy, who was prone to bouts of colic.

"I know you're doing your best," she said. "I'm just asking you to cut back on the overtime. Robert would understand."

"You make it sound as if I don't help at all," Spike muttered. He understood it was difficult for her too; they were both running themselves ragged. Spike was doing long days and Buffy was after going back to work weekends, when he looked after the baby.

"I not saying that at all," she snapped. "I know you do and you're a great father. I just hate to see you so tired and I want us to spend time together as a family. Is that too much to ask for? Either I'm working or you're working."

He could hear the pain in her voice and it was a sharp dose of reality. When was the last time they had spent a whole day together?

"I'm going to bed," she announced.

"It's only-" He checked his watch and was shocked to see it was ten pm. "Fuck!"

"Yeah," Buffy said, crossing her arms.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I completely lost track of time."

She rolled her eyes, before turning around and heading up the stairs, leaving Spike standing there feeling like a right bastard. If he wasn't careful he would lose this amazing woman. They were drifting apart and he didn't know what to do about. He guessed he could probably start with having a chat with Bob about the long hours. After a few moments of silent reflection, he followed her up the stairs. He heard the running of the water from the shower, as he reached the door of their bedroom. He decided to leave her to it and go check on the little nipper, so he walked into the nursery instead. He smiled fondly as he gazed at his little boy fast asleep in his crib. He wondered if he would ever feel like he deserved the life he had. He had been one of the vilest creatures that walked the earth, murdering, pillaging and laughing all the while. Still, he had a second chance at living, was given the gift of a beautiful son and had Buffy. He had been a monster for most of his life. What sort of example could he ever be for his son? His ghosts still haunted him and he didn't think he would ever stop feeling unclean, the blood on his hands was still there. Somehow, the innocence of this child reinforced this feeling. He crept out of the nursery and went down the hall to their bedroom. Buffy had come out of the shower and was blow-drying her hair. She didn't say a word and he knew he was still in the doghouse. He went into the bathroom with a sigh and stripped off his clothes. He turned on the faucet and stepped under the steaming water. He lathered his body and wished he could cleanse away all the guilt he felt too. When Spike finished his shower, he grabbed a towel and dried himself. He could no longer hear the hairdryer and he figured Buffy must be in bed by now. He took a deep breath and headed into the bedroom. Sure enough Buffy was in bed and she was facing the wall. He slid into the bed beside her, expecting the cold shoulder. Instead, she turned to face him and put her head on his shoulder. He felt a warmth flood his belly at the gesture. She couldn't be too mad at him.

The following night Spike wasn't long home from work when the doorbell rang. He opened the door and was surprised to see Angel standing there. Peaches calling unannounced was never a good sign. He recovered quickly.

"Come in," Spike said.

Angel walked in, looking even more gloomy than normal. "Is Buffy around?" he asked. "I need to talk to both of you."

"She's putting Tommy to bed. I'll go fetch her."

Spike had a bad feeling about this. He walked up the stairs and popped his head in the door of the nursery. Buffy stood with her back to him concentrating on changing the little mite's nappy.

"Did I hear Angel's voice?" she asked as she turned to him.

"He says he needs to talk to both of us." Spike frowned. "I think something bad has gone down. He's like a big, black cloud of gloom."

Buffy put Tommy down into his cot. "Let's go face the music then."

They could hear Angel pacing on the wooden floor.

Spike sighed. "Can I dust him if he wears a hole in the expensive carpet?"

"Be nice," she warned.

They walked down the stairs, where Angel was frowning at the family photographs that graced the fireplace. Buffy made a beeline for Angel and embraced the wanker.

"It's good to see you, Angel," she said. Angel's jaw tightened at her words. "Or is it not good to see you?"

"This is not a social call," Angel said gruffly. Buffy groaned. "Can I ever see you for a non-apocalypse?"

"Buffy, let the bloke get on with it," Spike chided, eager for the story to be told. "Go on, then." He nodded at Angel.

Angel shifted uncomfortably and turned his gaze to him. "It's Drusilla!"

Spike's heart started race. "Drusilla? What about her?"

Angel clenched his jaw. "She's been in Los Angeles and put together a gang of sorts. Faith and Gunn took her on and she killed them."

Spike looked at Buffy, who was ashen faced. He knew that despite the differences between herself and Faith, she was devastated by the loss. He put his arm around her. Spike was equally distressed, as he had been fond of the girl and Gunn too, even if he never would have been bosom buddies with either of them given their histories with Buffy and Angel respectively.

"Sorry, for your loss, Angel," Buffy said quietly. "I know you were close with them both."

"Thanks, for letting us know," Spike added.

"Actually, I didn't just come to tell you this," Angel admitted. "I have a favour to ask of you, Spike. You know Dru better than anyone and I need a little help tracking her down. I want you to come to L.A. with me for a couple of days."

If Spike was honest it would be good to get back in the game and if Dru was out there maybe it was his responsibility. Nonetheless, it wouldn't do to appear too interested especially since Buffy's eyebrows were raised and her cheeks were flushed. He knew Buffy well enough to tell she was furious.

"What do you want with me?" Spike asked trying to sound disinterested. "I can't just jump because you want to play Simon Says; I have responsibilities and a job. Besides, what makes you think I can help?"

"You know how she thinks," Angel argued. "You could always make some sort of sense of her ramblings." Angel paused for a moment and looked apologetically at them both. "More importantly your presence could help flush her out."

Buffy exploded, "Angel, I'm sorry you lost your crew, but you're not using my husband as vampire bait, especially for that skank."

Spike put his hand on her shoulder. "I think I should go," he said quietly.

The Slayer opened her mouth to protest, but seemed to think better of it. He knew she was angry at him and she didn't want to fight with him in front of Angel. Bloody Angel was always coming between them. It briefly occurred to him that if Angel wanted him out of the way and have a chance at a ready-made family that this would be an ideal opportunity. He shook off the notion knowing logically that Buffy didn't love the poofter like that anymore, and if it happened she would probably dust Angel.

Buffy turned her back to him and spoke to Angel, "Have you got someplace to stay?"

"I did book into a motel in case you needed time to think about this."

"Call over tomorrow night once we have had time."

Buffy's tone was icy cold and Spike knew he was going to have a hard time convincing her he should go. He was going to go whether she liked it or not. He could feel her gaze burning a hole in the back of his head.

Angel nodded and headed for the door, where he stopped for a moment. "With respect Buffy, this is Spike's decision not yours. Let him make it."

Without waiting for a response Angel slammed the door shut. The silence was oppressive and Spike knew he couldn't avoid her gaze for ever. He took a deep breath and met her gaze.

"I don't want you to go," she said.

"l have to," Spike insisted. "If I can help, then I reckon I should."

"Angel wants to use you," she snapped. "He wants to use you as bait. You're not the Big Bad anymore; you're human and you have a child to think of. You can't go hunting trouble down with little regard for your safety. It's selfish."

"You still go out slaying," he pointed out.

"I'm a slayer, Spike. I have extraordinary powers. You don't, not anymore."

He flinched at that, but he knew she was right. The two lapsed into silence once again.

"Explain to me why you think you should go?" she asked eventually.

"Dru and I spent years killing; thousands died at our hands. I can't undo what I did, but I can help Angel find her. I owe this to Faith and Charlie."

Buffy sighed. "I understand. I don't have to like it though."

He was relieved she accepted he needed to do this. The last thing he wanted to do was fight with her before heading off with Angel. Their relationship was under enough pressure as it was.

She hugged him tightly. "If you die, I will get Willow to bring you back, so I can kill you myself."

"I'll be careful. I promise," he said. He knew he shouldn't make a promise like that.

As soon as it was dark the following evening, Angel turned up. Spike had packed a duffel bag and called the station to say he was taking a few holiday days. They owed him for all the overtime he had been putting in of late.

"Look after him, Angel," Buffy said.

"Oi! I can look after myself" Spike interrupted.

"Come on, Willie," Angel teased.

"Don't call me that," Spike whinged.

He knew this was going to be long couple of days. He looked over at his son, standing in his play pen.

Tommy put his chubby little hands into the air, looking for Spike to pick him up.

Spike walked over to pick him up, before kissing him on the forehead. "Now you better be good for your mum while I'm away. You'll have me to answer to when I come back. "

Buffy snorted. "You're the soft touch." She held out her arms for Tommy.

Spike smiled and handed Tommy back to her and kissed her on the lips.

"Take care," she whispered.

Spike and Angel headed for the door with Buffy and Tommy behind them. Spike opened the passenger door and took a last look back at his family standing on the doorstep.

Buffy waved Tommy's little hand. "Wave bye-bye to Daddy."

Tommy began to wave of his own accord and Spike's heart swelled in pride at his smart little lad. He was going to miss them.

Spike found over the next couple of days, even though he was human he and Angel got along no better. They fought over the little things, such as what to watch on the telly and the more serious issues over tracking down Dru. The trail had turned cold; they had checked the familiar haunts and places Spike remembered visiting with her. Both men were greatly impatient and taking it out on one another. Spike missed Buffy and Tommy a lot. He had never planned on being away for more than a couple of days and he was lucky Dowling was his direct boss, as they gave him the extra time off work. He couldn't leave just yet. Spike was afraid if he left Angel to his own devices that he would do something stupid and Buffy wouldn't forgive him if anything happened to the wanker. Still, knowing this was for the best was not making being away any easier. He had been away a week when Dawn rang him to chastise him.

"The last thing Buffy needs is you running off after your ex. You should be home with her and Tommy."

"I will be back soon," he argued. "This is important. I wouldn't have taken off otherwise."

Dawn sighed. "Spike, you're so puffed up in your own importance, you don't realise this is just your vanity talking."

"That's not fair, Dawn," he replied, stung at her words.

He didn't argue very often with the younger Summers and when he did it was always a blazing row. Dawn never hesitated in being honest and he returned it in kind. Normally this brutal honesty didn't result in a fight as they respected and listened to each other's opinions.

"Oh it's fair," she snapped. "Spike, I thought you got over being a vampire and had accepted the fact that you're human."

"I have," Spike said in a low tone. "I would have come back when we ended up at a dead end. The thing is Peaches is in a dark place and I reckon Buffy wouldn't appreciate me leaving him here on his own to do something stupid."

Dawn scoffed, "Angel's not your responsibility." She paused for a moment before continuing in a softer tone. "I get he's family and all, but I think your son is more important. Surely, there's someone else that can keep an eye on him. Saving the world isn't your job anymore. Let that up to those with the superpowers. You're just a regular guy now. It's time you grew up and got your priorities straight."

He knew Dawn was right. He had been longer than he had promised and his recent phone calls with Buffy had been short and to the point, making it clear she was pissed off at his absence. He vowed he would only stay another couple of days and he would quits even if Dru was still about.

Spike didn't know when Dru had learned to be so stealthy. Back in the days when they painted Europe red, she was more than happy to leave havoc in her wake. She was making it a lot more difficult for them to find her now. When they did finally meet her, it was on her own terms. A day after Spike's conversation with Dawn, Spike and Angel were leaving Angel's apartment when they heard a familiar laugh coming from nearby. Spike whirled around and caught a figure moving in the shadows.

"My boys together again." Drusilla emerged from the darkness. "The sunshine has corrupted you both."

Spike's palms were sweaty and his heart was beating erratically. He was newly reminded of his mortality. As always, Dru only had eyes for her sire, and for the first time in his life he was happy to play second fiddle.

"Dru!" Angel advanced towards her. "You killed my friends."

Dru crooked a finger at her sire. "You don't want to kill me, my Angel."

Angel stopped in his tracks. "No I don't. Doesn't mean I won't."

She smiled sadly. "You don't love me anymore."

Spike's blood felt like ice as Drusilla turned to him. "You don't either. You love her."

She spat out the last word, before turning to Angel.

"You needn't worry, Daddy, I'm done with punishing you for now." She laughed darkly. "Miss Edith tells me it's time to leave. I just wanted to see my boys again."

"You come back into my city, again, and you're dust, Dru," Angel threatened.

"Daddy getting all commanding gets Princess all hot and bothered," was her reply.

Spike's heart was thumping in his chest. Dru turned her attention to him once more.

"And Spike, I'm sure I'll see you again," she said, before turning on her heel and melting back into the dark. A shiver went down his spine. Was that a threat?

"If that bitch goes near my family, I'll-"Spike began.

Angel put a hand on his shoulder. "She's won't go up against Buffy."

Spike didn't feel so sure and he a sense of unease he couldn't shake.

"Go home, Spike," Angel urged. "You're human now. Your time isn't unlimited anymore. Kids grow up fast or get sent into a hell dimension and come back fully grown. You need to enjoy the time you have, because you'll never get it back. Trust me I should know."

Spike could hear the pain in Angel's voice at his own experiences with Connor. He felt grateful that he had been given a chance to see his own child grow up and Tommy hadn't been robbed from him like Connor. Looking at the pain on his grand sire's face, he headed back inside to pack his belongings.

When Spike returned to San Francisco, he and Buffy embraced warmly. The tension between them was forgotten in the reunion. Spike told Buffy all about Drusilla and what she had said. Buffy scoffed at the idea of Dru taking her on and his wife's easy confidence eased his fears.

"I'm sorry I've been away so much, love," Spike said.

Buffy sighed. "Spike, you say you want everything for our son. The most important thing he needs is his parent's love not money. I know you love him, but how is Tommy to know if you don't spend enough time with him."

Spike smiled. "I know and I finally realised you're right. I told Bob I won't be in until Monday and we're going to spend the weekend together, us three."

Buffy beamed at him and Spike knew this was the right thing to do. After all, you never knew how life could change in an instant. He was a lucky bloke and he needed to make sure his son and his wife knew that he was fully aware of that.

To be continued...


	10. Chapter nine

Disclaimer: I may love this verse, but I don't own it.

Thank you to Ginar369 for the beta.

**Chapter Nine**

Buffy couldn't believe that it had been six years since she and Spike had gotten married. It was a good marriage even if they did fight a lot. Tommy was a great kid and he was a little Spike in miniature. She never would have believed it would be possible to combine a life as a Slayer and as a mother and wife. She would never stop being a Slayer; it was something that was an inherent part of her. At the same time, she had a reason to make sure no vampire or demon got their "one good day". Her family had to come first and having Spike for a husband meant that he understood her drive for a kill and her way of life in a way another person would not have. He occasionally came out with her on patrol when he got antsy and she was less worried about him these days, knowing he wouldn't enter into a fight he couldn't win. They were on their way to a dinner with Dawn, Xander, Willow and Dowling. They had a tradition of meeting up with them at least once a month and exchanging news. They were having dinner tonight in a fancy, little Chinese. It was shortly after six when they pulled up outside the restaurant.

"Tommy will be as happy as Larry," Spike said, getting out of the car.

"No doubt," Buffy said. "Audrey will have him spoiled rotten."

Audrey was their elderly next door neighbour and she was always glad to babysit.

"Maybe we should have asked her to keep him for the night?" Spike raised a brow.

Buffy laughed. "Maybe."

She shivered as he unabashedly ran his eyes up and down her body. Her black dress was tight and clung to her in all the right places.

"Enjoy it while you can, Spike. I'm not going to get away with wearing clothes like this much longer."

He ran his tongue across his teeth. "I don't care much for the clothes, love. That's your gig. I only care about what's underneath 'em . I love you any shape and size. You should know that. 'Sides, you know how sexy I find it when you're carrying around my little one in there."

She blushed under his blazing stare. "Stop," she said, with a giggle. "Let's get inside before I decide I want you to jump you right now."

"Would that be such a bad thing?"

His husky whisper made her knees feel weak.

"Yes," she said, reluctantly pushing him away.

Spike pouted. "Don't you fancy me anymore?"

Buffy pointed at her belly. "Yes. Case and point."

He smiled. "You'll have to show me later and help me heal my bruised ego."

She rolled her eyes. "Come on Randy, let's go and tell our friends our good news. You can crow about how much of a stud you are."

They were waiting to spill the news to their friends that they were having another baby. The first few weeks passed without a hitch and they planned on making the announcement at dinner.

The others were inside when they arrived. Buffy didn't miss the calculating look that passed between her sister and Willow during their entrance.

"Hi guys," Buffy said, taking her seat at the table.

Willow smiled knowingly. "Have you got some news for us?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Ah, come on Buffy." Willow laughed. "You guys have been wandering around in a daze these last few weeks."

"Like horny teenagers," added Xander. "It's disgusting."

Dawn started to giggle and Buffy felt her face going red. Even Spike was blushing.

Buffy had been lucky last time and she worked off her baby weight pretty quickly. She hoped it would be as easy this time. She knew her age might be an issue considering she was just after turning thirty six. Spike had cut down on his job since his trip to Los Angeles with Angel and for that Buffy was grateful. She knew she could need him when she got further into her pregnancy especially with a toddler already running around. Tommy was three now and it would be good for him to have a little brother or sister. Tommy adored his father and they spent a lot of time kicking a football around the garden often wrecking her flowers in the process. Spike told her she was turning into an old nag so often that Tommy had picked up on the word and Spike was banned from using it in his presence as a result. Spike was also banned from using bad language, which was a bit of a trial for him but amused her no end. He was resorting to creative means to make his customary insults.

Several months later, Buffy was more exhausted than she had been in her first pregnancy with having a small child like Tommy to take care of as well. She shuddered to think what it would have been like had she gotten pregnant sooner. One evening Buffy felt particularly drained and felt asleep on the sofa. There was a loud bang from the kitchen and she jumped to her feet. Tommy was wearing a guilty expression and the cookie jar was broken on the floor in front of him.

"Sorry," he said.

She gave him her most foreboding expression. "Tommy, you know you're not meant to go climbing into the cupboards."

"You were asleep and I wanted a cookie," he explained.

"You should have woken me." She sighed. "Can you get me the dust pan and brush?"

"Ok," he said.

A moment later he returned with the dustpan and brush and handed them to her. She brushed all the fragments up and popped them into the trash can.

"Are you tired, Mommy?" he asked, when she yawned.

"Yeah, baby," she replied.

She had another two months left to her due date and she was exhausted. She waddled back into the living room and plonked down on the sofa.

Tommy sat down beside her and laid his head on her lap. "When my little brother or sister comes, will I still be your baby?"

"Of course, you will," she reassured him.

When Buffy went into labour for the second time, she was terrified. She was over a month early and had not been expecting the familiar pains for a long time yet. Spike had rushed her to the hospital in a panic. The doctor came and checked her over. He had a sombre expression on his face when he finished his exam.

"Your baby appears to be in distress," the doctor explained. "We want to operate on you now as we fear a natural birth may endanger both your lives."

Buffy nodded giving her consent. Spike was squeezing her hand. He was so pale; he looked like he was a vampire again. Buffy felt like crying. What if it was too early? What had she done wrong that she and her baby were sick?

Spike was perceptive as ever and read her mind. "It's not your fault. These things happen all the time. If the little bit is any bit as strong as mum then there's nothing to worry about."

Buffy appreciated he was trying to reassure her, but she could see he was as terrified as she was.

"Will you ring Dawn and tell her what's happened?" she asked.

"Of course," he replied. "Anything else you want?"

"No," she whispered. "Just hurry back."

Several hours later, Emily Joyce Pratt was born and thankfully both mother and daughter were healthy.

To be continued...

Please let me know what you think.


	11. Chapter ten

**Disclaimer: I don't own. I play in this universe and make no profit, only the joy I get from writing.**

**Chapter Ten**

It had been a long time coming, but finally Spike and Buffy could bring Emily home from the hospital. She was still small but healthy and resilient. Spike had taken Tommy to see her and Buffy in the maternity ward but these visits had been short. Tommy was very excited about bringing his little sister home. Buffy had him help prepare the nursery in the months leading up to the birth.

Tommy woke up Spike at six in the morning. "Is it time to bring Mommy and Emily home, yet?"

"No," Spike mumbled sleepily. "Go back to bed like a good boy and let your old man get some more kip. It's too early yet."

"Can I get into bed with you?" Tommy asked his blue eyes hopeful.

_Anything for a quiet life._ Spike nodded and the little boy jumped into the bed and huddled up next to him. However, that was the end of any sleep, as Tommy tossed and turned constantly meaning Spike couldn't get back to sleep. He sighed, sat up in bed, and Tommy jumped onto his back. They went down to the kitchen and Spike popped the kettle on for a cup of tea and started to make some porridge. He was after becoming very domestic. He often found himself wondering at the changes in himself in the last couple of years. The old Spike wouldn't recognise himself.

Tommy was sitting at the table, when Spike placed the bowl of porridge in front of him.

"Daddy?" he asked.

"Yeah?"

"What if I'm not a good big brother?"

Spike smiled. "You'll be fine. Let me tell you a secret. Before you were born I was very scared."

"But why?" Tommy's eyes were wide.

"Just like you! I was worried I wasn't going to be a good dad. Then you came along and somehow I knew what to do."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Tommy started to smile and tucked happily into his breakfast. Spike popped some bread in the toaster and poured his tea. Spike checked his watch. They still had another hour to kill before they could head to the hospital. It was then he remembered he had to put together the cot. It was in the attic and in all the excitement of bringing his girls home it had slipped his mind.

"Bloody hell," he groaned. "Another job to do after breakfast."

"Will you help me put Emily's bed together?" Spike asked Tommy once breakfast was over.

Tommy started to jump up and down n excitement. Spike went out of the kitchen and went up the stairs to get the cot. He brought it down into his and Buffy's room.

Tommy frowned. "Why isn't it going into Emily's room?"

Spike could sense the jealously in his son's voice. They had worried if Tommy would find it difficult to adapt to no longer being the baby of the family. He had been very positive about the idea since he was told he was going to have a little brother or sister, although only time would really tell. He decided to nip it in the bud.

"Emily is really little and for a little while she needs to sleep with her mum and dad."

"Why can't I stay with you?"

He ruffled Tommy's hair. "You're a big lad and all grown up."

Spike pulled into the parking lot full of good cheer. He and Tommy stopped at the hospital shop to pick up some flowers. He handed them to Tommy to carry, who was as proud as punch. Tommy's curly hair and big blue eyes caused a lot of women to stop and talk with them.

"Daddy and I are going to bring Mummy and my new baby sister home today," Tommy told them. The lad was clearly enjoying the attention. He didn't just take after his father in the looks department. He was going to be a right little ladies' man too. Spike reminded himself how things could have been so different given the close call they had. He hurried Tommy along, impatient to get to his girls. When they arrived in the maternity ward, a fully dressed Buffy was sitting on the bed. She had been waiting for them.

Tommy ran in ahead of Spike. "Mommy!"

Tommy proudly presented her with the flowers and jumped onto the bed, putting his arms around her neck.

"I missed you, Mommy," he said.

"I missed you too. Were you good for your dad?"

"I'm always good," Tommy boasted, causing Buffy to laugh.

Spike went over to the cot picking Emily up. She was so beautiful. How on earth had a creature so evil like he had been earned such a wonderful family? The answer was Buffy. She inspired him to be a man not a monster, and when had finally become a man, to think he had resented this gift for so long. This was unthinkable to him now knowing what he had. He wandered over to his son and wife, bending down to kiss Buffy on the cheek.

When they arrived home, Buffy and Emily were greeted by a big "welcome home" banner along with a few close friends and family. Their visitors didn't stay long. When Spike caught Buffy yawning, he suggested they call back another time. Besides, if he was honest, he wanted his family all to himself. He settled down on the couch with Buffy under one arm and Tommy under the other. Emily was sleeping away in her crib. It wasn't long before Tommy dozed off as well and Spike carried him up to bed. When he was done he went downstairs and he snuggled up with Buffy on the couch.

"Mmm," she said. "I've missed my Spike pillow."

He kissed her shoulder blade. "Glad to be of service, love."

She turned around to see him better. "I can't do this again, you know. Two kids- now I'm done."

He arched a brow. "Doesn't mean we have to stop practicing?"

She laughed. "Oh god, no."

He settled back against her and he wondered could life get any better than this.

To be continued...

End of part II.

I needed to do a couple of jumps to get to the point I needed to. I hope it wasn't too jarring. I needed to set up the family unit for part III. That will be set four years later.


	12. Chapter Eleven

_Disclaimer: I don't own. I wish I did._

_Beta by the wonderful Ginar369_

_Part III: Sometimes the past comes back to bite you. _

_Chapter Eleven_

_Four Years Later…_

Spike had a long day at work and he was happily on his way home at last. He was wearing a grey suit and the tie loosened and a blue shirt. He hated having to wear a suit, even though it was necessary on occasion. He would have walked into work that morning without one, if Buffy hadn't given him an incentive to be a good boy. That saucy minx knew how to play him and if he was truthful he quite liked being manipulated. He was looking forward to putting his feet up with a couple of beers and taking his wife up on that proposition. He smirked as he pulled up at the gas station to fill up his tank. He walked into the shop and grabbed himself a six pack of beer. He had discovered shortly after becoming human, he couldn't drink whiskey down like it was water anymore and although he enjoyed his pal Jack he drank it less often and in lesser amounts. Spike was a regular at this particular gas station and the pretty brunette behind the counter smiled at him.

"Hi Spike. How are you?"

"Hullo, pet." He winked at her. I'm just glad to be getting home. It was a long, boring day."

"You're looking pretty dapper. Are you heading out with Buffy?"

He snorted. "Nah- those wankers made me wear a suit today for a damn meeting." He fiddled with the tie. "I hate suits."

The woman laughed and deliberately swept her eyes down his body. "I think you look good."

He smiled at her. "Trying to seduce me, pet? Sorry, I'm a lost cause."

"Don't worry I'm not suicidal. I've seen Buffy kick ass and I'm too young to die."

He put the six pack on the counter.

"Is there anything else?" she asked.

"Just the gas," he said.

She rung up the amount on the register and he handed her the cash. "Keep the change, pet."

"Bye Spike," she called out, as he headed to the door.

He shot her a wave and went to his car. He opened the door of the car, turned on the engine and he was about to pull away when a figure stood in front of the car. _Crazy bint!_

He rolled down the window. "Oi! Do you want to get yourself killed, woman?"

When she didn't move, he got out of the car, walked towards her and the woman melted into the shadows so he couldn't see her any longer. His mouth dropped open in shock. He would know that walk anywhere. After all, he had spent over a century with the bint. What was Drusilla doing here? His heart clenched, as he remembered the last time he set eyes on her. That time in Los Angeles she had told him she was sure to see him again. He knew he should walk away and go back into his car and drive off. Still, his feet took him towards her. She stopped under a streetlight and it gave her an otherworldly glow. He looked at her silky lack tresses and her beautiful eyes and found himself rooted to the spot. He was under no illusions about what she was capable of, but somehow he got the feeling she wasn't looking to hurt him.

"Hello, my William," she said, and she walked towards him.

"Not your William anymore," was his reply.

"I know. The sunshine burnt you right up and then she made you whole again." She reached out to stroke his cheek, but he stepped backward. Despite, the fact that she damned him he couldn't bring himself to hate her for it. She had taught him there was more to the world than soddin' books and poetry. He learned to live when he was dead. He appreciated the irony of that.

"What do you want, Dru? You should leave before you're dust. I loved you for a long time, pet, but I'm a white hat now and I can't let you harm anyone."

She made no reply.

He continued, "The slayer's going to end you and I won't stop her, so I'm warning you now for the last time. I never want to see you again."

"My poor dark prince." Drusilla gave him a sorrowful look. "You poor lost lamb."

She approached him once more and he knew she could hear the frantic beating of his heart and smell his fear. He rummaged through his pockets feeling for his stake, which he carried around at all times. "Dru, I mean it." He stepped backward once more and looked about him to see if there was anybody else around. The place was deserted. His car was the only car parked in the gas station.

She began to frown, as if it was a surprise to her that his heart should be threatening to beat so hard it could come right out of his chest.

"Why are you afraid?" Nevertheless, she stopped advancing. "I don't want to harm _you_."

He couldn't feel so confident about others being safe from her especially his family. He shuddered at the thought of her anywhere near his children. She had always been fond of eating children after all.

"Please- you have to leave Dru. I don't want to have to stake you."

He pulled the stake out to show her he was serious. He was strong for a human. All the training he did saw to that. Still, he was no match really for an old vampire like Dru. She laughed in that mad way of hers and he felt a pang of sympathy for her, which he tried to squash down.

She stopped and shook her head. "Goodbye for now, William."

Spike felt the hair rise at the back of his neck and he had an awful gnawing feeling in his stomach. "Dru, you better leave town," he warned. She stopped in her tracks but didn't turn around. "And should you harm someone I love, then I'll come after you myself."

She looked over her shoulder and just grinned at him before darting off into the darkness. His blood froze knowing the danger his family was in with his deranged ex in the area. He wondered briefly if he should run after her. He decided he better call home first and make sure Buffy was home and give her the heads up in case the crazy bint decided to call around. If he went after the bint he could end up dead before Buffy even knew there was any danger. He pulled out his cell phone and rang the house phone. It rang four times before there was an answer.

His daughter's little voice answered. "Hullo. Who is it?"

"Hi poppet. It's Daddy."

Emily sounded excited. "Daddy! Are you coming home soon?"

"Very soon. I need to speak with your mum. Can you go and get her for me?"

"Okay, Daddy."

"Good girl."

He winced as her heard her drop the receiver down hard on the table. It was probably a good job he didn't have vampire hearing anymore considering the amount of noise his and Buffy's little monsters liked to make.

Buffy sounded bright and breezy. "Hi Spike."

Relief coursed through him. "Thank god, Buffy. I just bumped into Dru. She's in town."

There was silence on the other side of the line. When she finally spoke, she sounded worried. "Are you okay? Did that bitc- bad lady hurt you?"

He knew from Buffy's choice of words there were little and impressionable ears listening. "No. I'm worried about you all though. Dru's always had a thing for kids."

"You don't think?"

"I do think. I know her. I know almost as well as I know myself. I lived with her for a century."

"Thanks for reminding me," Buffy snapped.

He knew he said the wrong thing. He could hear the jealousy in her voice whenever he did mention his unlife with Dru. He knew Buffy hated the fact that he spent so many years with another woman and she would never be able to match it. Still, this was not the time for petty jealousy. They could sort this out later.

"I'll be home as soon as I can. We can make plans then."

"I'm sorry, Spike. I know it would be hard for you if we have to stake her."

"You and the kids are the most important thing in the world to me. I would let the soddin' world burn if it meant keeping you all safe."

He heard Buffy sniffle on the other end of the phone. "Keep safe and get home soon."

Spike's journey home was one the longest he ever made. It was only a fifteen minute drive, but it felt a lot longer. When he finally got in the door, he saw Buffy and the kids sitting on the sofa watching some kids' film. They were scoffing popcorn and he managed a faint smile at the scene.

"Hi Daddy," the children chorused, before turning their attention back to the telly.

Buffy got up leaving the kids to their movie and motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen, where they could discuss things privately. He held his arms out to her and she walked right into them, resting her head on his shoulder. They held each other tightly.

When Buffy finally pulled away she looked him right in the eye. "I'm going out to slay her tonight! Nobody threatens my babies."

"She didn't threaten them, love. She did say she would see me soon and she didn't want to hurt me. I told her she better stay away from my family."

"The very fact that she is here is a threat, Spike. You can't expect me to sit around here. I'm a Slayer. It's what I do!"

"It's what she will expect," he pointed out. "Let somebody else take care of it."

"No!"

He looked her square in the eyes. "Then I'm coming too."

"Don't be ridiculous."

He was stung by her words.

Buffy let out a sigh. "Oh Spike you idiot. What I meant was we made a pact when we had the kids. We swore that if either of us was going into a dangerous situation that the other would stay behind with the kids."

"That's always you, isn't it?" She opened her mouth to speak, but he interrupted her. "Let's just put the rugrats to bed. It's not fair to fight in front of them."

"Okay. But Spike we're not fighting."

He smiled despite himself. "What are we doing then?"

She put on a ridiculous English accent. "We're having a spirited conversation, old chap."

He could never stay annoyed at the chit for too long. Besides, as much as he wanted to think otherwise, he knew she was right.

An hour later Buffy and Spike sat quietly on the sofa. The kiddies were all tucked in and bathed. It was time for the conversation they had put off earlier.

"I don't want you to go," he said, in a final attempt to dissuade her. He knew there was little point in trying to make Buffy change her mind. Still, a fella had to try.

Her mouth was in a hard line. "I'm going whether you like it or not."

He sighed accepting the inevitable. He knew she didn't need his blessing and regardless of what he said she was going to go after Dru anyway.

"I don't like it," he insisted, shaking his head. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply.

She moved closer to him and kissed him softly on the lips. He kissed her back with as much passion as he could muster. After several loving kisses, they pulled apart to breath. He rested his forehead against hers.

"Love you," he mumbled.

She smiled. "I'm doing this for us. I'll be fine."

He didn't share her optimism; the contents of his stomach were churning uncomfortably.

"Just promise me something?" he asked.

"What?"

"Take some other slayers with you. I don't want you to take her on by yourself."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Spike, I can take Dru."

He held his hand up in protest. "That's all I'm asking. If you're going you need back up. I don't doubt your strength and ability, but Dru's crazy and unpredictable. Please, do this for me?"

For a moment, he thought she was going to refuse.

She nodded eventually. "I'll swing by Trish and Amy's."

"Good," he said.

Buffy took a look at her watch. "I'm going now. I can't sit here any longer when she's out and about."

His throat felt dry and he hugged her tightly. "Be careful, love."

"Don't worry," she assured him. "I've survived too many apocalypses to let a vamp like Dru get me."

She pulled away from him, landing a peck on his lips and he watched as she nabbed her favourite stake from her weapons chest. The knot in his stomach was back again.

Spike spent the next couple of hours pacing around the living room waiting for Buffy to return. He left the curtains open, so he could see her coming back. It was a long night and he kept watch out the window in case Dru would turn up. The fact that she had no way of entering the house without an invitation did little to ease his fear. The beers lay forgotten in the fridge as he opted for a stronger drink instead. He had two glasses of whiskey to calm his nerves; It didn't help much. It was nearly half two in the morning when he saw Buffy coming up the drive. He rushed to the door, breathing a sigh of relief to see she was fine. However, she was scowling and that made it clear that patrol had been a disaster.

"I found nothing. Nobody could tell me anything."

He pulled her to him and she wrapped her arms around him.

"Maybe she took my advice and left town?" Spike suggested.

Buffy looked up and raised a sardonic brow. "Sure she did, and Dumbledore is the British Prime Minister and Ronald McDonald the President."

Spike shrugged. "She didn't turn up here or at least I didn't see her and I've been peering out the window all night."

"The neighbours probably think you're a big pervert spying on them all."

He laughed. "I'm sure they do at that, love."

She smiled at him.

"So Dru is still at large then," he mused.

Her face lost its mirth. "I don't like that she seems to be in hiding. What's she up to?"

Spike sighed. "I don't like this either, Buffy. Maybe I should have tried to stake her?"

She shook her head. "No. She's strong and smart. She would have killed you." There was a frightened look in her eyes at that thought.

He knew she was afraid, but he couldn't help being annoyed at her. "I'm not completely hopeless, Buffy. You like to think I'm useless and weak. I may only be human now, but I know how to fight. She never would have believed I could stake her. I saw the way she looked at me when I took it out. I would have had time."

"Oh – let's not fight again." Her fists were balled. "That bitch is causing enough damage as it is never mind the fact that she has me terrified out my wits. Can we just forget about her for tonight?"

He nodded even though he was sure he couldn't. "Let's go to bed." Maybe some love making would allow them to forget for a little while about the storm that brewed.

To be continued...

As always please drop a line to let me know what you think.


	13. Chapter twelve

**_Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. I just get to play house in it._**

**_Beta provided by Ginar369_**

**_Chapter Twelve_**

The following day was a sombre one and despite the fact that it was daylight, Spike couldn't stop his mind going to Drusilla and any possible harm that could come to his family.

"Maybe I should call in sick?" Spike suggested.

Buffy shook her head. "No. You should go. It's not as if she will be able to do much when the sun's out anyway."

Spike furrowed his brow. "It's not like the sun stopped me when I was determined."

"You always were an unusual vampire," she pointed out. "Just go. There's no point in us both mooning about the house."

Spike shrugged his shoulders. "I don't think I'll be much use at work, too busy thinking about what that crazy bint is up to."

"You'll be fine," she insisted. She practically shoved him to the door.

"Okay," he conceded, grabbing his coat. "I'll call you at lunchtime."

Sure enough, Spike found it very hard to concentrate. He was in Dowling's office going over some files for a new case. The words were swimming in front of his eyes and he kept checking his cell phone to see if Buffy had called or messaged him. By lunchtime the detective had just about enough.

"Earth to Spike," Dowling said.

Spike jumped. "Huh?"

"I've been trying to get your attention for the last five minutes." Dowling sighed and started to gather up all the files. "You should go home."

"Sorry, my mind's elsewhere."

The detective looked concerned. "What's wrong?"

Spike pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't really want to talk about it, mate."

Dowling nodded. "You look like shit."

Spike knew it was true. When he looked in the mirror that morning his eyes had dark circles underneath them and his skin was pale.

"I didn't get a wink of sleep," Spike confessed.

"Go on," Dowling insisted. "Get out of here."

"Thanks," Spike muttered, getting up and heading for the door.

"If there's anything I can do to help let me know."

It was then the realisation hit Spike. If Dru had been hanging around San Francisco then surely there would be some reports of deaths or missing persons.

"I've just thought of something you can do," Spike said and sat back down.

Spike had been disappointed after the conversation with Dowling. There was nothing to suggest that Dru had been hanging around San Francisco or was still there. There had so far been no reports of suspicious vampire activity. Then again, Spike reasoned that perhaps Dru only turned up the previous night and that was why. He had left Dowling's office with the reassurance that Dowling would keep watch for anything that could point to an insane vampire on the prowl. Spike opened the door and walked into the living room, where Buffy was sitting on the sofa. She jumped as the door slammed behind him and Spike supressed a chuckle.

"You gave me a scare," she chided.

"Like I said earlier, I couldn't concentrate, love."

"You didn't get in any trouble, did you?"

Spike scoffed, "I'm not afraid of Bob."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "You're such a child. He's your boss."

Spike snorted. "Bob's my boss and he's my mate. Anyway, he told me to go home as I was no use to him."

Buffy got up from the sofa. "Do you want a coffee?"

"Please," Spike said and followed her into the kitchen. "I told Bob about Dru."

Buffy raised a brow as she turned on the kettle.

"Only that she's some crazy bint from my past and that she was threatening my family." Spike took a seat at the table. Buffy had her back to him. "No need to go through the ins and outs of it. He had heard of nothing suspicious, so I reckon she had only just arrived when I saw her last night. He says he is going to keep an eye out and let us know if he hears anything."

He watched her as she poured the tea and he could see she looked exhausted. She put the mug down in front of him. She was about to sit down at the other side of the table.

"'C'mere," he said.

"I'm not really in the mood, Spike. Your crazy ex is on the loose."

He was stung by her reaction. It may be down to the fact that he had a relationship with Dru in the past that she was here now, but she was acting like the whole thing was his fault.

"Sorry," she said with a sigh. "I don't blame you. I'm just worried and it doesn't help that the kids are off in school."

"Maybe we should keep them home for a couple of days," he suggested.

"No, the kids should keep to their routine. I don't want them to know anything about this. I mean how would we explain it?"

Spike shrugged and he lifted his mug to his lips, drinking deeply. "I'm sorry I didn't dust her last night." He gritted his teeth. "This is just what Dru wants. Us fightin' over her and scared shitless."

Buffy had a dangerous glint in her eye. "I'm going looking for her again tonight."

Of course she was. Spike wasn't even going to try and change her mind. They had this conversation the previous night.

"I'll pick the kiddies up from school," he offered. "You should try and catch some kip. You look as if you need it."

"You're a real charmer." She gave him a mock look of disgust. "I don't think I could sleep, but it would be great if you could do the school run."

"You should try and sleep anyhow," he insisted.

She put her hands on her hips. "I hate to break it to you, Blondie Bear, but you look as bad as I do."

He chuckled. "I do at that. However, all the coffee and sugar I scoffed todat at work mean I probably couldn't sleep even if I wanted to. Besides, if you're heading out on patrol later then it would make sense that you got as much rest as you can."

"Point taken," she said. "I'll try."

"Good," he replied. It wasn't too often she let him boss her around. He slugged down the remains of his coffee.

She looked at her watch pointedly. "You really should get going."

"Anything you'd like from the shop?"

"Chocolate," she said. "Mmmm, I would love some chocolate."

"Your wish is granted, Princess," he said heading for the door.

"Oh Spike!" she called.

He turned to see her with a devilish grin on her face. "You might bring some whipped cream as well."

He laughed as headed out the door.

Later that evening Buffy and Spike were sitting in their living room when there was a loud shriek from the playroom. The two jumped up quickly and ran out of the room in the direction of their children. Tommy was standing at the door screaming, "Mom! Dad!"

Emily was standing at the open window, clutching a familiar looking doll.

"Dru!" Spike ran to the window and saw a shadowy figure escaping into the trees. "She's gone," he growled.

Buffy sighed turning to the boy. "What happened?"

His face was white with terror. "There was a strange lady outside and she was calling us. I told sis not to go over but she was holding out the doll and you know how much sis loves dolls."

"Give me the doll, sweetheart," Buffy said.

"No!" The girl shook her head clutching the doll to her tightly.

In a red haze, Spike grabbed the doll from her and stormed out of the room.

Emily was on the verge of tears. "No Daddy! Give it back."

He ignored her and continued to walk to the kitchen with Emily running behind him. "Sorry pet, but this is going in the bin."

She burst into tears as he dropped the doll in with the rest of the trash. His little girl was used to having a tremendous amount of power over him. This time he was having none of it. She grabbed the bag from the bin and put it outside. He didn't want something like that in his house.

His daughter was still sobbing when he walked back in. She was in Buffy's arms and turned away from him when he looked at her.

"Don't ever go near that lady," he warned. "That goes for you too, Tommy."

"You see her, you shout," Buffy added. "Are both of you listening to me?"

"Yes," came the answer in unison.

"Now off to bed," Buffy ordered them.

"Mommy, can I sleep in your and Daddy's bed tonight?" Emily asked.

Her little blue eyes were wide and pleading. Spike broke his silence taking his little girl from Buffy. He looked into her eyes and said, "Sorry for scaring you, pet."

"Can I please sleep with you, Daddy?"

He looked at Buffy and she nodded. "Of course, you can, pet."

She was still sniffling a little. "Can you read me a story?"

"You're a demanding little bit, aren't you?"

"It's cos I'm your little princess, and princesses always get what they want."

He laughed. His son was being very quiet and turned to look at him.

"You okay?" Spike asked.

"Fine," Tommy replied, scuffing his shoes off the floor and his eyes averted.

Spike was far from convinced as his son didn't look it. He still looked too pale and a quick glance at Buffy told him she was of the same opinion.

"You want a story too?" Spike asked the boy.

Tommy looked up at him. "Yeah, Dad."

"I want a story too, Daddy," Buffy said with a mischievous smile. The two of them went off to get the children ready and into bed. Spike knew he for one would feel more secure having his whole family together after the scare they had. They would have to see if there was some added protection they could add to the house. He shuddered to think what could have happened if Dru had been invited in by the children or managed to entice them to go out to her. If there was ever a time he missed his vampire super strength it was now. Although, he knew if he wasn't human, then he wouldn't have the kids in the first place. The truth was he had them, and he was scared to death of something or rather someone harming them. He was determined to keep them safe and looking at the resolute expression on his wife's face, he knew she was aching to kill Drusilla.

It was nearly midnight and Tommy and Emily were tucked up in bed. Spike was pacing the floor waiting for his wife to return. Buffy was out there looking for Dru and although he knew his wife could look after herself he was afraid. Dru was no average vamp and she was crazy which meant she was unpredictable. Spike was tormented once again by the fact that if he was a vampire then he would have no problem tracking her scent. He was useless once more in protecting his family. He would have to broach the subject of contacting Angel and asking him to come and help. It would be a huge blow to his pride, but he would do it to ensure the safety of his family. He decided that once Buffy returned he would ask her what she thought of the suggestion. _What the hell did Dru want and why did she wait until now to strike?_ It had been years since he had last seen her in L.A. and back then she had hinted that she would be seeing him again. It didn't make any sense at all to him. _Why didn't Angel dust her when he had the chance?_ he thought angrily. Then, he sighed, because he knew it was for the very same reason he hadn't either. He wouldn't be making the same mistake again not when the children were in danger. He slammed his fist hard down on the table needing some release for his frustration.

"Daddy, what's wrong?"

He turned to see Emily looking at him with wide, frightened eyes. _Shit._

"Nothing, pet," he lied. "Nothing at all. Shouldn't I be the one to ask you that question? What are you doing up?"

"I can't sleep, Daddy. Can you come and lie down for a while?"

He paused a moment, wanting to wait up for Buffy, but his little girl needed him and he would only be tearing his hair out while he sat there. He decided he would lie with them until Emily fell asleep and then if Buffy wasn't back he would get up. She squealed as he picked her up and threw her over his shoulders.

"Let's get to bed, poppet."

Spike dosed off despite himself and was awoken by the sound of the door creaking open. He looked up and Buffy was smiling in him.

"Is there room for me?" she asked a glint in her eye.

Spike looked and could see between the three of them they were sprawled right across the bed. "Sorry, love." He picked up Emily, who was spread eagled across the side of the bed Buffy usually slept in, and moved her to his other side making room. Buffy began to shimmy out of her clothes.

"Did you find Dru?" he asked, already knowing the answer to the question.

She shook her head as she slid into the bed beside him. "It's driving me mad that we can't find her. We'll have to ask Willow and see if there is anything she can do."

Spike sighed. "I can't believe I'm suggesting this, but maybe we should call Peaches. If he had been here tonight then he could have followed her scent."

He tried to keep the bitterness out of the tone. Either he failed or Buffy just knew him too well.

"Spike," she said quietly, "things would be a lot different if you were a vampire.."

"For one thing they wouldn't be here," he finished. "I know that. I just feel useless, you know."

"I have power and I can't do anything with it," she pointed out. "How do you think I feel?"

She grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "You're not useless. You're a great father and the kids need you. They need us to be strong for them."

He pulled her closer to him. "How on earth did I end up snagging you?"

"I reckon it must be a spell," she mumbled.

"Ah that's it," he said. "Love. And I think I might just be under that spell too."

"Yep – it makes you do the wacky."

He snorted and the two dissolved into low giggles, not wanting to wake up the children. They held each other tightly and it wasn't long before sleep took them.

The following morning Spike woke feeling refreshed. He felt Buffy stir beside him and he turned to look at her.

"Good morning, love," he said with a grin.

She yawned and stretched. "I guess it's time to get up."

"Unfortunately," he said wistfully.

He sat up in the bed and tried to extricate himself from Emily's grasp. She seemed to have decided to use him as a pillow sometime during the night. Buffy had already gotten out of the bed and was pulling on her clothes. He had a training first thing this morning, followed by another meeting with Dowling and some bloke who worked for the FBI. He really wasn't in the mood to head to work, but he had left early yesterday and he really needed this job. Dowling let him get away with a lot; he wasn't about to cause any more trouble for him. He reluctantly pulled on his tracksuit. Unfortunately, it was standard issue and he no choice in the matter. He already had a change of clothes in a duffel bag to change into after the training sessions. The rugrats were starting to wake up now. Emily was rubbing her eyes and Tommy pulled a pillow over his head trying to go back to sleep.

"Sorry, Tommy it's time to get up," Spike said.

"You heard your father," Buffy reiterated. She was so good with them and they listened to her. He was hopeless with discipline and they knew it, taking full advantage of his weakness. Nevertheless, he had a temper and when he was really angry they knew not to step out of line. The room was bathed in the morning light as Buffy drew back the curtains. Suddenly, Buffy gasped and Spike was at her side immediately. That's when he saw the doll. Miss Edith was sitting on the window sill, her glassy eyes staring at them. Drusilla must have been at the house during the night. The thought made his heart skip a beat. _That bitch! _With an angry roar he ran out the door and down the stairs grabbing a brush in the kitchen as he went. He went outside and used the brush to knock the doll to the ground. He picked the doll up from the ground and threw it against the wall causing the head to shatter into pieces. He felt a hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away.

"Are you out there, you bitch?" he shouted. "Are you watching? Did you see what I did to your bloody doll. I hope so, because if I catch you near my family again, I'll bash your head open."

He felt a strong hand pull him by the arm. "Spike!" Buffy looked furious. "Stop. You're scaring me. You're scaring the kids."

The look on her face brought him back to himself.

"Come back inside," she insisted and he let her guide him back inside.

"I'm sorry I lost it there," he whispered, once they were seated on the sofa. "I'm at my wit's end. I don't know what to do about it."

Buffy breathed deeply. "I know, and I feel the same."

Tommy and Emily were walking down the stairs. They both seemed a little shaken and he cursed himself for losing his temper.

"Was the bad lady back?" Emily asked. "Is that why you were shouting?"

"No, honey," Buffy said. "Daddy got a little frightened and he lost his temper. He didn't mean it."

Spike looked to the ground and shifted guilty for being the cause of his children's distress. He just hoped they didn't catch his words. He might be a man now, but there was still darkness in him. He didn't want his children to know that part of him, the part of him that had done so many evil things and hadn't gone away despite him being given a beating heart.

"Go get your breakfast," Buffy ordered the two children.

Once they were gone, she squeezed his shoulder. "Look at me!"

He turned his head to her. "I scared them, Buffy. I didn't mean to. The last thing I want for them to be afraid of me."

"You're overreacting again," she said. "They aren't afraid of you. They know something's wrong and you acting like this is just freaking them out."

"I'm sorry I'm acting all irrational," he snapped. "But when there's a crazy woman after your kids, being rational goes out the window. How can you stay so calm?"

"Calm?" Her eyes were stormy. "You think I'm calm? My head is aching, I feel sick to the stomach and all I think about is what will happen should your precious Dru get her hands on them."

Spike got to his feet. "My precious Dru? I knew it. You blame me for this. I'm just going to say goodbye to the kids, then go to work."

He popped his head into the kitchen. He tried for a smile but it ended up looking more like a grimace.

"See you, later," he said.

"Bye, Daddy," they chorused.

When Spike turned back, he saw Buffy was standing in front of him.

"Please, don't go away angry. I don't blame you, Spike. Never think that..ever. I just let my mouth run away in me."

He felt his fury abate with her words. "One of us, two of us," he admitted. "Truth be told, we're a good match. Nobody else would put up with us. We're too contrary."

She drew him to her for a hug and he basked in the feel of her against him. After a couple of moments he realised he was going to be late for work if he dallied any longer.

He pulled away reluctantly. "I hate to cut a cuddle short, but I'd better get along."

She sighed and walked with him to the door. He knew it was day time and Dru couldn't possibly be around. Still, his eyes swept the drive for anything suspicious.

"Crap!" Buffy was shaking her head. "She slashed your tires."

She gestured at the car and Spike groaned.

"Just take my car," Buffy said. "It's in the garage and she couldn't have got to that without an invitation."

"I think if she had an invitation the car would have been the least of her concerns."

She whacked him on the arm. "You know what I mean."

"Are you sure about the car? What will you do about getting the kids to school?"

Buffy shrugged. "I'll figure it out."

She ran inside, before coming back out with her keys and tossing them to him.

Spike arrived at the station just five minutes before his scheduled training session. He was heading for the gym, when he was called back.

Officer Martinez was standing at the reception desk with an A4 envelope. "This was left for you last night. Some pretty chica she was. Been playing away on the little mrs., have you?"

Spike was about to take a swing for him, when the man recognised the dangerous look in his eyes and held his hands up.

"Calm down, man. I was only kidding."

Spike lowered his fists and took the envelope from him. His hands shook, as he attempted to open the envelope. He pulled out a photograph and was stunned to see it was the one from his office. It was a picture of Buffy, himself and the kids, not that you would know that now. Dru had scratched out the faces of them all but him. He felt the bile rise in his throat and he knew if he had eaten that morning the contents of his stomach would be on the floor in front of him now. He dashed unseeing and made his way to his office to see what else the lunatic had done to his office. He could hear the concerned calls from behind him and he ignored them focusing only on his destination. He threw open the door and he could see that everything seemed to be undisturbed apart from the photo frame that had held the family photograph. The frame was face down on the desk. The way he saw it the damage to the photograph was a clear indication of intent, intent to harm his family. Again he was struck by his impotence. Suddenly, Spike heard the creak of the door opening and whirled around ready to attack. He let out the breath he had been holding in when he saw that it was only Dowling.

The detective's eyes were full of concern. "Man, what happened out there?"

Spike opened his mouth to speak before thinking better of it and handed the picture to Dowling instead. The defacing of the picture could explain it a lot better than he could himself. He watched as Dowling's eyes opened wide in horror. "Jesus," he heard him mumble. "Christ, Spike."

The shock of the situation was starting to ebb a little now and Spike needed to check in with Buffy to make sure they were all okay before doing anything else.

Spike picked up the phone. "I need to make a call to Buffy."

Dowling nodded and withdrew to give him privacy. Spike dialled Buffy's cell just in case she was already after leaving for school. The phone was picked up on the second ring.

"Spike," she said. "Do miss you me already?"

He could tell she was aiming for breezy, but he could pick up on the edge to her voice.

"Dru was in my office last night," he began. "She got hold of that picture I keep in a frame on my desk and defaced it."

"What do you mean defaced it?" Buffy asked sharply.

"She scratched out the faces," he explained.

His wife was silent on the other end of the phone. He didn't need to explain what he thought it meant. He was sure he and Buffy were on the same page. That bitch was threatening their kids and Buffy. He felt another bout of nausea coming on.

"I reckon it's time we called Angel," Spike said. "I know I brought it up last night. You never gave me an answer."

"I'll do it," she said softly. "I was going to do it anyway."

Spike sighed in relief. "I'm going to stay here and while I'm here, I'm going do what I can to see if there is anything at all on Dru. I can't sit around doing nothing and if this is all I can do then I intend to do it."

"Make sure you come home before its dark," she reminded him.

He winced a little at her request, the barb of inadequacy rearing its ugly head once more. He pushed it down and concentrated on the fact that she worried because she loved him.

To be continued..

Please drop a line and let me know what you think if you're reading.


	14. Chapter thirteen

**Chapter Thirteen**

Buffy felt just as sick as Spike, when she had heard what Drusilla had done to their family portrait. She knew Spike was very rattled but she had been the longest living slayer for a good reason. She was good at what she did. She slayed vampires and at the end of the day, Drusilla was only another vampire and she had threatened her babies and there was no way she was going to let that lie. She had no luck so far, so that had to mean she was due some. God, she hoped that was true. Spike was right and she knew they had to all in Angel to see if they could help. Spike was incredibly frustrated at not being able to help and she was dissatisfied at not being able to manage achieving anything on her hunts for the vampire so far. She decided not to make the call too early. Angel wouldn't able to leave until it was dark anyway. There was someone she could call right now though: Willow. Then she remembered her friend would be in her work and she sent a text message instead.

"Call me asap," she wrote.

She took a look around the house, which looked gleaming, and that was of the bad, because she needed something to keep herself busy, to turn her tormented mind away from Drusilla and her evil plans. She envied Spike being able to go into work for the day to keep himself busy. The kids were in school and she knew they were aware something was going down. She knew that her being a Slayer meant that her kids would see or hear things other kids wouldn't, but she had been hoping to keep that aspect of her life separate and she had been successful so far. Her kids had a normal life: school and friends. They were happy and loved. However, the fact that she and Spike were their parents meant that they were now targets. She wondered if they had been selfish in bringing them into the world. This was why Slayers used to be emotionally detached and died young, because to love meant that you brought danger to others. It was one of the main reasons why she took so long to decide to start a family.

It was a half hour before Willow called and Buffy felt relief course through her at the sound of her best friend's voice.

"What's wrong, Buff?" Willow asked.

Buffy gulped feeling a lump forming in her throat. "Drusilla's been hanging around and I'm terrified she's going to hurt Emily or Tommy."

"Oh Buffy," she said.

Buffy had been concentrating so hard on keeping strong especially when Spike had wigged out earlier. The sound of the concern in her friend's voice undid her and she burst into tears.

"I'm trying to be strong for them, for Spike, but it's hard. Spike is wigging big time, blaming himself for not being a vampire anymore and for Drusilla."

"How about I call over when I'm finished work?" Willow suggested.

"Please, Will. I thought I could manage all this by myself, but after last night and this morning, I know my best isn't good enough."

Buffy longed for the chore of doing homework with her children. When they were around, it was easier to concentrate on the here and now.

Spike had called several times during the day to check in on her. She bit her tongue to prevent a snide comment escaping her lips. He had insisted on speaking to the kids as well. His behaviour was worrying her. The fact he felt that way was perfectly normal but she was afraid he was going to do something foolish. Willow called over straight after work as she had promised, but there was no sign of Spike and it was starting to get dark. She didn't want him out in the dark alone with that skank on the prowl. The dinner was almost ready and she picked up the phone and called him.

He picked up his cell promptly. "Hullo, Buffy. Is there something wrong?"

"Yeah, there's something wrong," she barked. "Where are you?"

She could hear the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. "I'm with Bob. We're checking out a lead for a case."

Fury swept through her but somehow she managed to keep her voice level. "This better have nothing to do with Drusilla."

He didn't answer the question. "I'll be another half hour. See you, love." Then he hung up on her.

Buffy replaced the handset angrily. "You dumb jerk," she mumbled.

She turned to Willow, who had been sitting on the sofa listening to the whole exchange. "Buffy, go easy on him. It's got to be hard for him to sit it out. He spent most of his life as a vampire."

"Will, we had the conversation about this years ago and I thought he accepted things were different now."

"You're both terrified harm is going to come to your kids. It's natural for him to want to be able to protect them."

"Well, he's got to accept that none of that comes natural to him anymore."

"Just be careful how you put it," Willow advised her.

"I don't care about his ego right now." Buffy threw hands in the air. "I've no time to massage his pride, when I'm busy trying to ensure the safety of the kids."

Willow sighed. "That's what I mean. You're not exactly tact girl."

Buffy took offence to that remark. "I can do tact, but Spike doesn't need tact. He needs the truth."

She walked over to the sofa and flopped down beside Willow.

Willow patted her hand. "Don't let the skank get between you. It's what she wants."

"I've got a right to be angry, Will," Buffy pointed out. "He's just got to accept that his pride has got to take a second place to his safety." Buffy could see Willow open her mouth. "Don't worry I won't put it quite so harshly, even though he deserves it. I just-"

"-worry about him," Willow finished. "Of course you do."

"Why are you so understanding, Will?" Buffy leaned into her friend and rested her head on her shoulder. "Maybe I should be a lesbian?"

"Well, if I were single I'd snap you right up," Willow joked. "Although, I think Spike might have something to say about that."

Buffy knew she was being a little unfair to Spike, especially considering he had suggested bringing Angel into the picture and that had to be a big blow to his vanity. That reminded her she had another call to make.

"Can you turn down the food?" she asked Willow. "I've got to call Angel."

Buffy found Angel's number in her phonebook and dialled the number. It was at least a minute before there was a response from the other end.

"Hi, Angel's phone," came the answer from an unfamiliar voice.

"I'm looking to speak to Angel," she said. "Can you tell him Buffy Summers is calling?"

"Sorry, Buffy. Angel's not here. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm his son, Connor."

"Of course, I do," she replied. "When will he be back?"

"He's gone on vacation actually," Connor said. "He should be back the weekend."

"Huh?" Buffy scrunched her nose trying to imagine Angel loosening up enough to go on a vacation.

"Yeah, I know." Connor laughed. "He has a new girlfriend and I think he's totally besotted, because she managed to convince him to take her to Europe."

Buffy's heart plummeted. Europe was a long way away.

"Ok. Can you ask him to call us when he gets back?"

"Is there anything I can help you with?" he asked.

"No, Connor, but thank you."

She replaced the receiver, feeling disappointed.

Buffy asked Tommy and Emily to set the table shortly before Spike was due to arrive home. She was keeping an ear out for the phone, worrying about Spike. She was thankful Willow was going to stay for dinner, as she was distracting her with gossip from work.

When Spike finally walked in the door he looked nervous. Emily and Tommy came tearing out of the kitchen to greet him.

"Hi Dad," Tommy said and Spike ruffled his hair.

Emily just leapt into Spike's arms as was her usual custom.

"Hey Spike," Willow said drawing his attention.

"I didn't notice you there, Red. You staying for dinner, then?"

"Yup - if Tommy and Emily will help me serve the dinner."

"Can I have dessert if I help?" Tommy asked cheekily.

"Sure," Spike said and Buffy nodded.

Tommy punched the air. "Come on, Willow," he called. The pair of them went into the kitchen.

"How about you?" Buffy asked Emily. "Do you want cookies and milk for dessert?"

The little girl nodded and Spike let her down gently. "Go on help Red and your brother in the kitchen."

The door slammed behind her and Spike looked at Buffy. He appeared to be bracing himself.

"I'm sorry, but-" he began.

Buffy put her hand to his lips. "Stop!"

She closed the distance between them and hugged him hard. "Don't get too comfortable, mister. I'm going to have words with you, later."

She felt his wince and lessened her hold on him. She couldn't resist saying, "You jerk."

He kissed her cheek. "You're mad at me."

She rolled her eyes. "What do you expect? Let's have this conversation, when we don't have company though."

He nodded.

She surveyed him with beady eyes crossing her arms. "Well? What did you find out?"

"Nothing," he confessed. "It was a waste of time."

It seemed neither of them had made any progress.

She sighed. "I called Angel."

He looked up at that. "What did he say?"

"He wasn't home. I spoke with Connor and he told me Angel is in Europe."

"Fuck!" His blue eyes were haunted. "I hate this. What are we going to do, Buffy?"

"We're going to kick her ass." Buffy had a steely glint in her eyes as she hooked her arm in his. "Let's go get dinner."

All the way through dinner, Buffy clutched Spike's hand as much as possible under the table. She was still pissed at him and she hadn't any chance to let rip just yet. That could wait until Emily and Tommy were in bed and Willow had left for home. Once they had finished, the three adults remained in the kitchen, while the two children went into the living room to watch TV for a little while before bed.

"Tea, ladies?" Spike asked.

"Yes, please," they replied.

Buffy watched him fondly as he made the tea just so. "The one thing I never managed to accomplish was make the perfect cup of tea."

Spike turned around to smirk. "Never you mind, love. None of you Yanks know how to brew a cup of tea."

"In case it escaped your notice your children fall into that category," Willow pointed out.

"The poor little mites," Spike said. "At least they have English blood in them."

He brought the tea over and three mugs, Buffy fetched a jug of milk from the fridge and some biscuits from the drawer. Dinner had been a cheerful affair, but Buffy knew it was time to get down to business.

Buffy worried her lip. "Willow, have you any ideas to help us with Drusilla?"

"I could try a locater spell, but that would only work if we had something belonging to her."

Buffy and Spike's eyes met, both remembering the doll.

"We had something but Spike decided to throw it in the garbage," Buffy said.

"I didn't want that damn thing in my house," he retorted. "You would have done the same thing."

Buffy shrugged. He was right.

"Any other ideas?" Spike asked. "We need all the help we can get since Mr. Tall, Dark and Brooding ain't coming to the rescue."

Even Willow couldn't miss the self-flagellation in that sentence.

"Leave it with me. I'll get some research done."

The mood had turned dark and Spike seemed to realise he was the cause.

After Willow had left and the children were sent to bed, Buffy knew it was time to talk to Spike about the day's events.

"I'm worried about you, Spike, and to be honest it's the last thing I need."

"You're over reacting, love," he huffed. "I'm not stupid, you know. I'm not trying to get myself killed here."

_Could have fooled me,_ she thought.

"Although," he continued. "Since we're short a vampire, it might not be such a bad idea."

"Don't joke about things like that!" She barely restrained herself from punching him in the nose.

Instead, she closed the distance between them and glared at him. "I need you, and your children need their father. Your self-pity is really starting to piss me off."

"Is that what you think this is?" He shook his head. "No, Buffy, this is blind panic. I don't know what else to do and I have to do something."

Her anger started to wane at his words. He put his fingers to her chin and gazed into her eyes. "I know you're trying to be strong, but you don't have to be with me. I know you, love, and there's no need to protect me. "

She melted under his intense stare. "I'm scared, Spike. I've never been so frightened in all my life."

She clutched at his arms and drew him to her.

"Me too, Buffy," he whispered.

Her eyes welled up with tears and she could feel them dripping down her face. He rubbed circles into her back and she closed her eyes taking all the comfort she could from his close proximity.

"Oh, Buffy," he began, "I know I'm not coping well and I'm letting her get to me."

Spike sounded like a broken man and that was so unlike him. He had always been strong. All the terrible and life altering things that had happened to him and yet he always adapted. Buffy was really going to enjoy kicking Drusilla's ass and she was going to win.

"I love you so much." Buffy planted small kisses on his face before making her way to his lips. She could taste the salt of tears and she knew she hadn't been the only one crying. He kissed back feverishly like a starving man. Their kisses got deeper and more desperate as they try to find solace in one another.

That night, Buffy spent another wasted night on patrol searching for Drusilla. The vampire didn't want to be found. Spike was pacing the living room when she arrived back with a scowl on her face.

"No sign of the bitch, but I did dust a couple of fledges," she announced.

Spike frowned. "Do you think Dru sired them? That could be why we're not hearing much of her. She could be using minions to do her dirty work. It wouldn't be the first time."

Buffy was taken aback at the question. She hadn't thought of that. Her face fell.

"Never mind, love," Spike said. "What's done is done. They probably wouldn't have told you anything anyway."

Cursing her stupidity, she vowed not to make the same mistake again.

"I was thinking while you were out," Spike said. "And there's one thing we haven't tried."

Buffy wasn't sure she liked the sound of this or the calculating look on his face. "Go on," she prompted.

"This is all about me. I reckon if I was out slaying with you, she would show her face."

Buffy shook her head. "No, Spike!"

"Have you got a better plan?" he asked angrily.

"Anything is a better plan than that," she retorted. "Are you insane now?"

His eyes were like chips of ice. "No, but I think it's the best plan we've got."

Buffy got right into his face. "And what if we both ended up getting killed? Could you really do that to Emily and Tommy?"

"You could stay home," he pointed out. "There are plenty of other slayers that could do the job."

"I said no, Spike," Buffy snapped.

"Are you even going to hear me out?" There was desperation in his voice and it gnawed at her.

She shook her head.

"It's nice to know my opinion matters," he said. "I'm going to bed."

This man was so unbelievably dense sometimes.

She caught him by the sleeve. "Of course it matters. It matters so much. I can't risk losing you, Spike."

He put his hand to her face and stroked it. "You're the most insufferable bint I ever met. "

"Maybe I'm coming across as a bitch. The thing is this is my job and I was born to do this. It's not yours anymore. I know you want to do whatever you can to protect Emily and Tommy, but you can't be putting your life in danger."

He didn't look happy. "I'll do what you want for now. " She noticed he'd used the words "for now" meaning if he thought it was necessary he would do it anyway. "If we run out of options promise me you'll think about it?"

"Only if you promise me you won't run off half cocked," she challenged.

Her met her gaze and nodded. She just hoped it wouldn't come to it.

The following morning, Spike offered to drive the children to school, leaving Buffy to have a lie in. She knew they would be safe in school in the day time and she really did need a good long sleep. She was utterly exhausted after spending her nights patrolling and then twisting and turning lost in thoughts of Drusilla. Spike had asked Buffy if she wanted to come into work with him and take a look at some of the files. She had never been book girl, but between her and Spike they would get through a lot more. She promised she would drop by about lunch time and they could get some food, then head back to his office. Buffy stayed in bed until eleven, managing a couple of hours. She was eating a quick breakfast, a cup of coffee and some toast, when the doorbell rang. She let it ring assuming it was a sales person. The buzzer continued to go and she reluctantly went to the door. Her little sister stood there.

"Dawn?" Buffy exclaimed.

Dawn walked in and made her way to the sofa, where both women sat down. "Spike told me about Skankzilla turning up. We just arrived back from New York this morning and he thought we should know she was on the prowl."

"Oh? Yeah – of course he did." Buffy had forgotten Dawn was due back. "I don't have a lot of time. I'm meeting Spike for lunch."

"I know. He said, but I needed to see you. How are you?"

Buffy answered honestly. "Overwhelmed. Terrified."

"And Spike? How's he taking it?" Dawn asked.

Buffy sighed. "He's blaming himself and I'm afraid he's going to do something reckless. I don't think he has ever missed being a vampire so much."

"What's her deal?"

Buffy shook her head. "I have no idea and that scares me. It's like she's a step ahead all the time. We can't find her; she is covering her tracks really well."

"She'll slip up," Dawn reassured her.

"I hope it's soon, because Spike is trying to convince me to use him as bait."

Dawn's eyes widened at that. "The idiot."

"Tell me about it." Buffy sighed, before looking at her watch. "I think it's time for me to leave."

Dawn kissed her on the cheek. "Give my love to Spike."

Buffy smiled. "I will."

"If there's anything I can do?" Dawn offered.

"Would you mind picking up the kids from school and keeping them for a couple of hours? Spike or I will come over and collect them."

"Emily and Tommy are always a pleasure," Dawn replied. "I'm dying to see them and I'm sure they're looking forward to their presents."

"You shouldn't spoil them," Buffy chided.

"That's the prerogative of being an aunt," Dawn replied. "Now, you get going and don't worry about the kids."

"Thank you, Dawn." Buffy squeezed her hand.

It was dark by the time Buffy and Spike had finished up and despite all the hours spent they had very little information to go on. They had nailed down a few possible sightings of Drusilla and narrowed down an area of the city, where she appeared to be staying. It was somewhere to start with at least when she would go on patrol later. She was feeling a little optimistic now that there was some progress at least. Spike dropped her at Dawn's door to pick up the kids.

"I'm going to run to the store and pick up some smokes," he said. "I'll be back in a couple of minutes. Let you ladies have a little natter."

"And Xander," Buffy corrected him.

"Everyone knows Harris is a woman," Spike joked.

She smiled despite herself. "And does that mean my sister's a lesbian?"

Spike chuckled at that and the sound of his laugh warmed her heart. She got out of the car and walked to the door. She heard Spike's car pull away. She felt a tingle on the back of her neck. Vampire. She looked around expecting to see Drusilla standing there. There was nothing there. Maybe she was just being paranoid? Nevertheless, she vowed to keep a close eye out for Spike's return just in case. Buffy didn't even get a chance to ring the bell when the door swung open revealing little Emily.

"Hey, Emily," she said.

Buffy walked through the hall and into the living room with her daughter trailing after her.

Emily tugged at her hand. "Mommy! I got a present from Aunty Dawn and Uncle Harris."

Buffy smiled down at Emily. Spike called Xander Harris had led the kids to thinking it was Xander's given name and it had stuck. Her little girl was such an exuberant little thing. "Why don't you show me in a minute? Daddy's just gone down to the store and he'll be back soon and we can go home."

"Do we have to?" Tommy moaned from where he was playing a video game with Xander.

Dawn was sitting at the table with her laptop in front of her.

She looked up from the screen. "Are you sure you won't stay for coffee?"

"Positive," Buffy said. "Emily, Tommy, I want you to be ready to go when your Dad gets back."

"Oh, my present," Emily declared. "I must get it." She rushed out of the room no doubt in search of her toy.

Tommy was wearing a scowl, similar to one Spike wore when Manchester United lost a soccer game. He made quite the performance of putting down the game console. Suddenly, a shriek pierced the air. Buffy would know that voice anywhere. Her baby.

"Emily!" she screamed.

The door was wide open and Buffy ran out the door, almost tripping over a soft toy that lay on the ground. Her heart thumped in her chest and she looked desperately around trying to decide which direction to run. As if in answer to her question there was another scream. Buffy ran as fast as she could in the direction of the scream. She could hear Tommy's fearful call of "Mom!". It took Buffy only moments to find the source of the noise in an alleyway. She got the feeling Drusilla wasn't trying to hide.

"I met your Daddy in a place just like this," Drusilla was saying to the shaking girl. "I made him a monster just like me and oh what a blood thirsty boy he was. Now, he's ruined and it's all your Mommy's fault."

"Leave my daughter alone," Buffy said.

Drusilla turned away from Emily and looked at Buffy. "I knew you'd come." She clapped her hands together.

Buffy walked towards and Emily ran over to her. Buffy bent down to hug her, never keeping her eyes of the vampire all the while.

"It's ok, Em," Buffy tried to reassure her. "Now, I want you to run back to your aunt and uncle's."

Emily shook her head. "No, I'm not going without you Mommy." Buffy stood in the front of her daughter.

Drusilla threw her head back laughing. "I have no interest in the girl."

Buffy knew now this was never about Emily, just a way to get to her. She needed to get the little girl out of the way. She shouldn't been seeing this.

"Emily, go stand by the wall, okay? I want you to stay out of the way in case you get hurt."

Buffy didn't see her moving, but she heard her footfalls. She briefly looked back making sure she obeyed her. Emily shrank back against the wall and started to sob.

"Now, I going to take you down," Buffy announced to the smirking vampire.

She threw a punch determined to make her sorry she ever messed with her family. Buffy's fist connected with Drusilla's jaw. The vampire stumbled slightly but recovered quickly. Emily was still sniffling nearby and it broke Buffy's heart to be leaving her crying instead of comforting her. Drusilla took a swing at Buffy, which the Slayer managed to dodge. The vampire used her other hand to pull at her hair. Buffy winced as she tore a clump from her head. That was dirty. No matter, Buffy could fight dirty too. They both fell to the ground in a tangle of limbs, punching and scratching. There was a sudden sound of car brakes screeching and the sound of footsteps. Buffy didn't dare look away. Drusilla was a better fighter than she would have given her credit for. A scream filled the air and Buffy turned her attention briefly to the daughter. She roared as she saw another vampire, most likely one of Drusilla's minions, entering the alley and approaching her trembling daughter. "Run!" she ordered Emily, shrugging off Drusilla to get to Emily, her maternal instincts overriding any sense. Buffy threatened the minion with the stake and he growled before retreating.

"Are you ok, Emily," Buffy asked.

Drusilla took advantage of Buffy's distraction and jumped at her. They both toppled to the ground and Buffy found herself face down in the dirt. Drusilla was on top of her and Buffy's arm was pinned beneath her. She had landed awkwardly on her ankle and she felt a sharp pain. She bit her tongue to avoid crying out in pain. She struggled to gain the equilibrium, but Drusilla had her knee her in back, keeping her down and her trapped arm prevented her from getting her stake out. She was filled with the realisation she was going to die in front of her little girl and there was nothing she could do about it. She closed her eyes waiting for the end, when she heard the sound of approaching footsteps and a yell of "Daddy! Uncle Harris!"

Spike had a stake in his hand and he looked like a man possessed. His features were contorted in anger as he aimed for the vampire. Buffy struggled in Drusilla's grip and managed to free herself of the vampire's grip and fell to the ground.

"That's what you get, you bitch," Spike roared, but his stake missed Drusilla's heart by inches.

Drusilla pulled the stake from her chest with a whimper and it clattered to the ground. Buffy tried to get to her feet to fight, but she had twisted her ankle and collapsed to the ground in pain. Drusilla sent a poisonous look her way before fleeing into the night. Spike started to run after the vampire.

"Spike!" Buffy called after him and he quickly turned back and took her into his arms.

"Oh, Buffy," he said. "I thought I was going to lose you, that I was too late."

"No, you saved my life," she murmured.

"I didn't dust her. I should have dusted her."

"You saved me and that's what's important."

Buffy looked up and saw Emily in Xander's arms. Spike helped Buffy get to her feet. He put one arm around her waist and she leaned heavily on his shoulder. Emily jumped out of Xander's arms and rushed over to her parents, hugging them both.

To be continued...

End note: Any feedback would be appreciated. Nearly there now. Another two chapters proper and an epilogue. I just hope you won't all hate me for the angst.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS. This is for Fun and no Profit.**

**Thank you to Ginar369 for the beta.**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

Spike had felt like the world was slipping away, when he had arrived at the alleyway to find Buffy being attacked by his ex. That night he kept her close, as he remembered the terror at the scene. It was clear now that Dru was gunning for his wife. Although, he was relieved the children weren't her targets, it didn't stop him worrying about Buffy. She may be strong, but at the end of the day, she was human and breakable. Just like he was. It was unclear what the mad vampire's plans were exactly, but there was one thing that was clear. This wasn't over by a long shot, and nothing short of dusting Dru was going to end this. There had to be a way to get Drusilla out of the way. There must be something he could do. They were getting closer to tracking her lair down. There were a couple of sightings of a dark haired woman trying to lure children into alleyways and Spike and Dowling were going to follow up on some of the leads the following day. The children were visibly shaken by the events of the evening.

"Daddy, that lady said she knew you," Emily told him.

Spike caught Buffy's eye. "Yes. She used to be my girlfriend before I got together with your Mum."

His daughter looked confused. "But she's a bad lady. Why would she be your girlfriend?"

Spike felt his heart constrict. Oh the innocence of little ones. If only life was as black and white?

"C'mere," he said. "Before I fell in love with your Mum, I was a bad man."

"Spike!" Buffy looked reprovingly at him. "There's no need to go into that."

She turned to look at the little girl. "That was a long time ago. Your Dad's a good man."

She gave him a fleeting smile and threaded her fingers in his.

"Why is she here?" Tommy demanded.

"I don't know, son," Spike lied. He could hardly tell the boy she wanted his mother dead.

Tommy looked far from convinced. He was bright and astute for an eight year old.

"Time for bed," Spike announced. It had been a long day and he and Buffy needed to have a long conversation without the little-uns prying.

After Spike had gotten the children to bed, he came down the stairs to see Buffy sprawled out on the sofa. He smiled at the sight of her.

"Glass of wine?" he suggested.

"Yes, please," Buffy said.

He went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of Buffy's favourite white wine. He grabbed two wine glasses. When he re-entered the living room, Buffy made room for him on the sofa. He poured them both a glass.

"How's your ankle?" he asked.

"Sore," she admitted. "Not as much as my pride though. I should have staked her."

Spike knew how she felt. He had missed his clear shot too.

"What happened?"

Buffy took a deep breath and grasped Spike's hand. She went through all the events and Spike's mouth went into a thin line. He didn't say a word all the way through the tale. He just nodded.

"We will get through this," he said, trying to sound more convincing than he felt.

* * *

The following morning, Spike left Buffy sleeping peacefully in their bed, while he got out of bed and got the kids up for school. Neither of the two little ones seemed to be in the humour for school. He peeked into their rooms and called them. He went and made himself a cup of coffee to wake himself up. When there was no sign of the children getting up after a couple of minutes, he headed back up the stairs. He tried to keep the noise to a minimum, hoping to let Buffy get the kip she so badly needed. He opened Tommy's door and walked over to the bed. He pulled the blanket from his sleeping son.

"Oi, you little sod," he said. "Up you get!"

Tommy grunted but he sat up in the bed. Spike tousled his hair. "Good lad."

He left his son get ready and went to make sure his little princess was up. The girl was sitting on her bed and rubbing her eyes.

"Daddy, do I have to go to school today?" she asked.

"Yes, you do."

"The bad lady might come," she said in a plaintive tone.

Spike felt his heart clench at the fear in her voice. "She's a vampire, pet. That means she can't come out during the day, so you are safe."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Would I lie to you?" he asked.

She put her hands on her hips. "Yes, you would. Remember when you told me that Uncle Harris was a clown."

Spike chucked at the memory of the girl asking Harris if she could see his big red nose. "You know that was joke. I wouldn't lie about something serious like this."

He kissed her forehead and she threw her arms around his middle.

After Spike had dropped the children to school, he headed to work. He checked his phone for Connor's number.

"Hey Spike," Connor answered.

"Hi, kid. Is Gramps back from his vacation yet?" Spike asked.

"He's due back tomorrow, actually."

"We're in a bit of a bind here and we could do with his help," Spike began. "Would you tell to call me when he gets a chance?"

"Sure, of course. Buffy called the other day and she sounded upset."

"Yeah, Drusilla's in town and has taken it on herself to torment us. She's after Buffy. We could do with an extra pair of hands."

"Don't worry, I'll let him know," Connor reassured him.

"Thanks," Spike said, before hanging up.

Spike would be willing to do anything to end this, to bow down low to his worst enemy if it meant his family was safe. He was no longer in the position of being able to protect this family himself, but he was damned if he wasn't going to make sure they were safe. He turned on the ignition and vowed to call Buffy later to tell her Angel was due back shortly. When he arrived at his office, there were several bulky files awaiting his perusal. He gave them a quick look through but none of them were about Drusilla. There was a sharp knock on the office door.

"Come in," he called.

Dowling walked in. "How are you holding up?"

Spike shrugged. "As well as could be expected, when some nut job is trying to off your wife and terrorizing your kids."

"Sorry – stupid question." Dowling looked at his feet. "Are you still adamant about coming along to question those possible witnesses?"

Spike nodded. _Bloody right he was._

Dowling was still looking sheepish.

"You know you should be letting somebody else investigate this?" he suggested.

Spike's jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. He knew Bob meant well but he had to do this.

"It's my job to question the witnesses if we're to keep this all above board," the detective continued.

"You're afraid I'm going to lose my rag, aren't you?" Spike asked.

Dowling nodded his head. "Sorry Spike, but you're not a professional. You're a demon hunter, former vampire, well versed to coercing information from suspects. This is different."

Spike was breathing heavily, trying to calm his annoyance. "I need to do this, Bob. I have to do something and if ask people questions is the only thing I can do. Then I'm going to bloody well do it."

Dowling put a hand on his arm. "It's okay. I get it."

He hadn't felt as helpless, since he was first chipped by the Initiative. Once he managed to escape the mad scientists and drugged up soldier boys, he realised he couldn't feed. He was in the position of being unable to hunt the vampires and protect his family. That duty lay with Buffy. He didn't resent her in her the slightest for it, however, when she was the target that changed things. She couldn't do everything on her own. Hopefully, Angel would get here soon.

* * *

Several hours later, Spike swung by Dawn and Harris' and picked up Tommy and Emily. The kids were chatting happily in the back of the car. They had spent the afternoon being spoilt rotten and they were telling their father all about their day. Buffy was supposed to be resting up her ankle. She may have Slayer healing abilities, but she still needed time to recover. That was why the kids hadn't come straight home after school. Spike pulled the car into the drive of their home.

"Dad, the door's wide open," Tommy called out startling him.

Spike felt a shiver of dread run up his spine. Buffy would never leave the door like that. Spike had a leaden feeling in his stomach. He tried to keep his face neutral not wanting to panic the kids. He jumped out of the car and locked the car doors.

"Stay there and don't move or let anybody in," he ordered.

He walked inside the house as quietly as possible. He scanned the living room and saw Buffy's keys and handbag on the ground. His heart thrummed loudly in his ears and he frantically checked the kitchen. Spike's heart was beating wildly in his chest as he desperately searched for his wife.

"Buffy!" There was no reply and he went room by room. The kitchen was empty. He ran up the stairs. He checked their bedroom first, followed by Emily's and then Tommy's. The guest room was checked last and also there was no Buffy. _Oh God. Oh God. _If Buffy was harmed in any way there was going to be hell to pay. Remembering his children he ran outside and let them out of the car. He looked around, watching for anything suspicious or anyone.

"What's wrong?" Tommy asked in a small voice.

Spike didn't know what to say so he ignored the question and said, "Just get inside and don't touch anything."

Emily's hazel eyes looked fearful. "I'm scared, Daddy."

"Don't be, poppet," he reassured her, as he ushered them inside. "Now go into the kitchen and sit down at the table. I'll be in shortly."

Emily went into the kitchen immediately, but Tommy held back.

"I was talking to you too," Spike reminded him.

"Dad, what's going on?"

Spike couldn't voice his fears aloud. That would make it more real somehow.

"Just look after your sister," he said instead.

He pointed at the kitchen door. Tommy sighed but did as he was bid.

Spike took out his cell phone and dialled Buffy's number. His fear increased when he heard the tell-tale ringing coming from her hand bag. His blood froze and he dialled Willow's number.

Willow picked up the phone quickly. "Hi, Spike."

"Hi Willow, have you seen or heard from Buffy all day today?" he asked.

"No. Why?"

"She's not home and left her handbag and her purse. That's not like her. I think Dru's gotten to her."

"Maybe there's a logical explanation?" she suggested, sounding more hopeful than convinced.

Spike gritted his teeth. "I have to ring Dawn. Bye."

Before he _could_ do that he was interrupted by a little voice, "Daddy, is it true? Did the crazy lady take Mommy?"

_Emily. _He turned around and two kids were standing in the door way, looking terrified out of their wits. He cursed himself for being careless.

He walked over to the trembling boy and girl. "We don't know anything for sure."

Emily burst into tears and Spike picked her up. He motioned to Tommy, who was biting his lip trying hard not to cry. He put a free arm around his son and held them close.

"It looks bad, but there's no need to panic. I need to call your Auntie Dawn."

Spike pulled out his cell and rang the number. Dawn picked up her phone promptly. "Miss me already, Spike?"

Spike cut to the chase, "Dawn, when I came back home Buffy wasn't here and the door was left wide open and her purse was on the floor."

He heard a sharp intake of breath on the other end. "Maybe there was a slaying emergency?"

"It looks like there was some sort of struggle." Spike could barely get out the words.

There was silence on the line for a moment.

"I'll be right over," Dawn said finally.

* * *

When Dawn arrived, Spike had searched the house from top to bottom looking for clues. Nothing was missing, so a robbery could be ruled out straight away. He found a package addressed to Buffy strewn on the pavement outside. He had missed it earlier. The package was unopened but when he opened it there was nothing inside. If he had to hazard a guess, then his money would be on someone or something dressed as a delivery or postman fooling Buffy into opening the door and attacking her. When Spike found them he was going to tear them limb from limb. He knew Buffy was injured, but she was still the Slayer. She must have been outnumbered or incapacitated in some way. This had to be down to Dru and for the umpteenth time since she had showed her face, he wished they had taken their chances at dusting her.

Spike popped on his duster. "Could you look after the kids while I go and see if I can find her?"

"Sure," she agreed. "But be careful."

He felt a little tug on his arm and he looked down at the plaintive expression of his youngest.

"Daddy, don't go," Emily pleaded.

His heart ached. "I have to go out for a while. Your Auntie Dawn will mind you and put you to bed."

Emily hugged him around the middle. "Make sure you come back."

His eyes filled up with tears, although he knew he couldn't afford to give into his emotion with Buffy still missing. With effort he broke away from the embrace and headed out the door determined to find out where his wife had disappeared to. Maybe he was just over reacting and she had gone out on patrol as she did sometimes when she was restless. He tore out the door, slamming it shut as he left. He made his way to the local cemetery calling her name. He knew he was drawing attention to himself but he didn't care.

"Buffy, where the fuck are you?" he called out.

He heard his phone ring and answered it immediately hoping it was Buffy.

It was Dawn, however. "Did you find her?"

"No. I'm worried Nibblet."

"Just come back. The kids are in a right state without you and Willow promised she is going to get together the ingredients for a locater spell."

He knew there was little he could accomplish with nothing to go on and with a locater spell then they would have a better chance.

"I'll be back shortly," he replied and headed for his car.

* * *

Meanwhile, Buffy tried to scream, but the scarf tied over her mouth muffled the noise. She tried to move ineffectually, she was binded tightly. Her head was throbbing painfully and the iron chains were cutting her wrists and her ankles. Drusilla- the bitch- was nowhere to be found. What was the insano vamp planning? Spike must be frantic with worry, when he arrived home with the kids in tow and no sign of her. Buffy had been ambushed by a gang of demons. Hearing the doorbell, she had gone to the door and seen a courier. He had given her a clipboard to sign for a package before she had spotted the demon hiding in the bushes. She had felt a sudden prick in her arm.

"What did you do to me?" she had managed, before collapsing to the ground. She caught a glimpse of three rather large, looking Fyarl demons before her world went back. When she came to, she found herself in this cellar, all chained up. She had examined her surroundings carefully, looking for anything that could aid her in escape. She was in a dank cellar, the only light being a flickering light bulb. There seemed to be only one way out and it was the way she came in. Buffy could hazard a guess at who or what wanted held her captive here and she was fairly sure it was Drusilla given that a doll bearing a similar appearance to Miss Edith had pride of place on the table beside her. Her glass eyes seemed to follow her every move. She knew it was crazy but with creepy dolls, you never could be sure. As if summoned by the power of thought, Drusilla walked into the stairs, a chilling grin on her face. "Miss. Mary tells me you've been trying to escape you naughty girl. Tsk tsk."

"Let me go you bitch."

"No. Slayers are for eating. My Spike taught me that." Drusilla paused, a thoughtful expression on her face. "Of course, he's not my Spike anymore."

"No, he's mine!"

Drusilla clucked her tongue. "There, there, he'll soon be ours."

"What do you mean?" Buffy strained at the chains. The vampire reached over and pulled a clump of hair from her head. She grabbed Buffy's hand and sliced her wrist open with a fang holding out a bowl to collect the blood.

"I need you alive for this and then Buffy Summers you'll be born again."

"No," Buffy protested, but she was feeling dizzy from the blood loss. Dru took the scarf and wrapped it around the wound to staunch the flow. Buffy fainted and when she awoke she could hear the vampire singing. Her vision was a little blurry and she didn't have enough strength to move let alone pull down the chains. Drusilla dipped her hand in the bowl and smeared some blood on her forehead and then on Buffy's. The vampire started to speak what sounded like a spell. Buffy watched in horror as Drusilla transformed into a carbon copy of herself and she realised exactly what Drusilla was planning.

"No," Buffy yelled.

"I think us three could be a family. We could cut a swathe through the world again."

Drusilla went into game face and bit her in the neck. She slit her wrist and put it to Buffy's mouth. Buffy tried to spit out the blood but she couldn't prevent a trickle going down her throat, before darkness enveloped her once more.

* * *

When Spike arrived back at his home, Dowling and Willow were there. He had done a search of her usual slaying grounds but came back with nothing to report. He was going to try to track the leads they had picked up that day from the interviews, but if Willow could pinpoint her location, then there was no need to amble aimlessly. Somehow, Dawn had managed to talk the kids into going to bed and Spike was thankful he could fully concentrate on this. The witch picked up the ingredients for a locater spell and set out the ingredients on the floor. The other three stood nervously waiting for the spell to begin. Spike chewed his lip and listened as Willow spoke the Latin incantation. Spike frowned; the spell didn't seem to be working.

"Show me where Buffy is?" Willow demanded.

The little light didn't move.

"You must have done it wrong," Dawn accused her.

"No, I did it right," Willow said frowning.

"Try it again," Spike demanded.

Willow started to say the incantation once more, but the light spluttered out again.

Spike had it with the whole thing. He shook his head. "I don't care that we have nothing to work on. This is Dru's doing. I know it. I can't just sit here, waiting and doing nothin'."

"I'm coming with you," Dawn declared. She held her head high as if to dare any of them to say otherwise.

Spike wasn't going to argue. Dawn had as much right as he did.

"Maybe you guys should let the slayers take care of this?" Willow suggested.

"I'm not sitting here when Buffy needs our help," Spike snarled.

Willow backed down reluctantly. "I'll stay here and see if there is any other spell I can find."

"I have to call this in," Dowling said. "I'll get my guys on it and you'll be the first to know if we hear anything. We'll put up some posters to see if it jogs anyone's memory."

"Thanks, Bob," Spike said. "We're going to take the west side of the city. That seems to be where all of the witnesses spotted Dru. We might be able to get some information on where she is at least."

* * *

A despondent Spike and Dawn drove back to his house after four fruitless hours of searching. There was no joy in the search; they checked the graveyards, the demon bars or if they did they weren't telling.

He got out of the car and his heart soared when he saw a glimpse of blonde hair. "Buffy!"

Buffy was sitting on the porch swing. Spike heard the passenger door of the car swing open.

"Buffy," Dawn squeaked.

"Oh thank god. Where have you been? I've been out of my mind."

She didn't answer but got up immediately and wandered towards him wearing an unfamiliar smile. Her gait, her movements, her smile didn't seem right. He could tell there was something terribly wrong and he quickly shoved Dawn behind him. Buffy reached out and touched his face. He felt the unnatural coldness.

"What's wrong, Spike?" Dawn asked.

"She's a vampire," he whispered. "But it's not Buffy."

He turned to the incarnation of his wife. "You're not Buffy. Who are you?"

She laughed. "Never could fool you, could I? My Spike always knew me too well."

"Dru," he spat. He reached for the stake he had concealed in his coat pocket. "What have you done with Buffy, you crazy bitch?"

"You'll never find your sunshine. It's been obliterated by the dark. Now, you can be with your princess again."

Spike's heart was in his throat. "Never. Not even if you were the last person on this earth."

Dawn stepped out from behind him before he noticed, and went for Dru her own stake to hand. "You're going to tell us where Buffy is and then I'm going to stake your skanky ass."

The vampire was too quick for the young woman and put her in a headlock. Dru bared her fangs to Dawn's throat.

"Would you still say never?" she said to Spike.

Spike dropped his stake to the ground. "It's me you want, Dru. Let the Bit go."

"Don't do something stupid, Spike.." Dawn stomped on Dru's foot, causing her grip to slacken and then head butted her. She was able to get free, giving Spike a chance to pick up his stake and put it through Dru's heart. He knew he had to dust her, even if she was the only chance they had at finding Buffy. He dropped to his knees as the dust blew into his face. _What were they going to do now?_ He felt Dawn's hand on his shoulder. He slammed his fist down on the timber floor of the porch. Dawn gently pulled him to his feet. She was crying silently and he used his fingers to wipe the tears away. Tears were pricking at the backs of his eyes. He didn't have the time; he had to find Buffy.

Dawn looked at him, her watery eyes round. "What do we do now? What if Buffy's dead?"

"No," Spike insisted. "I would know."

"How would you know, Spike."

"I just would," he insisted.

To be continued...

* * *

Endnote: I hope you don't all hate after this one.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Disclaimer: I don't own this universe but I enjoy playing in it.**

**Special thank you as always to the fabulous Ginar369 for the beta.**

**Chapter Fifteen**

That night Spike was unable to bring himself to sleep. His mind was too full of all the possibilities of what happened to Buffy. Dawn and he had spent the early hours drinking coffee until morning came. Spike couldn't possibly send the children to school today. He sent them into the living room with some sandwiches and juice to watch telly when Harris and Red arrived. The four adults gathered in the kitchen and discussed the events of the night before over lunch. Spike had to believe Buffy was still alive, although he knew Willow and Harris didn't from the look they shared when he and Dawn had told them of Drusilla turning up wearing Buffy's face. Willow left after lunch and the remaining three were still sitting in the kitchen when the doorbell chimed. Spike jumped up suddenly and ran to the door. He pulled it open to see Dowling standing there. Spike's heart thumped in his chest.

"I might have a lead, Spike," Dowling offered.

Spike gestured for him to come in. The children looked up from where they sat on the couch and waved at Dowling.

"Hey kids," he said, grinning at them.

Spike and Dowling made their way into the kitchen.

The detective greeted Dawn, Xander and Willow. "Hi guys."

The three nodded at him.

"You said you had a lead," Spike hinted.

"I think I know where Buffy might be. There's this abandoned hotel called Greene's Hotel. Do you know it?"

Spike exhaled noisily, "Yeah."

"A woman came forward this morning, after seeing the missing posters we were put up on the west side. She rang me on my cell and said she saw a woman matching Drusilla's description coming and going. She assumed she was a regular squatter and then she said she saw someone matching Buffy's description leaving the area last night."

Spike's gut twisted painfully. She had seen Dru wearing Buffy's face most likely, but there was some hope it was really his wife.

Spike reached on his coat, which he had left hanging on the back of his chair the night before. "I'm going to scope the area out."

"Wait up, you're not leaving me behind," Dawn warned him.

"Hang on," Dowling said. "I just wanted to let you know before we went down there. I'll drive!"

The three arrived at the abandoned hotel twenty minutes later. Spike was thankful Dowling was driving, as he was able to put on the siren and traffic made way for them. In its time the hotel had been splendid, whereas now it was only a shadow of its former glory. The walls were covered in ivy and almost all the windows were broken and boarded up. The three got out of the car and were walking toward the entrance.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Dawn whispered. "Dowling said back up is on the way."

"No," Spike confessed, "but I can't just stand around."

His heart was pounding and he just hoped that this was the right place. Dowling pulled out his gun and they entered the building cautiously. The only sound was their footsteps and it echoed around them. If there was somebody here, they would soon know about it.

There was a giant wooden staircase in the middle of the room, which must have once been the reception area. He could see this place appealing to Dru with its cobwebbed chandeliers and opulent décor. A smaller stone stairs was visible through an open door on the right.

Spike tilted his head. "What do you reckon, Bit? Cellar might make sense."

Dawn made a gulping noise. "Yeah, I think so."

Dowling was still investigating the other side of the room.

"Hey, Bob," Spike called across the room.

Dowling turned to look at him.

"We're heading down stairs," Spike continued. "Why don't you check upstairs?"

Spike and Dawn made their way down the stone staircase and into the cellar. Dawn was right behind Spike and he could hear her inhaling sharply. The room opened out into ta wider section. He scanned the room for any sight of his wife. Dawn gasped and pointed at the far wall, where he could see a shackled figure.

"Buffy?" He started to run towards her.

Dawn grabbed his arm, "Don't!" Her voice was breaking. "She's been turned."

"No," he said desperately. "It could still be a spell."

Buffy started to strain at the chains and growling, Spike knew it was the blood lust borne of being a fledge. He remembered well how the bloodlust bypassed any logic. Without warning the chains snapped and Buffy came right at him, grabbed him by the arm and bared her fangs.

"Dawn, go!" Spike ordered as he struggled. The stake he was carrying fell to the ground.

If he could just reach for the knife he had in his sock.. But it was too late. He felt a sharp pain in his neck, where Buffy tore into his carotid artery. He could feel death pulling at him as the blood spilled from in wound.

He heard a "Sorry, Buffy" and saw Dawn lunge at Buffy with her stake. He watched as Buffy turned to dust before him. His knees gave out and he hit the stone floor painfully. However, that was nothing compared to the emotional anguish he was suffering. Buffy was gone. He would never see her smile or hear her laugh.

Dawn dropped to her knees beside him, tears running down her face. "Oh, Spike. What did I do?"

Her words made him remember he wasn't the only one in pain. The Bit had to dust her own sister, when he should have been the one to bear that burden.

"I'm so sorry," Spike whispered. "You shouldn't have had to do that."

"Don't be stupid," she replied and threw her arms around him.

They clung together, tears streaming down their faces.

Dawn pulled away suddenly. "You're bleeding." She grabbed her scarf and put it to his neck to stop the bleeding.

"Thanks, Bit," he murmured putting his arms around her again.

She trembled against his chest, before bursting in noisy sobs. His guttural cries soon joined hers as they grieved for the woman they loved so much and for the cruel way in which she had been taken from them. Buffy shouldn't have died liked this. Buffy deserved a peaceful death in her bed surrounded by loving family not his deranged ex turning her. The look he saw in her eyes made him remember the time he had done the same thing out of love for his mother. He didn't want to remember her like that. He knew she never would have wanted to be a vampire, even a vamp with a soul. At least, she had been trussed up in the cellar and would have been unable to hunt and kill. Nevertheless, he knew that would have been little consolation to her. Time passed and the two bereaved friends remained on the floor of the cellar not knowing what to do next. All they could think about was the loss of Buffy. It was the buzzing of Dawn's cell phone that finally prompted them to get off their aching knees.

"Xander," she said softly. "Sorry I didn't call."

He couldn't hear what Harris was saying on the other end, but he did hear Dawn's tearful "She's gone."

When she got off the phone she took him by the arm. "Let's go back to your house."

He took one last look at the floor where the pile of dust lay, before heading for the stairs.

The reception area was buzzing with coppers and a grim faced Dowling met them.

"I'm sorry," the detective said to them both. "I came down when I heard the yelling, but by the time I got there it was over."

Spike surmised the two of them had been too preoccupied to notice his entrance and exit.

Two paramedics came rushing over. "I need to see your neck, sir."

Spike tried to wave them away, but they were insistent. "You need stitches."

"I'm not going to a hospital" he told them. "I need to get home to my kids."

The female paramedic said, "We can do it here."

He reluctantly let them take him away to patch him up.

Spike didn't quite remember the journey, but Dowling drove them home. However, they had been forced to make a witness statement before they could leave. Dowling was sympathetic, but he couldn't avoid protocol. It was six pm before they arrived home. Harris met them at the door and Dawn collapsed into his arms.

"I'm sorry, man," Xander whispered and he clapped a hand on his back. He could see Xander had been crying. There was a dark circle under his visible eye and his hair was mussed.

"Where are the rugrats?" Spike asked.

"In bed," Harris said. "They were exhausted and fell asleep about an hour ago."

Spike nodded and he made his way upstairs needing to see his children, wanting to reassure himself that they were okay. He didn't know how he could possibly tell them he had let their mother die, and that she would never hold them again. He paused outside Tommy's room trying to steel himself to enter. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see a concerned looking Dawn standing there.

"Did you want us to be here when you tell the kids?" Dawn asked.

Spike shook his head. "No – It's something I need to do myself. You should go home."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said.

Dawn leaned over and kissed his cheek. "I'll call over tomorrow. In the meantime, you need anything at all you call. Promise?"

He nodded, a lump forming in his throat. Dawn sniffed loudly before turning and going down the stairs. Spike peered into Tommy's bedroom and was surprised to see both of his children in the bed. They were fast asleep and Spike didn't want to wake them. It was bad enough that their world was about to be turned upside down. It could wait till morning. He took off his shoes and lay down on the bed beside them. He didn't want to be separated from them tonight.

Spike spent the night starring at the ceiling unable to sleep, going over and over the events of the last few days. He wondered how he could have saved Buffy, what he could have done better or what he could have changed. The lack of sleep was starting to catch up with him and he found himself starting to drift off when he was interrupted by the sound of his little girl.

"Daddy," Emily said, throwing her arms around him. "Why did you sleep in here and not in yours and Mommy's bed?"

Spike looked down at her sadly. "I have something to tell you and your brother. Let's wait till he wakes up, yeah?"

He could tell she was picking up on his emotions. Emily was normally a very bubbly child, but she was really quiet as she lay in his arms resting against his chest. It wasn't long before Tommy started to stir as well. Spike's breath caught in his throat, as he realised he was going to have to admit out loud that Buffy was gone. Tommy started when he saw Spike there.

"It's Mom, isn't it?" Tommy asked.

Spike gulped. "I'm so sorry, Tommy," he whispered.

Emily pulled away from Spike's chest. "What about Mommy? Is she hurt?"

Spike shook his head. "Oh sweetheart, she's gone. She's with your grandparents up in heaven looking down on us."

Emily started bawling crying on his shoulder and he rubbed her back.

Tommy put his hands over his ears. "No, you're lying."

Spike's heart felt like it was cracking into little pieces. "Tommy, listen to me. The world is a cruel place and I hate you've had to learn it at such a young age."

Tommy sniffled as he began to accept what he was being told. Spike knew he had to be strong to hold his family together. He would just have to get through this one day at a time.

In the hours following the loss of Buffy, Spike found himself surrounded by well-meaning friends, but he really only wanted for the company of his children and Dawn. Although, he had to admit Harris had been kind. The fact that the boy had the thought to go to the cellar ad gather Buffy's remains so they had something to bury meant that he was indebted to the man. Neither, he nor Dawn would have been able to do it and Spike was glad it was one of her closest friends not a stranger. Dawn and Harris were staying in the house, helping Spike deal with all those who wanted to deal with all those who called looking to pass on their commiserations. Spike didn't know how he would have coped without them. He might have lived as a human for years now but none of that had prepared him for dealing with human traditions. Angel came the night before Buffy's funeral. Spike had expected Angel to call looking to pay his respects and say goodbye. He knew from speaking with Willow, who had rung him to tell him of Buffy's passing, that Angel felt terrible he had not been around during Drusilla's terror campaign. He hadn't really expected Angel to call to the house, but he couldn't deny that Angel was grieving too. The vampire looked almost as bad as he did. Spike was in the kitchen trying to stomach some of the food that Dawn had prepared for him. He hadn't been eating or sleeping since Buffy's death, but Dawn had given him a telling off earlier. The bint was always interfering. Angel walked into the kitchen look particularly sombre in a dark suit.

Spike nodded his recognition but said nothing. There was nothing to say after all.

"I'm sorry, Spike," Angel said.

Spike knew he was being selfish not wanting him there, but he didn't have the strength to deal with him right now.

"I am too," he whispered, just hoping that Peaches would get the hint and go. Angel had never been perceptive and this was no different. Instead, the idiot sat himself down beside him.

"I can't believe she's gone," Angel mumbled.

Spike felt an unexpected urge to confide in the vampire. "I watched her dust you know. The Bit had to do the honours. Dru – the bitch- had her shackled and starving. My beautiful girl reduced to what she hated the most."

"You did the right thing," Angel said.

Spike felt irritation at Angel's presumption he needed reassurance from him of all people. "What makes you think I care about your opinion?"

Angel was wearing a look of pity and Spike turned away not wanting to see it. He breathed harshly when Angel put his hand on his shoulder.

"I don't but you need to hear it," Angel said. "You're stinking of guilt and I know all about living like that. Buffy wasn't made for the dark. It's what she would have wanted. She would have wanted you to live, be happy and look after your kids."

There was no bitterness at all in Angel's voice at the mention of all those things Angel would never get to have and Spike felt tears well in his eyes, feeling deeply grateful for those words of comfort. Since he had come back to the house, he had remained dry eyed wanting to be strong for Emily, Tommy and Dawn. He thought he had cried himself out in the cellar, but somehow his grandsire's sympathy had undone him and he felt a tear come down his face. He didn't want to cry in front of the poof, but he had held them in for so long and soon he was leaving out big, shuddering sobs. Somehow, and he couldn't quite remember it happening, Angel was embracing him and he was bawling all over his shoulder. It seemed there was something to be said for being comforted by someone who knew how you felt. When Spike recovered from his crying fit he found himself embarrassed.

"Thanks," he muttered.

"You're welcome." Angel seemed equally uncomfortable. "I should –ah –go. I'll stay around for the funeral and pay my respects once it's dark. Then I'll head back to Los Angeles."

Spike nodded. "Would you like a drink or anything before you leave?"

Angel shook his head and got to his feet. "No, I should go."

Spike got up as well and walked with him to the door. He watched as Angel opened the door of his fancy car and was about to close the door when he heard his name being called.

He looked at Angel. "Yeah?"

Angel looked sheepish. "We might not get along most of the time or even like each other. Still, you should know if you need to talk I'll be there."

Spike knew this was true and there was a part of this whole mess nobody but a vampire or in his case former vampire could understand. He had been a vampire and he knew it was a lie that the demon takes all the memories leaving the human shell hollow. His Buffy had still been in there and he had seen her spirit be extinguished. He carried this around with him, unable to really explain it to the humans who loved her. It was easier for them to believe she had been gone as soon as the demon entered her body, and he was happy to play pretend. Angel got into his car not waiting for a reply; perhaps the look on Spike's face answered it for him.

The funeral was a sombre affair and Spike was surrounded by his children. Dawn was standing next to them with Xander and Willow at the other side of him. When the funeral ended, everyone started to drift away and Dawn had thoughtfully led Tommy and Emily away with her to give him a chance to say his goodbye in private.

"I'll miss you, love," he whispered. "I'm sorry I couldn't have saved you. It haunts me in every waking moment that I wasn't there when you needed me. Don't know how I can possibly go on without you. Being a dad doesn't come naturally to me. And I know when I go it won't be to where you are; I'm destined for hell, love."

He wiped a tear from his eye. His Slayer had gone to a better place but he couldn't help being selfish and wishing he had her back with him and their children. He was going to make damn sure the kids remembered and honoured her. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder and he turned around only to see Dawn standing there.

"Come on. The kids need you, and I think you need them." She took his arm and he let himself be taken back to his beloved children.

"Daddy." His little girl threw herself into his arms. He picked her up and she held onto him tightly. He met his son's teary eyes and walked over to him freeing one arm to embrace him as well. It was down to him now to keep their family together. That was when he knew he could do this. He simply had to go on for her, for them.

To be continued.. in the epilogue


	17. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Spike fiddled with the tie, cursing as he clumsily tried to tie a knot. It was one of those things that he never been able to do well. Buffy had always joked he did it on purpose, so she would have to do it for him. His mind kept flickering to her today. It was to be expected, seeing as Tommy was graduating high school and Spike was as proud as punch. He really wished Buffy were here to see it.

There had been times when he had thought he wouldn't get through from one day to another. The pain hadn't dulled over time; it did get easier to cope with. He could remember her fondly now. He looked at his reflection and mused at his appearance. He had to give up the peroxide eventually. He could see the grey streaks at his temple and the bags under the eyes. He wasn't exactly growing old gracefully.

There was a knock on the bedroom door, and Spike went over to answer it. Emily stood there, looking very pretty in a knee length red dress. She looked every inch of a teenage girl, blossoming into a young woman. He was going to have a hard time keeping the boys away. She would be starting high school in the Fall and he dreaded the moment.

"Hurry up, Dad," she chided. "We're going to be late."

Bossy bint. She was just like her mother.

"I hate wearing bleedin' ties," he groused.

Emily laughed. "Don't be moaning. We both know you're chuffed to bits today."

"Two straight A students," He shook his head. "Where did you two get the brains from? I must thank whoever left you under a head of cabbage."

Emily rolled her eyes at his joke and grabbed him by the arm. "C'mon. Tommy will be waiting for us."

The two headed out to car.

A crowd had already gathered by the time Emily and Spike got to the school. Spike craned his neck trying to find his son in the throng of students. He spied him eventually, chatting with his best friend Brad. Spike managed to catch Tommy's eye and gave him a wave. The only seats they could get were further from the front than Spike would have liked. Emily gave him an told you so look. She was a saucy little thing and reminded him more and more of Buffy with each passing day. Spike was counting on Dawn to help keep her in line. Emily really looked up to her aunt, who was closest thing she had to a mother. Tommy was a less of handful and Spike didn't worry about him as much. He had an eye for the ladies and despite the occasional mishap rarely got himself in trouble. Emily, on the other hand, was in trouble every other week. She was apt to speak her mind and sometimes this habit resulted in detention from teachers. Despite this, she had a sharp mind and had a great academic record. Spike's thoughts were interrupted by an elbow in the ribs.

"Ouch." He glared at Emily.

She pointed at the podium, "Look, it's Tommy's turn."

Sure enough, Tommy was making his way up to receive his diploma. Spike clapped loudly. Emily started taking photographs. Spike's heart swelled in pride.

After the graduation ceremony was finished, Spike and Emily waiting for the man of the hour to turn up. When Tommy escaped his classmates. Spike clapped him hard on the back and Emily threw her arms around him.

"How does it feel to be leaving the place behind?" Emily asked.

Tommy shrugged. "It's exciting but scary at the same time."

"Well, we better be off," Spike said. "The Bit is making us dinner."

The two teenager exchanged dark looks, no doubt fearing Dawn's penchant for making family occasions memorable for the wrong reason.

Spike chuckled. "I don't think she will be doing much experimenting. Red is supposed to be helping and she'll make sure none of us come down with food poisoning."

"Dad?" Tommy asked.

Spike raised a querying brow.

"I'd like to go and see Mom's grave," Tommy announced. "Would you mind if we went there first?"

Spike shook his head. "It's natural you'd want to."

The three went to the graveyard. They picked up some flowers on the way and Spike laid them on the grave. Spike looked at Buffy's grave stone. It had taken a while to come up with an inscription that truly captured her.

Buffy Summers Pratt

Selfless, brave and kind

Mother, Wife, Sister, Friend and Hero

Spike had been through a lot the last few years. He had learned to cope with being human again, learned the joy of parenthood and the despair of losing the woman he loved for the final time. He would hardly consider himself an ideal father figure. He lost his temper from time to time. Sometimes, he didn't discipline enough or other times he disciplined too much. Still, he liked to think he didn't do too bad of a job. The kids had turned out well enough after all. He hoped Buffy would think so too.

The End

End note: I'm sorry for putting you all through the wringer, but this story was planned from the start with the heartbreaking ending. I begun with the idea of Buffy and Spike reversing roles. Once I thought about it, I couldn't see it ending any other way. I suppose one good thing is that the whole story was done before I ever starting posting. I couldn't be tempted to divert from my plan then. I'd like to thank a few people for their help. Ginar 369 for the beta, Peaceheather for giving it a quick read through and Bonedry13 for her advice and help with chapter one. Most of all I would like to thank Ladyofthelog for the beautiful banner and the fanmix. Lastly, thank you to those of you who reviewed for the feedback.


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